Up the Puns!: December Edition

Yes, it's back! It's the second annual installment of Up The Puns, the column that’s been called “a revolutionary way to view music journalism.” [citation needed] Before we get started, I wanted to give a big shout out to everyone who has supported this column, especially Megan Ochoa who came to see me in Seattle wearing a homemade "Up The Puns" T-shirt. It's that type of dedication that is what keeps me punning, no matter what the world throws at me. This episode sees us once again tackling the words of punk, indie, metal, and pop news in the most creative and hilarious way possible, so let's stop talking about how great it is and get into how great it is, shall we? (I can't think of any puns to insert here because I used them all in the column. Sorry.)

Thanks to #UpThePuns superfan Megan for wearing her homemade UTP merch to the show tonight! #UpThePuns

A photo posted by Jonah Bayer (@mynameisjonah) on Nov 14, 2015 at 9:50pm PST

The author pictured with fan.

A while back, St. Vincent made news for working at her family's taco stand. Fans are now expecting her next album to have more of an indie guac vibe.

Animal Collective founding member, Deakin, recently designed another shoe for the company Keep. Here’s hoping it has more sole than his band's music.

Beach House have covered Weezer's “Undone (The Sweater Song)." Although we didn't know that beaches could be next to Rivers. (This isn't really a pun, just clever geographic wordplay.)

Holy Sons announced plans just released a deluxe reissue of Decline Of The West Vol. I & II. However if you listen to them when you're in the shower, it's more like Holy Suds.

Jessica Hopper recently stepped down as senior editor at Pitchfork. Looks like when it came to the job, she hit it and quit it. (Also not a pun but very funny if you read her zines back in the day.)

Hot Water Music recently released their own blend of coffee although it isn't called Fuel For The Awake Game, sadly.

The World Is A Beautiful Place And I Am No Longer Afraid To Die recently released a new album. But if you've watched them play Dungeons And Dragons recently, you'll realize their name should be The World Is A Beautiful Place And I'm Not Afraid To Roll My Die, right?

Motion City Soundtrack are reportedly considering opening their own bar after wrapping up their tour with the Wonder Years. May we suggest A-Tap-tive Today?

Brooks Wackerman has decided to leave Bad Religion in order to play drums for Avenged Sevenfold. Sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction. (Yes, we're stretching a little here. Let's try to get back on track.)

Save Ferris has announced a PledgeMusic campaign to fund their first new release in 15 years. We're surprised they didn't apply for a loan at Bank Of Skamerica first.

The band Luther decided to call it quits, leaving 99 percent of music fans asking "Whother?" (on account of not many people knowing who they are).

King Diamond had to cancel some shows due to a severe case of acute laryngitis. Sounds like he needs a visit from King Dimetapp®.

A metalcore band called Like A Storm are currently performing on the Didgeridoo Destruction Tour. If you've heard their music, we're guessing you Didgri-DON'T want to check ‘em out live.

The Victory Records catalog has returned to Spotify. No word on if Student Rick's college fund is still in danger. (Student Rick is the name of a band on Victory Records which should help you understand this very funny pun/joke.)

Killer Mike has been showing support for Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. Looks like there might be a new member of Run the Jewels… El-B.

Rich Homie Quan recently called a fan a homophobic slur. We guess he Quan kiss that GLAAD award goodbye.

The Game needs to stand trial for allegedly punching and threatening an off-duty cop during a basketball game. Come on, dude, it's just a… never mind.

Coldplay is going to performing at the Super Bowl halftime show this year as if watching football wasn't boring enough. (This isn't a pun, just an observation.)

Five Seconds Of Summer's Calum Hood recently tweeted that "one day I will leave and live a normal life," sending their fans into a tailspin. Don't worry, fans, we predict John Feldmann will mastermind another musical phenomenon you can latch onto soon and this will be only five seconds of bummer.

Dave Grohl recently performed "Learn to Fly" alongside some Muppets. Hopefully Grohl wasn't carrying any Germs from his bandmate, Pat Smear. We're not sure if Muppets are eligible for Obamacare.

Coldplay and Beyoncé worked together on the song "Hymn For The Weekend" for Coldplay's new album A Head Full Of Dreams. Meanwhile, we've got a head full of dreams about us never having to hear this song or anything else by Coldplay ever again.

Chris Brown's appearance on The Daily Show was cancelled earlier this month because certain staff members "disapproved" of him being there. While we think there should be an open dialogue about domestic violence in our society, fuck Chris Brown.

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