A List of Bands You're Not Allowed to Like Anymore Since "Alternative" Became a Bad Word

Say goodbye to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and their hit song "Last Resort."

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Jan 27 2017, 6:50pm

"Alt" has been a super-useful descriptor for 90s teens and MTV programming (again, only in the 90s) so it's sad to see that the word has been co-opted by the "alt-right" white nationalist movement and the neologism "alternative facts," coined by Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway. These things are both extremely terrible, so we at Noisey have decreed that anyone who has ever been "alt" is heretofore bad as well. We realize that this includes many beloved artists and bands which have been categorized under the "alternative" umbrella because there's an alt for everything. This list will include not just alt-rock, but alt-country, alt-rap, alt-metal, alt-folk, and anything else that's ever been indie. Sorry, but them's the breaks. So, here's everyone on the blacklist so far.

Nirvana


Honestly, all the grunge bands, because they all sound like this.

Jane's Addiction

Perry Farrell coined the term "alternative nation" so we can include Porno for Pyros in here too.

Wilco


More like ashes of un-American flags.


Sleater-Kinney

Leave 'em in the woods.

Garbage

Name says it all.

Blur

Who told these Brits they could mock OUR grunge music?

The Roots

Have kept Jimmy Fallon afloat. Why.

Helmet

The original "alternative metal" band, so out ya go.

Radiohead

The machines already took over, guys. Too late.

Pixies

Did music for Objectivist manifesto Fight Club, responsible for self-serving bros everywhere.

Kid Cudi

Unclear message due to overuse of hums.

Bikini Kill

Riot grrl? Sounds unconstitutional.

Arcade Fire

Canadians are unaware of all things happening outside of Canada.

Queens of the Stone Age

Stone Age! Backwards! Definitely Republican.

Oasis

This band made "Wonderwall" AND "Bittersweet Symphony." Pick one ballad!

Gorillaz

Alternative rock and alternative rap. Double points on Scrabble.

Sufjan Stevens

A guy so nationalistic he made two albums about boring-ass states.

Stereolab

French? Not in OUR country.

Pavement

Crooked rain, crooked raaaaain. Man, RIP Prince.

Uncle Tupelo

Isn't this just Wilco before they were good? Still counts as another band.

Franz Ferdinand

Lots of Soviet-era influence in artwork. May be victims of Russian hacks.

Broken Social Scene

See above on Canadians. Also, too many band members! They'll take our jobs.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

I love "Smooth Criminal."

Nine Inch Nails

Imperial measurements, tsk tsk.

Anything we premiere on this website

Because we ourselves are alternative, apparently.

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