Many thanks to these artists for joining forces to disappoint me in a way I didn't even know was possible.
Your nightmares are over! Or maybe they've just begun! Here are more bizarre songs that pair rappers with unlikely (but likely bad) musicians. Click Here for Volume One.
DMX (Feat. Marilyn Manson) - "The Omen"
DMX's sophomore release Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood features plenty of the Dark Man's signature split personality raps, "The Omen" being no exception. Here, he's taking the role of himself and the devil—who, according to DMX, sounds like Porky Pig after speech therapy. Present also is Marilyn Manson groaning on a hook which is lyrically identical to the one that was used in "Damien". To be clear: the path of logic used here by some Def Jam rep was, "Let's pay this industrial metal artist a lot of money to repeat a hook DMX has already done on another song, except this time it will sound creepy and deflated, like the kind of exhaustion you feel after taking a huge shit in the middle of the night. Yeah, that's a good idea." Now imagine DMX and Marilyn Manson toasting piña coladas to celebrate their new artistic venture. Now laugh/cry yourself to sleep.
Limp Bizkit (Feat. Method Man, and Pauly Shore, kind of I guess) - "N 2 Gether Now"
Fred Durst was that kid on the floor of your freshman year dorm who was just the biggest douchebag whenever you played videogames together. My heart goes out to Method Man in this video: think of how horrifying it must have been to discover that Durst mastered kung fu and can defy gravity. Can a greater evil exist in the world? Yes it can, and that's Pauly Shore delivering your pizza half eaten. Solution? Go to purgatory and hang out with the rest of Limp Bizkit, DJ Premier, and Redman. Just kidding that's a terrible idea because it doesn't involve more pizza. I guess this song kinda bangs in a "Nod Your Head During Beer Pong" kind of way, which is what I think Limp Bizkit designed their music for anyway.
Enrique Iglesias (Feat. Lil Wayne) - "Push"
Regrettably, everyone's favorite track from the Step Up 2: The Streets soundtrack never saw an official release of the version that included not one but TWO verses from Lil Wayne. The best line in this song is, "She said she wanna do it to the new Enrique/ I popped this in and put the song on replay" because it confirms that Wayne is voluntarily contributing a verse to an Enrique Iglesias song and that I am not dreaming. I guess that if you were Lil Wayne in 2008, you'd probably already be thinking about your future magnum opus Rebirth, which means that logical career choices are a low priority at this juncture. The second-best line is, "Cause I'm cool, just like the breeze, guey/ now push it like Salt N' P-E-P-P-A" because it confirms Wayne's absurdly stunning laziness.
Private (Feat. Genasis) - "Everywhere"
Private is a Danish synthpop band that wrote the best song ever recorded in the course of human history in 2010. Knowing that civilization had peaked and that they could never surpass such sonic magnificence, Private began a concentrated effort to make mediocre pop music starting in 2012, enlisting the aid of recent G-Unit g-list signee Genasis. Consequently, we're blessed with gems like, "Puttin' my butter all over her muffin," and, "She go strange for that change." Many thanks to G-Unit and Private for joining forces to disappoint me in a way I didn't even know was possible.
Gabriel Herrera DJ's every other Tuesday at Arrow Bar in the East Village, much to the ire of certain people on Twitter (which is also a thing that Gabriel Herrera is on) - @gabrielherrera