Get These Mainstream White Rapper Dickholes' Remixes Out of My Life

Gucci Mane escorts us into a cold winter with a highly unnecessary Jake Paul remix, Cardi B's "Bodak Yellow" gets a reboot, and Lil Yachty hops on Creek Boyz "With My Team" in this installment of the Remix Report Card.

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Feb 12 2018, 5:30pm

Our latest crop of all-star rap remixes falls into two categories: collaborations that make too much sense, and collaborations that make no sense at all. Kodak Black and Juicy J made appropriate if predictable appearances on songs that borrowed their flows, while Lil Yachty, Nicki Minaj and Gucci Mane hopped on songs that they really had no business touching.

“B.E.D. (Remix)” by Jacquees featuring Ty Dolla $ign and Quavo

A year or two back, people started to notice that Cash Money’s rising R&B singer bore a resemblance to Migos star Quavo, although the likeness seemed less striking once they got together for a photo op. But they’ve evidently remained friends, with Quavo hopping on the remix of Jacquees’s breakthrough single. And since it’s been a few months since he made the original song, Jacquees revises the original track’s refrain “21 with no kids” to “22 with no kids.” But the remix also includes Ty Dolla $ign, who rhymes “motorboatin’” with “baby oil,” outraps Quavo, and outsings Jacquees.

Best Verse: Ty Dolla $ign
Overall Grade: B

“Bodak Yellow (Remix)” by Cardi B featuring Kodak Black

At the top of 2017, Kodak Black’s long-bubbling 2014 breakthrough track “No Flockin” finally charted on the Hot 100. And then a few months later, Cardi B used the “No Flockin” flow for “Bodak Yellow,” which became an enormous #1 hit that far eclipsed the song that inspired it. Rappers have been catching a lot of feelings lately about borrowed flows, so it was refreshing to see this turn out amicably, with Cardi giving Kodak a songwriting credit in addition to paying homage in the song title. In September, Kodak appeared on the “Bodak Yellow” remix as well as releasing "No Flockin 2.”, making a point of rapping in new flows on both tracks. For some reason, though, Kodak is pretty great on “Bodak” while he completely shits the bed on “No Flockin 2.”

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B+

“First Day Out (Remix)” by Tee Grizzley featuring Meek Mill

It’s been almost a year since Tee Grizzley’s breakthrough single had a run on the charts, and over 5 years since Meek Mill released “Dreams & Nightmares,” the classic track that was a clear influence on the soft-to-loud dynamics of “First Day Out.” Meek Mill recorded a verse for a “First Day Out” remix months ago, before he went back to prison in November, but Tee Grizzley’s delayed release of the track turned out fortuitous: he finally put it out this week, after the Eagles ran on the field to “Dreams & Nightmares” the day they won a Super Bowl Trophy. In that context, this remix feels all the more fateful and weighty, but it’s hard for anything to sound less than epic over this beat.

Best Verse: Meek Mill
Overall Grade: A-

“It’s Everyday Bro (Remix)” by Jake Paul featuring Gucci Mane

When photos surfaced of Gucci Mane in the studio with odious YouTube personality Jake Paul, perhaps the most hated non-politician of 2017, people were not happy, to say the least. Cries of “Gucci Mane is canceled” were perhaps a bit over the top, however. This is, of course, the same Gucci Mane that made an entire album with V-Nasty well after she was taken to task for using the N-word. “It’s Everyday Bro” may not even be the worst hit by a white rapper that Gucci has remixed this year, given that blackbear’s “do re mi” still exists. But it was already pretty awful that “It’s Everyday Bro” charted on the Hot 100 to begin with, and Gucci’s capable verse threatens to further legitimize Jake Paul’s music hobby and elevate him to the level of acceptable mainstream white rapper dickholes like Post Malone and G-Eazy.

Best Verse: Gucci Mane
Overall Grade: F

“No Limit (Remix)” by G-Eazy featuring French Montana, Juicy J, Belly and A$AP Rocky

Since Master P already appeared on the remix to Usher’s “No Limit” a couple years ago, Gerald Eazy turned to the other ‘90s southern rap icon who’s paid homage on his “No Limit,” with Juicy J showing up to rap the “Slob On My Knob” bar that inspired the hook. But all of these new verses, particularly Gerald Eazy’s feeble new bars, pale in comparison to Cardi B’s from the original, so it all feels like a downgrade for a song that wasn’t that good to begin with.

