Drake Put Out Two New Songs About His Feelings

Drake put out two new songs late yesterday, which makes today an unofficial holiday for sensitive dudes. Let's talk about them like a family.

Drake put out two new songs late yesterday, which makes today an unofficial holiday for sensitive dudes. Let's talk about them like a family.

"No New Friends"

Even though I like this song a lot, it's kind of sad because it really confirms my fears that I will never be Drake's friend ever, because now that he's worn a T-shirt that says "No New Friends," sang-rapped the phrase, "No new friends" in "Started from the Bottom," and made a song called "No New Friends," it's pretty clear that Drake is no longer accepting applications in the friendship department. Still, I think I'd be good enough at being Drake's friend for him to make an exception to his No New Friends rule, and here's why:

—I'm pretty good at beach volleyball.
—I give quality hugs.
—I am good at keeping secrets.
—I am slightly more ahead of the curve than Drake when it comes to knowing about good music, which means I can tell him what music to listen to in order to look cool.
—My compliment game is ridiculously on-point. See what a good compliment I just gave myself?
—Though I've never done it, I'm pretty sure I could convert a pineapple to a hookah if you asked me to.

Anyways, this song is sort of a remix to "Started from the Bottom," which is weird because Riff Raff has been swearing up and down that he was going to show up on the remix. But then again, the fun of Riff Raff is that he's completely full of shit so who knows. "No New Friends" is also a single from DJ Khaled's hilariously named Suffering from Success, which also features Rick Ross, Lil Wayne, and Future crooning on the outro. What's interesting is Future isn't actually credited on the official OVO Soundcloud page. Did Future come into Drake's life at a point too late to qualify as his friend, or does Drake just not type his own metadata into SoundCloud? Only those cloistered in the OVO Monastary (aka a blanket fort in Drake's basement) know the truth.

"Girls Love Beyoncé"

This song might be the most Drakian thing Drake has ever done. It features like one million of Drake's signature moves, including Drake mansplaining something, him referencing both his album title and No New Friends (effectively his first Post-Yolo neologism along with "Started from the Bottom" which is also referenced), him half-covering a classic song, and a sense of self-importance that feels both well-earned and completely superfluous given that the song isn't supposed to be about him.

The cover art for "Girls Love Beyoncé" is Beyoncé's face ran through the same kaleidoscope-y filter as that owl's face in "5A.M. in Toronto." The thing that immediately jumped out at me about this picture is this is very obviously Beyoncé's promo photo from her Super Bowl appearance with those black little Sports Player thingies that said "FEB 3 2013" photoshopped out. I'm assuming that Drake and Beyoncé at least know each other socially, so that necessitates the following questions:

1. Did Drake have Beyoncé's permission to alter and then use a probably-copyrighted picture of her to promote his music?
2. What does Beyoncé think of "Girls Love Beyoncé"?

I'm thinking that since Drake put the song out for free and is therefore not directly making money off of "Girls Love Beyoncé" that means legally, he can use whatever image he wants for the art, but since he and Beyoncé probably have a bunch of mutual friends I'm guessing he asked her—that's the polite thing to do and Drake is nothing if not polite. Meanwhile, I am assuming that Beyoncé thinks "Girls Love Beyoncé" is stupid, because Drake is mansplaining something that Beyoncé definitely already knew.

Drew Millard's favorite rapper is Drake. He's on Twitter - @drewmillard