Fifty years after its release, The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is widely considered to be the greatest album ever made. And while there's no doubt that it's a masterpiece album that changed popular music forever and touched countless lives, it's time to answer the question on the minds of so many music fans: Is it better than the Red Hot Chili Peppers?Sgt. Pepper's vs. the Chili Peppers. It's a spicy question that has baffled music lovers for the ages. Sgt. Pepper's boasts an iconic set of songs and can take credit for many innovations, of course. But surely, over their 34-year career, the Chili Peppers have been able to amass a range of accomplishments that are equal to—if not better than—those on the Beatles' masterpiece.
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Let's finally settle this debate once and for all by breaking down their respective merits by category to see who comes out on top: Sgt. Pepper's? Or the Chili Peppers? These are the OFFICIAL results:Can anyone even name The Beatles' bassist? Gary Something? Conversely, if you search for the word "flea" on Google, the Chili Peppers' bassist is the very first result, beating out that dumbass bug. Maybe if Gary Whatever had spent a little more time slappin' the ol' bass and a little less time doing pirate cosplay on album covers, he'd have some good-ass SEO too.Winner: Chili PeppersHere's the tracklist of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band:"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"
"With a Little Help from My Friends"
"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"
"Getting Better"
"Fixing a Hole"
"She's Leaving Home"
"Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!"
"Within You Without You"
"When I'm Sixty-Four"
"Lovely Rita"
"Good Morning Good Morning"
"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)"
"A Day in the Life"Lots of important stuff on there. But as you may notice, it's only 13 songs, and one of them is a repeat. And it's not like you're going to sit through a whole 13 songs every time you want to listen to an album anyway. Is anyone really going to tell us that over the course of 11 studio albums, the Chili Peppers never put together, like, around 11 to 13 better songs? Here's 13 sick ones we just thought of off the tops of our heads:
Sick-ass Basslines
Songs
"With a Little Help from My Friends"
"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"
"Getting Better"
"Fixing a Hole"
"She's Leaving Home"
"Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!"
"Within You Without You"
"When I'm Sixty-Four"
"Lovely Rita"
"Good Morning Good Morning"
"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)"
"A Day in the Life"Lots of important stuff on there. But as you may notice, it's only 13 songs, and one of them is a repeat. And it's not like you're going to sit through a whole 13 songs every time you want to listen to an album anyway. Is anyone really going to tell us that over the course of 11 studio albums, the Chili Peppers never put together, like, around 11 to 13 better songs? Here's 13 sick ones we just thought of off the tops of our heads:
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"By The Way"
"Scar Tissue"
"Under the Bridge"
"Dani California"
"Can't Stop"
"Santeria"
"Higher Ground"
"Give It Away"
"The Zephyr Song"
… uhh did we say "Give It Away"? Well, put that twice, since the Beatles got to double up.
The single from the new album
"Californication"
Probably at least one other one from Stadium ArcadiumAs you can see, it's really no contest.Winner: Chili PeppersAs we all know, crazy shit happens under bridges. Those places are gold mines for thinking of dope lyrics. The Beatles notoriously spent all their time on Sgt. Pepper's singing about walking up stairs and fixing their ceilings and shit, which are things that, structurally speaking, have nothing to do with bridges. Meanwhile, Anthony Kiedis poured his damn soul out on "Under the Bridge," drawing so many tears from the people of the world that those tears formed a river to flow under the bridge. Doesn't get much realer than that.Winner: Chili PeppersThink of all the legendary bands influenced by the Chili Peppers: Crazy Town, Uncle Kracker, Sugar Ray. The list goes on. Now when have you ever heard a band that sounds like the Beatles? Never.Winner: Chili Peppers
"Scar Tissue"
"Under the Bridge"
"Dani California"
"Can't Stop"
"Santeria"
"Higher Ground"
"Give It Away"
"The Zephyr Song"
… uhh did we say "Give It Away"? Well, put that twice, since the Beatles got to double up.
The single from the new album
"Californication"
Probably at least one other one from Stadium ArcadiumAs you can see, it's really no contest.Winner: Chili Peppers
Songs About Being Under the Bridge
Influence
Members
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Members' Members
Overall Funkiness
Use of Sitar
Having a Song That's Also the Title of a David Duchovny Show
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General Shirtlessness
Winner: Chili PeppersSgt. Pepper's is often praised for its savvy yet tender songwriting, and there's no doubt that classics like "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" and "When I'm Sixty-Four" are timeless entries in the songbook of history. Consider the romantic words of "Lovely Rita," for instance:Lovely Rita meter maid
May I inquire discreetly
When are you free to take some tea with me
Took her out and tried to win her
Had a laugh and over dinner
Told her I would really like to see her againBeautiful. Truly poetic. How touching is that? Has anyone ever painted such an evocative portrait of courtship? Uh, broheim… obviously! Try the Chili Peppers' "Suck My Kiss" for size:K-i-s-s-i-n-g
Chicka chicka dee
Do me like a banshee
Low brow is how
Swimming in the sound
Of bow wow wow
Oh baby do me now
Do me here I do allow
Hit me you can't hurt me suck my kiss
Kiss me please pervert me stick with this
Is she talking dirty
Give to me sweet sacred bliss
Your mouth was made to suck my kissWe can all agree that when it comes to creating the portrait of the perfect smooch, there's a clear standout here.
