Drake Vs. Wayne Vs. Noisey
Like bicycle wheels, peas in a pod, and chainz, the best things in life generally come in two. This summer, we’re learning that the same holds true for superstar rap performances, as Drake AND Lil’ Wayne have embarked on a national tour where they each perform half a concert in a Capcom-branded battle, complete with a downloadable app that allows you to decide who starts the show and “wins” the night, all in exchange for all of the private information stored on your phone (probably). Even if you’re a fan of both rappers, by buying a ticket to the show and downloading the app, you’ve now put yourself in a position where you must choose a rapper that you’ll crown as being “better”: Drake or Lil’ Wayne.
This question is a causality dilemma in the same way as the question of ‘what came first, the chicken or the egg?’ Obviously, Drake would not exist in this upper echelon of rap without the aid of a superstar mentor. However, Wayne’s position at the top of the rap game post-Tha Carter III was largely assisted by Drake’s alleged ghostwriting help. Deeming a single winner in an empirical fashion is impossible, so the only way you can accurately judge who is “better” is on a case-by-case basis. That’s why the Noisey team has compiled a list of every song that both Lil’ Wayne and Drake have ever appeared on together, and have provided their chosen winner in each instance."Miss Me"
Slava: Drake wins this one off the strength of making his own name a punchline with the “do right and kill everything” line. How many of you can lay claim to doing this, successfully? The closest I’ve ever got was “Soup ladles are very apparent”
Eric: This was back when Drake was a better rapper if you didn’t know what he looked like, so I’m going to give this one to Lil Wayne.
Drew: The secret winner of this one is Gunplay.
Kyle: Definitely Wayne. Are you kidding? This is like the last verse from Lil Wayne's pre-prison golden era, and it's actually one of my favourites of his. There are so many classic lines: "I walk light so I don't piss the ground off," "turn you to a vegetable like you're lyin' in soup," "when she masturbate to me that's how she learn every song," "not that thuggish, not that ruggish, but I do pack bone," "man I swear my bitches do it 'til they suck the brown off/Ugggh, that's nasty, yes I am Weezy but I ain't asthmatic." That "uggh" alone is why Wayne is the best rapper ever. And then of course there's what I consider to be maybe the best sex boast in any rap song ever: "make 'em run and tell they friends, like a marathon." DUDE. HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE WHO HAS RUN A MARATHON AND NOT TALKED YOUR EAR OFF ABOUT IT? Sorry, that line is a masterpiece. You know the part when Wayne raps "got so many styles, I am a group"? And then the part when he proves it on. this. verse? Form equals content, my friends.
Slava: Wayne wins because he packs his verses full of Wayne-isms like “I tried to pay attention but attention paid me” which is so fake-deep, you swear it actually has meaning.
Eric: Okay so even though this song is basically classic Wayne line after Wayne line after Wayne line, I’m giving this one to Drake because the hook has been in my head since the first day I heard it.
Drew: Drake’s hook is perfect, because I like to imagine him with slicked-back hair in the club whispering it to girls.
Kyle: Every time someone mentions the neighbourhood Hell's Kitchen, which is a neighbourhood in New York, I think of Wayne's line "I'm in Hell's Kitchen with an apron and a hair net." But I think Drake wins this because every time I listen to it the hook has me so amped for Drake's verse that never comes. Seriously, the first four or five times I heard this on the radio, I was sure I had missed part of the song because Drake never came in to rap.
Slava: Drake shouts out the Group of Seven, which is the closest thing Canada has to art history, so he wins.
Eric: “My song is your girl’s ringer, heh, alarm, whatever” is a GOAT line and this was the first time I realised that Drake is actually capable of spitting extremely hard.
Drew: “I’m a cheesehead / word to Vince Lombardi,” shouts out to AutoTune Lil Wayne in “Swagger Like Us” outtake mode.
Kyle: I love that Drake shouts out the Cool Kids in this song, and any time I set my alarm I think about his line "my song is your girl's waking up ringer, or alarm or whatever." But come on, this song is responsible for like half the stereotypes of Drake as a lame rapper! "Burn bread everyday boy, no toaster"? I have to give to Wayne just off the line "I'm so high I could vomit on a comet."
