Brace Yourselves, Juggalo Bitcoins Are Coming
On April 3rd in the Year of Our Lord 2014, it was announced there JuggaloCoin, a cryptocurrency meant strictly for fans of the Insane Clown Posse, will become a thing that exists in reality. According to the official site of JuggalCoin, the currency will launch tomorrow. You can buy it here.
If you're wondering why the world needs a Juggalo-specific currency, you're asking the wrong question. Why doesn't the world need a Juggalo-specific currency? They've got their own festival, their own pro wrestling league, their own Wikipedia page, even their own social network. These things need money to run, and with the American economy in a constant state of flux, it's time to go rogue, motherfuckers. Don't tread on Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, because they will create their own currency on your candy asses.
JuggaloCoin.org claims to be working with vendors at the Gathering of the Juggalos to establish relationships that will allow JuggaloCoin to be accepted at the Gathering, which will in turn lead to the official ICP online store to accept JuggaloCoin, which will lead to the entire Juggalo universe dealing in JuggaloCoins, presumably allowing each and every freedom-lovin', dumbly-tattooed Juggalo to go off the grid and exist in their own Juggalo Nation that knows no borders, decorum, or taste.
Because Papa Nutt, the dude who's starting JuggaloCoin is extremely serious about this working, he's outlined his strategy for establishing the currency as a viable thing. Take it away, Papa Nutt!
We’re not trying to immediately put the majority of the coins into circulation. Instead, we will “prime the well” by distributing 470,890 (about 1% of the eventual total) coins directly to Juggalos.
We call it “The Hatchet Drop” and it will take place on Twitter.
The way it works is simple. If you are a Juggalo, you simply tweet your JuggaloCoin (JUG) address along with the hashtags #JuggaloCoin and #Coins4Fam. And provide some visible evidence that you are actually a Juggalo.
If you want to get in on this pixelated gold rush, you can join the JuggaloCoin IPO here. But if you're some cryptocurrency nerd who might dare steal from the Family, they will know. "These are coins that rightfully belong to the Juggalo Family," Nutt writes. "If someone is pretending to be a Juggalo just to get coins, that’s basically stealing from the Family. PUBLICLY. Trust me, that’s not something you want to do." That's a little thing called letting the market beat the shit out of the haters with a tire iron.
The coin drops tomorrow, and may God have mercy on our souls.
Drew Millard has ambivalent feelings about Juggalos. He's on Twitter - @drewmillard