Lyrics
May I inquire discreetly
When are you free to take some tea with me
Took her out and tried to win her
Had a laugh and over dinner
Told her I would really like to see her againBeautiful. Truly poetic. How touching is that? Has anyone ever painted such an evocative portrait of courtship? Uh, broheim… obviously! Try the Chili Peppers' "Suck My Kiss" for size:K-i-s-s-i-n-g
Chicka chicka dee
Do me like a banshee
Low brow is how
Swimming in the sound
Of bow wow wow
Oh baby do me now
Do me here I do allow
Hit me you can't hurt me suck my kiss
Kiss me please pervert me stick with this
Is she talking dirty
Give to me sweet sacred bliss
Your mouth was made to suck my kissWe can all agree that when it comes to creating the portrait of the perfect smooch, there's a clear standout here.
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Winner: Chili Peppers
Production by George Clinton
Production by Rick Rubin
Who Did It First?
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Logo
If you saw someone with a tattoo of the Beatles' logo, you might mistake them for some sort of Steve Jobs megafan. But if you saw someone with the Chili Peppers' logo, there ain't a single shred of uncertainty that they are DTPB (Down to Party, Bro).Winner: Chili PeppersDid the Beatles ever use a wah pedal on Sgt. Pepper's? Maybe. If we sat and listened to the whole thing, we might hear one. Did the Chili Peppers ever use a wah pedal? Uhh, fuckin' hell yeah! No need to bother even looking it up. Game, set, ma-wah-wa-w-atch.Wah-w-wah-winner: Chili PeppersFun fact: The Beatles wrote Sgt. Pepper's because they were getting so boring in concert. They could, in the words of John Lennon, "send out four waxworks … and that would satisfy the crowds. Beatles concerts are nothing to do with music anymore." We can all agree that the Chili Peppers do not have a wax-like presence. Cut from MARBLE, maybe, yeah. But not wax.Winner: Chili PeppersSgt. Pepper's has won a prestigious SIX Grammy awards. Impressive, but let's tally up how many Grammys the Chili Peppers have amassed over their long, illustrious career. They won one for "Give It Away" in '92. Then they won TWO at the 2006 Grammys. Hell yeah, that's three, baby. And then… let's see… uh…hm, that seems to be it. Wait, they must've won one for "Scar Tissue"… They did not. Man, they didn't win one for "Under the Bridge" either? That's some bullshit. Fuck this.Actually, scratch that, this category sucks, nevermind.
Use of Wah Pedal
Live Performance
Grammy Wins
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Winner: VoidTake me to the place I loooooooove.Winner: Chili PeppersWhen it comes to the pure, unadulterated ability to go all "bee-bah-doo-bah-doo-bah" all over a track, no one could do it like Kiedis. You honestly think Paul could step up to the mic and bee-bah-doo-bah-doo-bah along to some funky basslines? Doubtful. You can't even say that in a British accent without sounding like Hugh Grant falling down the stairs. Point, Chili Peppers.Winner: Chili PeppersRingo Starr has accomplished many things. But one thing he has never been able to do is pass for the star of such movies as Step Brothers and Elf. Chad Smith, on the other hand, not only looks like Will Ferrell but has competed in a drum-off with the Old School actor himself! On live television! And then Flea showed up! And the rest of the band! And they played a song with Will Ferrell, like in the skit. Can anyone say "more cowbell?" The Beatles sure can't!Winner: Chili Peppers
But I Don't Ever Wanna Feeeeeeeeel Like I Did That Day
Ability to Go, Like, "Bee-bah-doo-bah-doo-bah"
Having a Drummer Who Looks Exactly Like Will Ferrell
Socks on Dicks
Winner: Chili PeppersChili Peppers: 20, Sgt. Pepper's: 1The Beatles put up a good fight, but clearly, the Chili Peppers won this hard-fought battle. There's no shame in it. The Beatles can still hold their heads high, knowing they lost to the best. This takes nothing away from Sgt. Pepper's, of course, which is still a very nice little album in comparison to the sock-swingin', bass-slappin', bee-bah-doo-bah-doo-bahin' shirtlessness of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.