Slava: Wayne’s verse is super clever and everything, but the real winner here is obviously Trey Songz (a sentence I will likely never write again)
Eric: Fuck you Slava, Trey Songz is awesome and he just stole your girl, which is why he wins.
Drew: I remember HAAAAAAATING this song when it first came out, but what I was actually hating was myself. Drake wins, don’t ask why.
Kyle: A lot of people say Drake's lyrics are totally self-absorbed, but I love this description of meeting his mom in the driveway: "She cried to me, so I cried too/And my stomach was soaking wet, she's only five-two." Anybody who was shocked by how 'groundbreaking' Take Care was clearly never listened to this song. I do like the Wayne line "so high I got birds in the condo" though.
Slava: Tough call, but I’d have to deem Drake the winner because he doesn’t end up rapping the alphabet.
Eric: I genuinely forgot this song exists. I’m gonna say Wayne wins though because this is one of those Drake verses where you can tell he’s trying super, super hard to be tough as shit but he ultimately just sounds like a goober.
Drew: Honestly kinda surprised Drake 1.0 ever got famous, like early Drake in “Hey I’m just gonna rap a buncha shit for a really long time” mode was mad boring. Meanwhile, every Lil Wayne line here is fire, even the alphabet one.
Kyle: God, Drake used to be so lame. Whereas Wayne's alphabet thing is kind of great when you consider his point. I remember being blown away by the idea that you could do that on a song, but then again I'm pretty sure that was also around the time that I figured Papoose was dope.
Slava: Lil Wayne threatens to kidnap Beyonce from Jay Z so he wins everything.
Eric: “This is Wayne’s World, and y’all are just some tourists / Give me three wishes, I wish, I wish, I wish, you would bitch” is enough said about this song.
Drew: Lil Wayne ended his album by rapping, “POTATO ON THE BARREL / POTATO SALAD!” so he wins.
Kyle: "It's better to give, but we don't give a fuck about 'em" is a mantra to live by. Wayne for sure.
Slava: Being almost perfect is better than being far from perfect, so Wayne wins.
Eric: Man this song sucks. We all lose this one.
Drew: R.I.P. to the era when dudes were rapping over electro-blog/blog-house hits every ten minutes. Drake sounds like he knows what he’s doing here, while Lil Wayne raps as if he thinks “Santogold” is a strand of weed that Gudda Gudda just picked up for him.
Kyle: To Drake's credit, one of the reasons I loved him at first was that I was sure he was the rapper to bridge the indie chasm, but god I hate this sample. I've skipped past this song every time it's come on in the last five years, but I guess Wayne for the part where he sings about his condos.
Slava: Wayne’s syncopation on this song is the benchmark to which I compare all Wayne verses, so he wins.
Eric: Wayne wins this because he sounds like a robot from the future.
Drew: Despite whatever Rap Word™ Slava just used, Drake referenced Cobrasnake and one time in college my friend Kane got a job at Urban Outfitters by telling them he read Cobrasnake, which is a website that neither Kane nor I still know nothing about.
Kyle: I just checked moneyoverbitches.com, and it is not a real website. I think DJ Drama wins for the drop "I want you to remember that this is the first mixtape you bumped while you had a black president." But Wayne kills this, too.
Slava: Last name ever, first name Drake. Drake Ever. Drake wins.
Eric: Drake wins this because of that Sprite commercial where his skin pops off in this weird robotic way and then he takes a drink of a Sprite and suddenly he has skin again. It’s very confusing.
Drew: I remember Dallas Penn wrote this really long blog post when this song came out arguing that you could measure who had the best verse in a rap song by who has the most average syllables per word in their verse and used this as justification as to why Eminem had the best verse on the song and even though Dallas Penn is dope that’s super wrong because Lil Wayne had the best verse on this song.
Kyle: I like the line about doing it without an album, but "My foot's sleeping on the gas/no brake pads no such thing as last" gets me so amped. Wayne all the way. Side note that this is definitely one of the worst Kanye verses :(
Slava: Wayne recorded his verse FROM JAIL, this isn’t even a question.
Eric: What Slava said.
Drew: I can’t remember the Wayne verse at all and only remember Jay’s verse for being embarrassing, so Drake I guess?
