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Is Too $hort Actually Closing in on Wilt Chamberlain's Sex Tally?

In which we ask "how great is this video?" and "how long would it actually take to have that much sex?"

When it comes to detailing one's sexual history, there may not be a better storyteller alive than Too $hort. His newest video for "19,999" is one of the best songs about fornicating with a lot of women from all over the country since Afroman's "Colt 45" and is easily the most adorably illustrated rap music video ever seen. Watch as Too $hort's canine alter-ego drives around and has sex with a vast amount of female dogs (get it?) in Los Angeles and Detroit. Special cartoon cameos come courtesy of Wilt Chamberlain, E-40, Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, TMZ, and a Poodle Twerk Team.

But how long would it actually take you to have sex with 20,000 women? According to my hyper-scientific math, done on the back of an envelope, Too $hort is 48 now, so let's assume that he's been sexually active since he was 16, which is 32 years. That means he would have to have sex with, on average, 625 women a year, or 1.7 women a day. Obviously this is a near-impossible task to undertake on a regular basis, especially when you account for the days where Too $hort is busy travelling or being detained by the police for running from the cops, but he helpfully breaks down some of his "clusterfuck" scenarios, including "10 bitches every night at mardi gras." Additional clusterfuck scenarios include major sporting events and Atlanta festivals that no longer exist, including "All-Star Weekend, Superbowl Sunday, Fight Night, or Freaknik." When you account for the fact that events like Fight Night happen every few months, the claim of bedding 19,999 women start to look more and more likely.

Too $hort's quest has no limits or policies. He will just as quickly have sex with the daughter of his past conquest as he'll service rich white women at the Kentucky Derby. Too $hort's quest is also without borders, as he plainly tells us that he's had "a few in London, some in France," and he "didn't want to leave when [he] flew to Japan". When you factor in how much easier it is to travel the world in this modern age than it was in the 50s-70s, which were likely Wilt Chamberlain's glory years, it starts to become more and more likely that Too $hort has actually beaten Wilt's legendary off the court statistics. So congratulations Too $hort, on copulating and likely upsetting thousands and thousands of women. In any case, it's nice to see the West Coast veteran enjoying his autumn years by doing what makes him happy: making cartoons and having sex.

Slava Pastuk has had sex 1.9999 times - @SlavaP