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Music

Noisey's Yee-Haw Country Round-Up, Volume 1

In which Noisey's Kim Kelly and Drew Millard discuss Florida Georgia Line, Raelynn, Tim McGraw, and the possibility of Kenny Chesney having sex.

At Noisey, we love all kinds of music equally, and feel very strongly that no song, artist, or genre is inherently “better” than any other. For example, our resident metal nerd Kim Kelly and real rap head Drew Millard both happen to secretly love pop-country. In Noisey’s Yee Haw Country Round-Up, they’ll survey the best and the worst of the Billboard Hot Country charts.

Florida Georgia Line - “Sun Daze”

Drew: This song is one of those tracks that could only exist in mainstream country. It’s basically what you’d get you locked Nickelback and Lil Wayne in the studio and told them to make a Jimmy Buffett song. Within the span of the first verse, FGL’s Tyler Hubbard talks about playing flip cup, cornhole, and aspires to have sex. That is peak bro, and peak bro-country.
Kim: “Peak bro-country” is 100% correct. I kind of hate myself for not hating this, especially because of the whistling (so much whistling) and the fact that Bro #2 looks like a happier Blake Judd. Their pro-furry stance is pretty progressive, at least.

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Kenny Chesney - “Till It’s Gone”

Kim: Overall, Kenny Chesney seems like one of the most supremely chill elder statesmen of bro-country, and in a move sure to thrill hockey moms across the globe, “Till It’s Gone” sees him getting a little sexy. The entire song seems to be about doin’ it, which is kind of weird coming from your kindly Uncle Kenny; he’s always been the anti-outlaw, a wholesome and well-polished crooner. This song feels a little too much like walking in on your uncle grabbing your auntie’s ass under the mistletoe.
Drew: As far as I understand, Uncle Kenny is actually completely hairless, kind of like Dr. Evil’s cat. Listening to this song makes me think of a totally aerodynamic Chesney, wearing nothing but hemp Rainbow flip-flops, Oakleys, and tie-dye Croakies, making sweet love inside of a beach cabana. In other words, this song is good.

Tim McGraw - “Shotgun Rider”

Kim: I miss the days when Taylor Swift was open about her Tim McGraw obsession; it was just one more thing that brought us closer together, and I mean, can you blame her? Faith Hill’s a lucky gal. Alas, Tay-Tay ditched poor old Tim for the bright lights and handsome dim bulbs of the big city (YOUR LOSS, GIRL). This is a really sweet love song, filtered through the requisite redneck filter because this ain’t New York City and sometimes you just really need to take a long drive with your love bug.
Drew: This is one of those songs that seems like it was designed in a lab to be completely pleasant, and then focus-grouped to a room full of moms to ensure its maximum inoffensiveness. Great tune, but my favorite version of Tim McGraw is whenever he has Guru put a lil T-Pain on his shit, such as his Auto-Tune-tastic slapper “Lookin’ for That Girl.”

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Raelynn - “God Made Girls”

Kim: Raelynn can fuck off right into the pastel sunset with this antiquated horseshit. I’d give anything in the world to see her try and feebly spout this pap in front of a badass grand dame like Loretta Lynn, or, god forbid, our lord and savior Dolly Parton—women who spent literal decades fighting back against proto-bro-country’s assumptions about the so-called fairer sex. This song is the actual worst thing to happen to country all year—even worse than Florida Georgia Line.
Drew: This song is about three unicorn hairs away from being a Ween song sending up mainstream country’s regressive gender politics (think “Bananas and Blow,” but about how dope virginity is). But it’s not, and instead it is just a very, very bad song. Also, how big a dumbass do you have to be to try to use a ladder to climb up to the moon?

Cole Swindell - “Ain’t Worth the Whiskey”

Kim: First off, has there ever been a more perfect title for a country song then “Ain’t Worth the Whiskey”? It’s no “There’s a Tear in My Beer” and is a heckuva lot more upbeat than you’d expect, but Cole does manage to work in a toast to both closing down the bar and a work week gone, so it checks enough boxes to pass. Our jilted hero pulls together the three holiest of holies that fuel pop country’s near-religious fervor for itself—whiskey, swagger, and a girl—and wraps them up in a comforting Georgia burr and backing tune that’s a little bit rock’n’roll, a little bit pop, and 100% radio country.
Drew: Country is definitely tied with hip-hop in terms of relentless self-reference/canon-building. This one is the equivalent of when 50 Cent wrote “In da Club.” I.e., it’s almost trying on purpose to be as much of a country song as it can possibly be. Also, I’ve been wondering: when you’ve got a song like this, in which a dude is getting drunk on a Friday after work in a small-town bar, are we supposed to presume he’s driving home afterwards? Drunk driving is not tight, even if this song is pretty tight.

Kim Kelly is on Twitter, as is Drew Millard.