C'mon Dudes, PARTYNEXTDOOR Isn't Actually Lying About His Age

This is dumb.

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Jul 27 2016, 5:57pm


MFW I hear these theories.

Conspiracies. What would the rap game be without 'em? No one is who say they are, people aren't as cool with each other as they appear to be, everything is lies and scammery. Naturally, given the secrecy that surrounds OVO artists, much has been speculated about PartyNextDoor for the past few years. One of the ever-vigilant users of KanyeToThe seems to have stumbled upon a plot regarding PND that's so massive it could shake up THE ENTIRE WORLD OF MUSIC. Perhaps.

The gist is that PND was in fact born in 1985 and not, as is documented literally everywhere else, 1993. This would make him 31 years old instead of 23: not really "old" but significantly older than what he says he is. Unfortunately, in his case against PND, KTT user Corporate is being what my people (Mississaugans) would call "a fucking waste yute, brooooooo." Let's review the evidence.

THE ACCUSATION

Corporate claims this image is from the Class of 1985 yearbook of Applewood Heights Secondary School (that's what we call them) in Mississauga. Jahron Brathwaite a.k.a. PartyNextDoor is clearly identified in this picture, therefore he is Old.

THE TRUTH
If this was from the yearbook of kids who graduated in 1985, Party would be close to 50 years old now, which is actual nonsense. Corporate would have a case if he could prove this is from, say, the 2002 yearbook, but he can't. Inconsistencies aren't what you want in your argument. Next!

THE ACCUSATION

This is apparently an image from Party's old SoundClick profile that lists his supposedly correct age.

THE TRUTH
The fuck is SoundClick? Is that even still a thing? "The #1 Artist Music Community?" With that ugly-ass Angelfire HTML 2 design? Nope!

THE ACCUSATION

This is a picture of Party from 2009. Corporate argues that he's simply too fat to be believable as a teenager.

THE TRUTH
Dude, this is just kinda mean. The guy was chubby, big deal. There's no iota of correlation between weight and age. This is dumb.

THE ACCUSATION

A selfie taken by a PND fan dated to January 25th, 2002. Corporate points out that the camera model checks out.

THE TRUTH
As others have pointed out, did anyone ever have the correct date set up on a digital camera?

The reality is that Jahron Brathwaite was most likely just a kid who made music and fucked around with his friends in high school (a description of roughly 60% of Mississauga's population from 2007 onward) before knuckling down and getting a record deal and maybe becoming a Kardashian-Jenner. That's it. Everyone go home and do something productive with your time.

Phil did all of this instead of something productive. Follow him on Twitter.