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Ew, Your Mom Is Probably Gonna Watch The Weeknd's New 50 Shades of Grey Video

Watch the video for "Earned It." It's so sexy!

TFW you're singing to a boob…

Sex. All kinds of people do it. The Weeknd does it. The characters in 50 Shades of Grey do it. Your parents, at least at one point, did it.

Ha! You didn't think this was going to go there, did you? You heard there was a new Weeknd video that was for his song on the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack and your first thought was that you couldn't wait to see some partial nudity at the very least. And if you were to watch that video, which you can do below, you would be rewarded with said partial nudity. Look at this carefully presented butt:

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Ayoooo! That's a butt! And yeah, your mom, who loves 50 Shades of Grey, is going to watch this video and see that butt too. But(t) it's all good! Who hasn't seen a butt with some Xes taped onto it? Compared to that time your mom actually gave you a copy of 50 Shades of Grey to read, this is nothing. Just a whole lot of almost naked women:

Squad goals

Whoaaaaaa! Those boobs are not very covered up! Titillating! You know who else is probably titillated right now? Your dad, who your mom is showing this video to as an example of all the potential that can be unlocked in the bedroom. Imagine your parents. Doing this:

TFW bae is tied up in front of u

Gotta love some bondage, right? There's nothing sexier than having a hot billionaire tie you up and subject you to some serious S&M, feel me? Even if you're not a billionaire, you can always role play! For instance, your parents will probably watch this video and think "gee, what would it be like if we turned our bedroom into a giant orgy theater, like the Weeknd did? It could be country themed and we could call it the Grand Ol' Orgy." What if our living room—you can probably imagine them asking themselves—looked like this:

Wow. That's a guaranteed prelude to a fuckfest for any and all viewers—namely, your parents. Your parents are definitely thinking of sex right now. And so are you. But you're thinking of your parents having sex. Because, if we're being honest, who wouldn't be turned on by this:

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Look at that chair pose! That's the kind of physical posture that just screams "you should try something new and frisky in the bedroom tonight." Which is probably what your mom is thinking right now because, now that you mention it, it's been a while since she read 50 Shades of Grey, and she probably totally forgot about that ball gag she bought after the book came out until right now. Not to mention all those ropes that, just to keep it 100, anyone who sees this is going to think of:

Damn! That is a naked woman suspended from the ceiling! Does your parent's bedroom have the capacity for that? Are you sure? When was the last time you went in there? Look, nobody's saying your parents are actually doing this. But your mom is definitely watching this video. And anybody watching this video is thinking about sex. They're probably planning their own tribute video shoot called The Parnts. And next thing you know, in this meandering sex fantasia, suddenly your mom is contemplating this sexy Human Centipede action:

Ewwwwwwwwwww! Gross! Sex is gross! Watch the video for "Earned It" below. If you made through reading this, you have indeed earned it.

Kyle Kramer WILL fuck in 2015. Follow him on Twitter.