Kyle: Okay, I've always had an issue with the part where Jay says "triple entendre don't even ask me how" about a line that is not even a double entendre but rather just a bad rhyme. But on the subject at hand, I think Drake's line about making the music that his friends party to is one of the signature Drake lines, so Drake wins.
Slava: Two very strong verses here, but The Boy delivers his in a breathless cadence so point goes to Drake. Also why is gonorrhoea so easy to catch but so hard to spell?
Eric: Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer works a job in which he and his friend Mickey act out various diseases for medical students, and Kramer gets gonorrhoea so, in front of a bunch of future doctors, he sits down on the bench in an exam room, turns down the lights, lights a cigarette, and tells a story of love lost? Kramer wins this one.
Drew: Like, if we’re being honest, who’s had gonorrhoea more times between Drake and Lil Wayne? Probably Drake, because a girl one of my coworkers went to high school with apparently sucked Lil Wayne’s dick and nothing bad happened to her and then my coworker made a video about that. This is a longwinded way of saying I vote Lil Wayne.
Kyle: I remember listening to this song exactly once before this and being very disappointed and kind of grossed out. But I'm leaning Drake just because Wayne's hook is disgusting.
Slava: Wayne wins because a love song from Wayne is raunchy to the point of pristine. See: “when I came, she caught me like the common cold”
Eric: Man, it’s so dope when Wayne just goes full on Drake mode and just raps hard about being in love. Wayne wins this song, but the true winner is love.
Drew: Yeah there’s really no question about Wayne’s supremacy here.
Kyle: This is one of my favourite Wayne hooks! Only Lil Wayne could make the phrase "tonight it's moonlight and candles and shit" sound incredibly romantic. I remember wishing I had a girlfriend when this song came out just so I could play that line for her.
Slava: Wayne wins because he didn’t go on Tim Westwood’s show and flub his verse for this song as a “freestyle.”
Eric: Drake says a line about Bollywood and Slumdog Millionaire and it doesn’t really age well so I’m just going to give it to Wayne.
Drew: Going back to all of the songs Wayne and Drake did together kind of freaks me out honestly. Like, this is the stuff I used to think was dope? Did the music change or did I? Or am I just having a shitty afternoon? Do I even like rap? Anyways, Drake wins in a walk for me.
Kyle: This is, I guess, the crown jewel of a Wayne and Drake era that I pretty much ignored while it was happening, mostly from the trauma of realising that Wayne was falling off. I'll hand this one to Drake for the Hollywood/Hollygrove/Hollywood lines.
Slava: Drake wins, because he made this into a Drake song, robbing DJ Khaled of the credit he so obviously deserves.
Eric: Drake wins because this was the first Drake song that I belligerently yelled like an idiot for like three months whenever I’d be drunk, which is something I now do with pretty much every single new Drake song.
Drew: DJ Khaled has the best verse here, because his verse consists of a single shot of him forlornly sipping a Four Loko on a balcony.
Kyle: I agree with Drew, but if I have to choose Drake or Wayne, it has to be Drake because no one remembers that this isn't a Drake song, and that part where he says the throne is for the taking really did feel like a major shot and a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Slava: Drake probably wrote both his and Wayne’s verse for this, so he wins.
Eric: Cocaine wins.
Drew: Drake wins for introducing the indelible phrase “24-hour champagne diet,” thereby giving heaps of college students a new, creative way to give themselves alcohol poisoning.
Kyle: Birdman always wins by default. That said, I'm going to give it to Wayne purely because it drove me nuts hearing Drake rap the Rufio line on the radio for like a year and half straight.
Slava: Drake wins because he got the verse and the hook, both of which are fire flames.
Eric: Drake wins this despite choosing to wear one of those puffy vest things made for attending high school football games in the midwest in the music video.
Drew: “The peace sign is just a dick and a middle finger” is the line of the song. Advantage: Weezy F Baby, and the F is for a lot of shit.
Kyle: I think the rule is if you start your verse with the phrase "all hail Mr. Lyrical" your lyrics become irrelevant due to corniness. Sorry Drake. Wayne wins, with bonus points for the line "it's Young Money like Ben Frank's baby pictures."
Slava: Wayne wins, but only because Drake doesn’t instruct anyone to put the pussy on his eyebrows.
