Or don't. We get it.
Punk rock icon/depressed melted torso Iggy Pop kicked the music world in its soft places today by releasing some unexpected new material with a Hawk and a Hacksaw in the form of "Asshole Rules the Navy."
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Oh, whatever. Another song about anuses and maritime policy. Ho hum." But you'd better check your attitude at the homepage because I'm not done with you yet. Iggy Pop sings this song AS A PIRATE about BUTT SEX AT SEA. Did you think you would be reading "BUTT SEX AT SEA" on a Tuesday afternoon? NO. Of course not. That would be ridiculous. And yet thanks to Iggy Pop, Hawk and a Hacksaw, and Johnny Depp, here we are.
Why did I throw Johnny Depp in the mix? Well, the ditty comes off of a "swashbuckling compilation" CURATED BY DEPP called Son of Rogue's Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs and Chanteys (which is a thing that the world definitely needs—thank you, Johnny Depp). In addition to the two (TWO!) songs contributed by Pop, Son of Rogue's Gallery also features cuts from Tom Waits, Keith Richards, Patti Smith, Nick Cave, Courtney Love, Michael Stipe, and a handful of other people who should have probably deleted their dealer's number 25 years ago.
You can buy Son of Rogue's Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs and Chanteys when it comes out on Anti- February 19th, but you probably shouldn't.
Sasha Hecht gives up. She is also on Twitter - @sashahecht