Buckwheat Groats Turned "Tom Hanks" Into Ghetto Scarface

Would you consider Tom Hanks a badass motherfucking baller ass gangsta? If not, you may want to reconsider your perspective after watching Buckwheat Groat's "Tom Hanks" video.

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Mar 20 2014, 2:32pm

Think about Tom Hanks for a second. Would you consider Tom Hanks a badass motherfucking baller ass gangsta? If not, you may want to reconsider your perspective after watching Buckwheat Groats aptly titled "Tom Hanks" video. In it, the NYC-based, cypher-prone provocateurs cavort with the multi-Oscar winner through a trvp lord's wonderland, replete with oceans of blow and gratuitous objectification of "dat ass."

Yeah, it might be an impressive display of jib-jabbery, but Buckwheat Groats, Penis Bailey and Lil Dinky respectively, is not fucking about. The beat has swagger, the rhymes have flow, and the video is some cinematic shit. In a little over 24 hours, the video has racked up over 100,000 views out of nowhere. We had to learn more. The duo took a moment out of winning the internet to chat some shit with Noisey.

Noisey: First things first: who the fuck are you guys?
Penis Bailey: Buckwheat Groats, baby. Penis Bailey and Lil Dinky aka Deff Janiels. We out here, man.

Where do you live?
PB: We're currently residing in New York City.

You've got a little of that Southern twang, though. Where did you get that from?
Lil Dinky: You might be picking up on a little bit of the Polish.

PB: Yeah, we originally hail from Grunwald, Poland. They kinda have a country vibe going on over there. We New York to the core now, but we have love for all different types of cultures and shit. Up north in Canadia, down South, Mexicans, man. We fuck with it all.

LD: We fuck with Mexicans.

Where do you guys source your video hoes from?
PB: They generally come to us. We pick and choose. We have to weed a bunch of them out cause we got bitches with moustaches and ears growing out of their foreheads and shit coming at us. The tapwater here in New York has weird, toxic shit in it.

Where did you get all that cocaine from?
LD: What the fuck is this, man? Nah, nah, nah, nah. Next question.

PB: We can't....You gotta tell us if you're a cop, though, right?

Nah, I'm not a cop. I'm just thinking next time I'm in New York...
PB: Oh, aight. I mean, we got you, dawg...

LD: You can hit us on the beeper line

PB: On the burner phone. We got it for cheap!

How many Tom Hanks movies are actually referenced in the song?
LD: We left off some of the weaker ones. The Man With The Red Shoe.

PB: We didn't fuck with that one. We had to leave out Punchline because that movie is a little bit sub-par. Captain Phillips came out as we wrote the song.

LD: Saving Mr. Banks as well, but I believe we saw those.

PB: We've seen every Tom Hanks movie.

What is it about Tom Hanks in particular?
PB: He's just a God, man.

LD: You just get this evil vibe from, him, bro.

PB: He fuckin' walks with a swagger, with panache. When he steps into a room...who are you lookin' at?

LD: You lookin' at Hanks.

PB: Hanks! You're looking at Hanks!

LD: He fucked some of the baddest bitches of all time.

Like who?
PB: Rita Wilson, first of all.

LD: Rita Wilson is a fucking babe. We tried to get her in the video but Tom didn't want to exploit his wife like that.

PB: He's a family man, but, you know, he's also got that killer instinct.

LD: The guy has a lot of orgasms...And i'm not talkin' about his own hand and shit, the guy is spewing it everywhere.

PB: ...Not men, though.

LD: None of that.

PB: He has bitches.

What was he like on set?
LD: He stays to himself a lil bit. The guy is high as shit. He doesn't really like being fucked with.

PB: He was cool with us, y'know, but he had to pistol whip a grip when the grip put a light too close to his head.

LD: We had to tell our interns to stay the fuck away from him.

Tom Hanks' son Chet is apparently a rapper/R&B crooner.
LD: We love Chet.

PB: We fuck with Chet.

LD: In fact, Chet hit us up, said we're part of the family now. That's real shit.

PB: And Chet got fucking hits, man. I dunno if you've ever heard of that song "Hollywood."

LD: "Hollywood" is a banger.

Tell me about playing the Gathering of the Juggalos.
PB: It was a good ass time. We got love for the Juggalo community.

LD: We seen Vanilla Ice riding around on a golf cart throwing beer bottles at bitches, bro, Vanilla Ice is real as fuck.

PB: Yo, we was at the fucking Sevendust concert...We did like 200 nitrous. It was one of the best experiences of my life, man. For real, ICP put on a fuckin' wild ass show. Some dude sliced off his nipple for like $150, man.

LD: Put it in a plastic bag.

PB: He put that shit right in the bag. That's not even no hyperbole or nothin'. You can look it up.

Please rank the following in terms of importance: Cocaine, Hennessey, weed.
LD: Cocaine, cocaine, cocaine...

PB: Cocaine, Hennessy, and then weed. They're all essential. On the real, like, if we didn't have cocaine, we would die.

LD: That's real talk.

PB: ...If we didn't have Hennessey, we would cry. If we didn't have weed, man, this life would be a lie.

LD: Bam. But that's the the second time you've asked us about cocaine. We don't have any knowledge about it.

Is that so wrong?
LD: I don't know you, i've never seen you before. For all I know, you're at the precinct right now, okay, so let's just finish the coke talk.

Who would win in a fight: you guys or Flosstradamus?
LD: Is that a real question?

PB: We've never lost a fight in our fucking lives.

LD: We've got love for Flosstradamus but we'd squeeze those dudes necks into little pretzel shapes.

PB: We ain't about that dumb flossin'. We started off in the streets of fuckin' Poland, when things were real tough.

LD: Flosstradamus never had to cobble shoes for a living, let's just put it that way.

PB: We labored for 20 years as cobblers.

What are your thoughts on the state of trap music at the moment?
PB: Yo, we think it's a great fucking situation.

LD: Are you talking about cocaine again right now?

I mean like trap music, trap music, trill hi-hats n' shit.
LD: This is fuckin' entrapment, man. This guy is a fed.

[Hangs up]

And there it is. World, meet Buckwheat Groats. Tom Hanks' publicity company, 42West, was not available for comment.

Jemayel Khawaja is a Los Angeles based music and culture writer. His words have mumbled their way onto Vice (Noisey, THUMP), The Hollywood Reporter, L.A Weekly, and L.A Canvas. He is the editor of Stereotude.com. Jemayel is sponsored by Thesaurus.com - @Jemayelk