69 Songs, Ranked

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Music

69 Songs, Ranked

Finally, a comprehensive ranking of 69 of the songs.

It’s that time of year again. Everyone’s talking about the songs and how they sound. So we thought we’d put this debate to rest once and for all by ranking 69 songs, right here, right now. What follows is Noisey’s official rankings of the songs, all 69 of ‘em. Now, your rankings might not align with ours, and you can feel free to let us know in the comments, but we consider this to be the definitive ranking of 69 songs. Enjoy!

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69. Phantom of the Opera theme

68. “Let Me Clear My Throat” — DJ Kool

67. "Brown Eyed Girl" — Van Morrison

66. “Mother” — Danzig

65. “Oye Como Va” — Santana

64. “Inside Out” — Eve 6

63. “Graduation (Friends Forever)” — Vitamin C

62. “I Cum Blood” — Cannibal Corpse

61. “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” — Green Day

60. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song

59. “Harry Asshole” — UGK

58. That one song that’s like “I wanna ROCK!!” (look it up later)

57. “Fat Lip” — Sum 41

56. Eminem’s Trump freestyle

55. “My Own Worst Enemy” — Lit

54. Canadian national anthem

53. Michael Scott with the steel drums singing “Feeling Hot Hot Hot”

52. “Bethlehemian Rhapsody” — Apologetix

51. When Sonic Youth covered The Simpsons theme song

50. “Chattahoochee” — Alan Jackson

49. “Semi Charmed Life” — Third Eye Blind

48. “Love Sosa” — Chief Keef

47. “Amazing Grace”

46. “Jolene” — Dolly Parton

45. “Walking in Memphis” — Marc Cohn

44. “Macarena” nightcore remix

43. First five seconds of the Stone Cold Steve Austin theme song when the glass breaks

42. “Don't Worry Be Happy" —Bobby McFerrin

41. “Pony” — Ginuwine

40. Any Dave Matthews song

39. “No Diggity” — Blackstreet

38. “Take Me Home Tonight” — Eddie Money

37. “The Thong Song” — Sisqo

36. “Jesus Freak” — DC Talk

35. “Toxic” — Britney Spears

34. Seinfeld theme bass cover

33. “Black or White” — Michael Jackson

32. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”

31. “Goop on Ya Grinch”

30. Portlandia theme — Washed Out

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29. Absolutely no Phish!

28. “Corporal Jigsore Quandary” — Carcass

27. Nirvana

26. “Hey Ya!” — Outkast

25. “Father of Mine” — Everclear

24. “Smell Yo Dick” — Riskay

23. Pure Moods CD commercial

22. “Wait (The Whisper Song)” — Ying Yang Twins

21. “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”

20. “Call of the Wintermoon” — Immortal

19. “What What in the Butt”

18. “Eat It” — “Weird Al” Yankovic

17. Game of Thrones theme song

16. “Hotline Bling” — Drake

15. “Dopesmoker” — Sleep

14. Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds menu music (original version)

13. “Bodak Yellow” — Cardi B

12. “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” — Frozen, OST

11. “Dayman” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

10. “Skinny Love” — Bon Iver

9. “Africa” — Toto

8. “Africa” — Weezer (when they get off their duffs and cover it already!)

7. “Truly Madly Deeply” — Savage Garden

6. The “dun dun…” from Law & Order

5. “Closing Time” — Semisonic

4. “Ace of Spades” — Motörhead

3. “The Hanukkah Song” — Adam Sandler

2. “Freak on a Leash” — KoЯn

1. “Return of the Mack” — Mark Morrison

Honorable Mentions:

“Margaritaville” — Jimmy Buffet
“Cheeseburger in Paradise” — Jimmy Buffet
“Why Don’t We Get Drunk” — Jimmy Buffet
“Boat Drinks” — Jimmy Buffet
“Pencil Thin Mustache” — Jimmy Buffet