Eric: Sex wins.
Drew: Nicki Minaj wins.
Kyle: Gudda Gudda wins, duh. But Drake gets second because even if he doesn't have a grocery bag, he does have your girl.
Slava: Wayne mentions cherry a bunch of times, and I love cherries, so Wayne wins.
Eric: Wayne goes so hard I can’t even think of a way to appropriately compliment him, so I guess that means he wins.
Drew: Nicki Minaj wins.
Kyle: Just a reminder that Nicki Minaj has been the best rapper in the world since 2010, but, yeah this is Wayne on his peak flow and Drake on his peak corny flow. Wayne wins.
Slava: Kidd Kidd wins.
Eric: “Take a dookie,” says Kidd Kidd. He wins.
Drew: Nicki Minaj wins.
Kyle: I had no idea this song existed, but Drake loses because this hook still sucks and I like the way Wayne says the words "two-tone" and "too grown." Also the "forever like e-t-c period" line is dope.
Slava: Drake sings the shit out of this so he wins.
Eric: I’ve never heard this song. Does that mean I lose my music blogging licence? Anyway, I’m gonna say that Lil Wayne wins this because Drake has no confidence on this and sounds like he’s asking a girl’s permission to whisper in her ear, versus just doing it. Weezy, on the other hand, sounds like a robot from the future that’s run out of breath, which is when Weezy is at his best.
Drew: Kidd Kidd wins.
Kyle: I love weird Auto-Tune Wayne. Wayne in this mode is some of the best and most influential music of the last decade. We like literally wouldn't have Young Thug without this version of Wayne. Anyway, I believe Wayne like 110 percent when he warbles about taking my girl. Wayne wins.
Slava: Drake wins for making me look up YouTube videos of bridges wobbling during earthquakes.
Eric: Drake. He sounds like an excited teenager who just won his first fist fight.
Drew: Drake in a cakewalk / a Drakewalk.
Kyle: I think this was the first song where I realized Drake could be on Wayne's level. Extra points for "21 years and I ain't never met a good cop," which might have also been Drake's hardest line to this point, thus proving his point. Drake definitely wins.
Slava: Drake wins but we all lose because this never got the hype it deserved.
Eric: Kanye wins. Fuck you, Slava.
Drew: I think the correct ranking of verses on this is Drake>Wayne>Rihanna>Kanye’s verse on the original>Every rapper who recorded an unofficial remix to this song>Big Sean.
Kyle: Wayne singing "Weezy home, our n—a out of jail" like he's singing Auto-Tuned from the bottom of a pool pretty much made me cry when this song came out, and it still does. Drake sounds awesome here, but he doesn't have the post-jail Wayne triumph, and he's no Fergie.
Slava: Wayne’s verse on this was so good, they didn’t include it on the original version, so he wins.
Eric: T-Pain won when he made this song a decade earlier.
Drew: DJ Khaled’s verse wins, even though DJ Khaled’s verse is just the intro to this video.
Kyle:DJ Khaled wins. All he does is win. Did you see him jump out the window in the video? You know what's a way better DJ Khaled song, though? "We Takin' Over," where Wayne says "I stay on track like a box of Pumas." Wayne still wins here for his line about being higher than the Enterprise, though.
Slava: Wayne has the best verse of anyone on this song, and it has every member of Young Money going incredibly hard. Even Tyga.
Eric: This song sounds like a panic attack. There’s too much happening and every fucking verse sounds the same. So on that note, Nicki Minaj wins because she’s Nicki Minaj.
Drew: Gudda Gudda wins.
Kyle: I'm not sure Drake knows the rules to Tetris. Wayne wins for his tippytoe line.
Slava: Drake’s cadence in this is the best thing about this song, so he wins.
Eric: I zoned out and ended up reading a Complex link while listening to this song so I guess no one wins.
Drew: Lil Wayne really eats Drake’s lunch here, I dunno what Slava’s talking about.
Kyle: Yeah, this isn't even close. Wayne all the way, partly because I'd way rather ride in his Maybach with a recliner than Drake's Bentley with tinted windows. That's not even a unique feature!
Slava: Drake carries this song and makes fun of himself for the Mariah Carey punchline.