Best Verse: Juicy J
Overall Grade: C

“Plain Jane (Remix)” by A$AP Ferg featuring Nicki Minaj

“Plain Jane” and “No Limit” have been twinned in the public’s mind, as the two songs “Slob On My Knob”-interpolating tracks simultaneously rose up the charts over the last few months. And the parallels continued as remixes for both tracks dropped 2 days apart in December. In the case of “Plain Jane,” the remix is more of a star vehicle for Nicki Minaj to take over the song, and it’s right in the middle of the pack of her remixes in recent years, below “Down in the DM” and above “No Flex Zone.”

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C-

“Reminder (Remix)” by The Weekend featuring Young Thug & A$AP Rocky

The worst development of Starboy-era Weeknd is his increased focus on hacky rap punchlines that would make Fabolous blush, with the single “Reminder” featuring the album’s biggest howlers (“got that Hannibal, silence of the Lambo,” “got a sweet Asian chick, she go Lo Mein”). The “Reminder” remix still features that awful Weeknd verse, but it bookends it with two pretty excellent verses by real rappers. Young Thug in particular sounds great on this beat, rapping with the kind of sincerity and clear enunciation that even his biggest detractors might appreciate.

Best Verse: Young Thug
Overall Grade: B+

“Water (Remix)” by Joe Gifted featuring Quavo and Gucci Mane

Joe Gifted’s “Water” was one of those rare sleeper hits on rap radio this year that came from a new artist with no big name cosigns. So it feels like fitting vindication for the remix to feature two of 2017’s most ubiquitous MCs. Quavo in particular seems to really love putting his own spin on Joe Gifted’s melodic flow.

Best Verse: Quavo
Overall Grade: B+

“The Way Life Goes (Remix)” by Lil Uzi Vert featuring Nicki Minaj and OhWonder

I thought “The Way Life Goes” was a perfectly affecting little emo rap ballad in its original form, and instantly gritted my teeth when I heard that Nicki Minaj would appear on the remix. It works a little better than I assumed it would. But there’s still a disconnect between her rapping “you gotta pay me flat bread, yeah, the pita way” straight into Lil Uzi Vert’s emotional chorus. And the video makes it even more awkward, cutting between Uzi’s scenes, a ripoff of Kanye West’s “Flashing Lights” where he’s tied up and then murdered by a scantily clad woman, and Nicki rapping animatedly with a machete in a log cabin.

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D

“What You Like (Remix)” by 24hrs featuring PnB Rock and MadeinTYO

This year 24hrs scored a breakthrough radio hit without an assist from his more famous brother MadeInTYO. But 24hrs opted to keep it in the family for the remix, and it’s entertaining to hear the two siblings trade chirpy flows. 24hrs adds a creative new verse to his own song that samples other rappers for ad libs (he references Yo Gotti and Gotti chimes in “I am,” he references his Gangsta Grillz mixtape and Lil Jon’s “Gangsta Grizzillz” drop plays).

Best Verse: 24hrs
Overall Grade: B

“With My Team (Remix)” by Creek Boyz featuring Lil Yachty

Baltimore County’s Creek Boyz have been ruling local radio all year with their heartfelt, harmony-filled street rap anthem “With My Team,” and the song has been poised for greater national fame since the group signed to 300 a few months ago. I wasn’t particularly interested in the idea of any big mainstream stars jumping on the track, but if it was going to happen, I could think of dozens of people I’d rather hear on this song than Lil Yachty. That said, Yachty is a decent rapper when he puts in the effort, and with the Creek Boyz singing backup on his verse it really retains the feel of the original. Each member of the group adds a new verse to the remix, but as with the original, J Reezy steals the spotlight when he kicks off his verse with “GOD DAMN!” and then kicks some new bars with the same flow.

Best Verse: J Reezy
Overall Grade: C

Al Shipley is a writer based in Maryland. Follow him on Twitter.