Skaters' Guide to Touring England

Skaters plus their new pal, Mrs. Liu.

Skaters recently returned from touring England where the New York-based trio played 24 dates, in 28 days and miraculously, they didn’t kill each other. In fact, they had a good time—questionable food and sperm-sprayed accommodation excepting. Their song “I Wanna Dance But I Don’t Know How” actually ended up soundtracking a scene in long-running soap opera and British institution, Eastenders. This is a big deal. We’re happy for them! We’ve been a little obsessed with Michael, Noah, and Josh (plus Dan and Tommy on tour), since they released their debut EP, Schemers, last year. It’s catchy as hell, bristling with garage rock grit, jittery guitars, and coolly confident vocals. Fast-forward a year later and they've just polished off their debut album with producer John Hill (Santigold, Shakira, Wavves). It's not out for a while, but you can hear it when Skaters headline the Bowery Ballroom, with The Denzels and Drowners in support, this Friday, July 19. Get ticks here. Noisey met up with Skaters frontman Michael to find out how they dealt with life on the road.

Nice beret Nile. SOMETIMES IT’S OKAY TO BE A FANBOY
We were in Heathrow waiting for our plane back to NY when we saw Nile Rodgers. We stood around talking, wondering if it was him. So then we asked him for a selfie. I haven’t done that since I was a little kid. It was very fanboy-ish. He was sweet as could be. He wasn’t an asshole like, “Get the fuck outta here kid!” What’s my favorite Nile Rodgers song? It must be “Get Lucky”—I just haven’t heard it enough! No one can play like Nile Rodgers.

DON’T PLAY BASKETBALL BEFORE YOU GO ON TOUR
Our drummer Noah sprained his ankle playing basketball right before he left and I didn’t know till we got in the car that morning. Everywhere we went in the airport in New York and London he had special assistance and was wheeled around. Luckily it was his left foot and he doesn’t use the high-hat as aggressively as the kick. He toughed it out.

AVOID TRAVELODGES AT ALL COSTS
They’re just covered in cum. It’s everywhere! There’s stains on everything. Bands stay there because they’ll often let you do three or four to a room, but they have these couches… You know when you were a kid and you had a rich friend who had a playroom and they had some shitty foldout couch you could sleep on? That’s what this is like, except it’s covered in semen. Were the sheets on the bed covered in it too? I didn’t have a black light so I can’t say for sure, but the couches were blue and there were a lot of white stains on them. I remember after the second night I felt like I was sick, like in my face! Like I’d been breathing in dust and mold and cum. Like my mucus was 50% jizz. Don’t stay at Travelodges.

NO JOKE IS TOO STUPID
That’s pretty much the only rule for staying sane on the road. You just have to regress. This is tiny Josh, you get in the bunk and make a tiny person of yourself. It’s kids stuff really—it’s funny for kids and adults.

Noah found Tom Cruise when we played Glasgow. We put Tom Cruise in a selection of situations. “Ah. It’s a good day to be Tom Cruise.” I’m a fan of his ridiculousness.

GET UP EARLY IF YOU WANT TO EAT
I missed pizza when I was in the UK. Pizza Express is actually pretty good though. I never went to Pizza Hot because it was never open, like most things in England. Everyone always looked at me like I was crazy when I wanted to do anything after 5pm. Like, “Dude, it’s 5.30pm. That’s not going to be open.” With the hours you keep in New York you’d die of starvation in England. You’d wake up and wanna eat a meal and there will be like 30 minutes before everything is closed and you have to eat eggs and beans again. Fish and chips are good, the Indian food was excellent, and I like clotted cream and scones. I recommend buying hot sauce and putting it on everything. Also eat at Marks & Spencer. Not only can you get a nice blouse, but also a delicious dinner for only £5. But I wouldn’t recommend spotted dick.

Josh is from Hull. He used to be in band called The Paddingtons.

HAVE A BAND MEMBER WHO’S FROM ENGLAND
Josh’s sister was our tour manager, we stayed at his parent’s house a lot, and they cooked us beans on toast all the time. Branston Baked Beans are better than Heinz, by the way. Josh is from Hull originally and our first show was there and it was totally sold out because of him. It definitely helped get the ball rolling.

Clockwise: Josh, Ross from The Cribs, and Noah.

TAKE IN SOME LOCAL SIGHTS
This is Wakefield’s local “star walk.” There are about 50 stars, but The Cribs are the only living people on the Wakefield walk of fame. We always go visit it when we’re there.

AVOID THE LOCAL HEADLINES
This was just on the street and this was the top story that day. They’re outside stores in all the towns and they’re all mad depressing. England doesn’t need any more reason to be depressed: it’s not sunny and you put out signs outside your store saying: “Man Stabbed His Own Son to Death.” It kinda gives people ideas you know? It’s terrible.

OBSERVE LOCAL TRADITIONS
This was a gypsy wedding in Leeds. It was across from the club we were playing. I only learned about this stuff when I saw the British show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and then I saw one for myself! They had a stretch Bentley and it was the tackiest thing I’d ever seen. I’d definitely make out with one the bridesmaids. That one with the hair and the bling, for instance.

ALWAYS PARTY WITH YOUR FANS
UK fans are generally the sickest party animals on earth. Like us, they still believe in rock and roll and they're not afraid to interact. Here are some Stockton kids going crazy. They were excited that we were from New York. They helped themselves to the seats in our van and ate our snacks. One girl was like, “Have you heard of The Strokes? My friend is in a Strokes cover band.” He plays Nick Valensi [on the right] and they were called Different Strokes! So I took a pic and sent it to the real Valensi. God bless their little drunk souls.

HAVE A CATCHPHRASE
It was just this thing we started saying. Our bass player Dan believes in PMA—positive mental attitude. He’s the chillest guy in the world and he got us all thinking on that level. The little shit that stresses you out in bands, it’s easy to lose perspective. At the end of the day, make it work, don’t be a bitch, no problem.

Kim wears her "No Problem" hat everywhere. She's on Twitter - @theKTB.