Test-Driving the New Action Bronson Cocktail at Pouring Ribbons

“I’m sure it’s in here,” Joaquin Simo murmurs as he thumbs through one of the cocktail books housed behind the bar of Pouring Ribbons. He’s attempting to explain the rationale behind the Action Bronson, an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink cocktail concocted by the award-winning bartender and named for the loquacious Flushing, Queens rapper. A drink Joaquin characterizes as an “incongruous cocktail,” the Action Bronson consists of rose-infused Clontarf whiskey and a Hungarian liqueur called Unicum Plum, as well as grapefruit and lime juices. Oh, and beets. “That earthy sweetness of beets is what I was really after. Beet juice in cocktails is fairly intense. We use about a quarter ounce of beet juice in this drink, a tiny amount. “

I’m sitting at the bar as part of a formidable drinking quartet, comprised of myself, Joaquin, and Lulu Martinez and Mathew Resler of the just-opened Golden Cadillac. Sharply dressed and pleased to see familiar faces so early in what promises to be a typically bustling Friday night shift, Joaquin swiftly doles out four small glasses of Cynar, an herbal Italian liqueur derived from, among other things, artichokes. Drinks are raised as is custom, and downed in one gulp.

A second-floor drinkery down in Alphabet City you'd be more likely to mindlessly walk past than intently stumble into, Pouring Ribbons is one of the choice venues in New York City where serious, creatively named beverages and award-winning bartenders await those actively fleeing batched abominations purporting to be screwdrivers and bloody marys in search of a more sophisticated slosh. With imposing-looking doormen subtly enforcing a sense of order in a neighborhood these days known more for fist-bumping bros than those seeking a true drinking experience, just entering the place can be daunting. It's the kind of enviable establishment Action Bronson would rap about, exclusive enough to seem incredible, another item in his seemingly fantastical life.

Ultimately unable to locate the desired passage in that book, Joaquin admits, ““When you look at this drink on paper, it doesn’t seem to make sense” while assuring me that there are some “classic flavor combinations” at work, particularly the rose—a mix of buds and petals—and plum. Bronson’s laundry list flow lends itself well to a tribute of this sort, with referential streams of consciousness that all come together make something confounding and bizarre while retaining an essence of the classic. Take, for example, the opening bars of "Ron Simmons," one of Joaquin's favorites off last year’s Blue Chips mixtape:

Gypsy salami, cheeses from the cave / Wild dandelion greens dressed up on the plate / Parmesan crisp, we wilin' at Marea

Ingredients and technique aside, Joaquin’s motivation for the drink stems from incessant repeat listens to that breakthrough tape poolside during a recent vacation. “I kept chuckling and my wife asked, ‘What’s so funny?’ He just said Paul Orndorff! and I’m just laughing my ass off. She was like, ‘I don’t know who that is.’” If you didn’t catch that one, you probably weren’t as obsessed with pro-wrestling as Joaquin was in his 1980s boyhood, something he and Bronson happen to have in common. “Obviously at that time WWF ruled the national airwaves,” he reminisces, “But I was still able to swap VHS tapes with my friends. I would watch old AWA, NWA, even Mid-South and Texas wrestling.” Though Bronsolino’s constant callbacks to the likes of Marty Jannetty and Mr. Wonderful clearly resonate with Joaquin, he concedes that marriage “puts a real crimp” in keeping up with the sport today.

The very stylish Joaquin Simo

With such a backstory, the cocktail needed to be damn good, lest Bronson himself catch wind of it, hate it, and hit Joaquin with a suplex delivered with the righteous fury of a man whose reputation for decadence had been besmirched. So I had recruited Lulu and Mathew to offer their expert perspectives on the drink alongside my well-practiced but assuredly amateur take. "First you smell the rose and unicum," Mathew immediately notices, while Lulu, having not read the menu description first, tries to talk it out. “I know the flavor very well but I can't remember. It’s almost like grilled nopales.” Coming off a lingering cold, what strikes me first other than its remarkable redness is a fruity aroma, deceptively sweet as I’d learn upon my first sip, which revealed something smooth yet deep, thanks certainly to those beets.

When Lulu sees the recipe, she exclaims, “It's whiskey? That's why it's so confusing. I almost feel like it's tequila. You get these green notes that throw you off.” Confirming Joaquin’s earlier point about classic flavor combinations, Mathew reflects, “I love the fact that the floral notes from the rose play with the grapefruit. The earthy notes play with the plum.” Though frustrated by the enormous ice cube at the center of the glass (“Why are you hiding all the goodness?!”), he acknowledges, “It’s a great fall drink.” Me, I’m just drinking mine too fast—the Pouring Ribbons menu changes seasonally, so the Action Bronson won’t be here for long. For those who love their hip-hop cocktails with a healthy dose of beet, consider this your five week warning.

Gary Suarez lives in Queens and tweets on Twitter - @noyokono