Songs to Listen to As Your Eyes Are Fried by the Eclipse

Today marks the occasion of the only transcendent thing to occur in the world this year, besides a Lil B album and a Brand New album both coming out in the same week. A total solar eclipse will be visible across many parts of North America, inspiring excitement in some and dread in others. This is understandable, as solar eclipses used to be interpreted as omens of the end or whatever. This is horseshit. It's gonna be literally lit, so we at Noisey Canada have made a playlist of eclipse jams to accompany your viewing. Now, keep in mind that the eclipse is estimated to last about three minutes, which makes it impossible to listen to all of these songs during the event itself. Still, it's fun to imagine.

The obvious pick, but obvious because it's timeless. Just imagine screaming that gospel outro as you and your friends are consumed by the unfeeling darkness of space. Tubular, dude!

"I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky." Well, Mick, hopefully you're in the States to finally see your prophecy come true. Shouts to the Stones' "Moonlight Mile" as well, which unfortunately didn't make this list because it doesn't sound like despair.

Kelly Clarkson was hella goth back in the day. This song is not goth, but it is goth-adjacent, as Clarkson sings of accepting her shadowy hidden identity as a Sith Lord. Yes, Kelly Clarkson is a Jedi now.

Technically no light will be coming from the moon, since the lucky few who get to see the sun totally covered up will witness its outer ring of light as a corona. Still, this song is cause to reflect on the follies of modern rap as the cosmos bear witness to the one kid who'll still be blasting Lil Pump or whoever.

This is self self-explanatory.

The one band to ever be called just "The Darkness" and they're goofballs. Truly, you have to respect these guys for claiming the name every metal band would kill to have.

Warning: sunglasses are not adequate eclipse viewing apparatuses. Do not under any circumstance think you can use them. You have to look dorky to view this dorky event.

Despite their diurnal name, SDRE played an enormous part in codifying the famously nocturnal genre of emo. This is their darkest hour, and by darkest, I mean finest.

According to TIME and science experts, "viewing the sun with your naked eye during the eclipse can burn your retina, damaging the images your brain can view. This phenomenon, known as 'eclipse blindness,' can cause temporary or permanent vision impairment, and in worst-case scenarios can lead to legal blindness, which entails significant loss of vision. Symptoms generally begin occurring 12 hours after viewing the eclipse, when people wake up in the morning and notice their vision has been altered." There are no remedies for this. Be careful.

*spends several hours laughing at the idea of this world being perfect* Anyways, this would likely be the most chill choice to watch astral bodies eat each other.

Nier: Automata, the best video game narrative of 2017, takes place in a future where humanity is extinct after becoming clones or shadow monsters (it's a long story), leaving behind cool anime androids to fight an endless war against philosopher toy robots. What was I talking about? Oh right, the eclipse. This song is objectively beautiful, and legitimately makes a good soundtrack to this once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon because it's in the very lunar key of D-flat (Beethoven used it for Moonlight Sonata). I have no jokes. I can never joke about video game music.

Vin Diesel, in his near decade long run has accomplished many incredible feats for humanity. However, none will ever surpass the time in he out ran the sun at the beginning of the millennium in Pitch Black. So, as the sun goes down, let's honour Diesel's ultimate contribution to mammals.

From the dude who directed a film about sun-burdened vampires and the band who created the science peer-reviewed Black Holes and Revelations comes a critical mass in the form of song. A song for Twilight, Twilight: Eclipse, specifically. And truly, what's better than a track about a "love forever" as you face your untimely demise in the heart of darkness. By that we mean people because people are evil. Not the eclipse, which is pretty cool. Bonus points to this tune because Matt Bellamy plays a bit of "Clair de Lune" at the end, which is the second-best romantic classical piece about the moon next to this one.

Many things have been said about the dark side but not enough about the fundamental differences between Jedi and Sith lightsabers. Early Sith lightsabers are an improvement on the existing Protosabers commonly used by Jedi as they use an internal superconductor which better transfers looped energy into a powercell. The unique way of forging synthetic crystals is also what gives their lightsabers an aggressive crimson red colouration.

This is not here because of ancient understandings of solar eclipses as the work of Jesus returning to Earth or ill omens of Satanic doom. No, this song is here because the story of the Great American Solar Eclipse is that of FOMO on a galactic scale. Couldn't get out of work? Not in North America? Too bad buddy, you're gonna have to wait another century. Take Steven Tyler's advice. Don't close your eyes (unless you don't have protection from the retina-buring sunlight).

Jabbari Weekes is a noted follower of "The Rule of Two." He's on Twitter.
Phil just loves space shit. He's on Twitter.