Solos suck. There’s an army of banger dads, burnouts and Yngwie Malmsteen fans (shudder) that’ll argue with me here, but nine times out of 10 when I see someone whip out their wang to rip a blizzard of notes it makes me want to pull a van Gogh and slice my ear off—jazz, krautrock, and Prince not included. I love classic rock, but “Eruption” is bullshit. Same thing for drummers—“Moby Dick” is the worst. And the only people I can think of who made solos seem cool in 2012 were Dustin Wong and Zach from Lantern, and that’s because they actually shred.There’s a whole YouTube meme devoted to the topic, but I’d rather focus on the anti-solos of the world. In the place of G3-style douchebag virtuosity, I love when artists realize the inherent silliness of the solo and insert an atonal freak-out or one-note drill-to-the-forehead in its place. Dig.1. Buzzcocks – “Boredom”The anti-solo to beat ‘em all. These cheeky Brits hit the shelves with a bang on their debut EP, highlighted by a three-minute quickie about dissatisfaction with the status quo and being bored by punk rock itself. According to producer Martin Hannett, the guitar solo is two notes repeated 66 times, ending with a single modulated seventh. If that description sounds like gibberish, just listen to the song and bash your head through a wall. (solo at 1:23)2. The Sonics – “Have Love, Will Travel”Before those lamewads in the Black Keys got their hands on this classic, The motherfucking Sonics tore into it with primitive intensity and the best saxophone freak-out since Ornette Coleman. His 20 seconds here alone should make Rob Lind a national treasure. (Solo at 1:02)3. Roxy Music – “Editions of You”Back when Brian Eno was still a Roxy Music member and dressing like a glam rock peacock from outer space, he really let his freak flag fly on this little number. The rest of the solos are relatively straight, but when it’s Eno’s turn to bleep out squiggled electronics from his modular whatzit machine, it sounds like that scene in Star Wars where C3PO gets stuck to some wires in the Millennium Falcon and loses his shit or whatever. (Solo at 1:25)4. David Bowie – “Aladdin Sane”The title track of Bowie’s ’73 “Ziggy goes to America” album has always been a personal fave. It’s a nice enough melody in itself, but what really seals the deal is the twisted nursery rhyme, lounge-lizard-on-quaalludes noodling of pianist Mike Garson, which stretches on for far longer than you might expect. As legend has it, this passage was improvised and recorded in a single take. Otherworldy stuff. (Solo at 2:02)5. DNA – “Blonde Red Head”No Wave is essentially one big anti-solo, but this song and band should be singled out for perfecting the form. DNA’s bug-eyed leader Arto Lindsay is the greatest axe-wielder of the original No New York era and few things sound less traditional than his razor wire six-string scrapes and howled ululations. Anonymous YouTube commenters have it right: “fucking the best shit.” (This whole song is basically a fucked-up improv)6. Richard Hell and the Voidoids – “Blank Generation”Robert Quine should have his face on U.S. currency. (Best solo at 1:20)7. U.S. Maple – “State is Bad”Same with Todd Rittmann. (Again, this whole song is sort of fucked)8. The Primitives – “The Ostrich”Even before he joined the Velvets, Lou Reed was stirring the pot. This 1964 parody of novelty dance singles like “The Funky Chicken” (with lyrics about stepping on your partner’s head) not only introduces Lou’s signature guitar tuning with all the strings at D, but also includes a nice little one-note jammer that set the stage for all kinds of hijinks to come. Do the Ostrich!@wipeoutbeatDon't agree? A few days after this post went live, Zach Fairbrother from Lantern took Jesse to task with a scathing counterpoint about how guitar solos are god's gift to mankind, and how the MC5's guitar work "is the mimetic phallus that connects us all to the ancient totem." You can read it here.
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