Eric: Wayne has so much confidence on this song it sounds like he just killed a Lannister and is rapping from the Iron Throne. He wins.
Drew: Don’t Let Drake Trick You Into Liking Him (Lil Wayne wins).
Kyle: Even Drake is making fun of himself, and this is him rapping before he was good. Just hearing Wayne's voice is a relief.
Slava: This whole song is pretty boring, nobody deserves to win this round. Maybe Andre 3000.
Eric: I love this song. Take Care is my favourite Drake album—and I was even in a happy and content relationship when it came out—because I think Drake delivers the most complete version of himself and his art. He can turn up into space on “Lord Knows” or “Headlines” but can get super fucking real in a way that’s somehow charming and not lame on songs like “Look What You’ve Done,” “Marvin’s Room,” and this one, “The Real Her.” He also helps bring out the best in his features, so this is just a long way of saying that everything Slava said was wrong except for the fact that Andre 3000 wins this round.
Drew: I actually like this song a lot? I dunno, Take Care came into my life when I was going through a pretty intense breakup and I listened to it pretty much nonstop for like four months, so I’m biased towards Drake.
Kyle: Yeah, this is Drake Drakin' hard, and when Drake gets to Drakin', you have to let him Drake. Wayne is kind of forgettable. Andre's verse is dope, though.
Slava: Wayne wins this one because he wore a panda ski mask in the video.
Eric: Drake wins because of his first verse and specifically, “All my exes live in Texas like I’m George Strait.”
Drew: Drake wins because he raps with giddyup here, word to Cosmo Kramer.
Kyle: Drake's flow! His sushi sexscapade! This: "I learned working with the negatives could make for better pictures/I learned Hennessy and enemies is one hell of a mixture"! Drake for sure.
Slava: Wayne’s verse in this birthed “suck a dick for some Trukfit” so yeah, he pretty clearly wins this round.
Eric: “I’M ABOUT BEING SINGLE, SEEING DOUBLE, MAKING TRIPLE.” How the fuck could Drake not be the obvious winner here?
Drew: Fun fact: Slava actually owns some Trukfit. Make of that what you will. [Slava’s note: I actually got it from Drew, so make of THAT what you will]
Kyle: On the other hand, Wayne also says "pop that pussy like a zit," which is such a gross line he's disqualified. Drake, on the other hand, raps about his friend's three three-year-old kids, which is a super clever line. Drake all the way.
Slava: Drake wins because he mentions the Scarborough Bluffs, case closed.
Eric: I don’t know what that is, Slava. Regardless, even though Drake fucking murders this song, this is the best Wayne has sounded since Tha Carter III so I’m giving it to him.
Drew: This is basically a Drake song featuring Lil Wayne. Like, he’s barely there. Drake.
Kyle: I don't know why everyone is so down on Wayne on this song! Wayne is back! Wayne raps "I'll fire this nina like it's her first day on the job and the bitch overslept." Every line of his is quotable, while Drake's best line, about doing One Direction numbers, doesn't even rhyme.
Slava: Drake “came up” with YOLO on this song, so he wins.
Eric: This song was the spawn of it being socially acceptable for me to use acronyms in day to day conversation, so bottom line, Drake wins. IDGAF.
Drew: Mac Dre’s mom wins.
Kyle: YOLO just got added to the dictionary. Drake kills this song, and Wayne just quotes Sir Mix -a-Lot.
Slava: Unlike "Believe Me" at least this sounds like a Lil Wayne song, so I guess he wins this round?
Eric: Weezy wins. Enough of this shit though, can we fucking hear the Carter V already?
Drew: Gave em the look, the chorus, and even the hook, that's why this song sound like Young Thug featurin' Drake. Advantage: Drake.
Kyle: I am already on the record absurdly loving Auto-Tune Wayne, so while this is both of them at their peaks, I'm going to hand it to Wayne. I am so happy Wayne is back to what he does best.
LIL WAYNE WINS!!!
@SlavaP's favourite Drake verse is this one, and his favourite Wayne verse is this one
@EricSundy's favorite Drake verse is this one, and his favorite Wayne verse is this one
@DrewMillard's favorite Drake verse is this one, and his favorite Wayne verse is this one
@KyleKramer's favorite Drake verse is this one, and his favorite Wayne verse is this one