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Good News! Walmart Fixes Everything by Playing Less Canadian Music

The first step in making sure your employees are happy is to not play any more Celine Dion or Justin Bieber.

Jabbari Weekes

Jabbari Weekes


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This article originally appeared on Noisey Canada.

Good news everyone! Walmart has decided to finally address some of its employee’s dissatisfactions in light of the superstore’s recent sluggish sales and reports of poor customer service. The first step? Removing Canadian music! According to the New York Times, management will “address numerous complaints from workers about having to listen to the same Justin Bieber and Celine Dion albums all day.” That’s a little thing we like to call corporate responsibility! Instead of all that Canadian content, the store will now switch over to Walmart Radio, an in-store broadcasting system with a DJ who we can only assume will play everything at 128 BPM.

Besides music, Walmart will now raise all worker’s salaries to above minimum wage to remind people to “Save Money, Live Better.” This new slogan is more than applicable for the armies of minimum wage workers, many of whom depend on government aid, as it touches on the two major things they want. But at least workers won’t be reminded of their less than opulent lifestyle while Bieber is “Chilling by a fire eatin’ fondue.”