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Music

Lady Gaga's Hairvolution

Is that you young Ralph Macchio? No dude, it's Gaga. Is that you, Madonna? No dude, it's Gaga. Is that a flying saucer on your head? No dude… oh yeah actually it is. Here's the story of Gaga's hair.

IDK. Normal glasses are just so done.

Have you all heard about this little known singer named Lady Gaga? Oh, you have? Damn I thought I was onto something there. Indie cred out, I guess. Anyway, you may have heard Gaga's hits like “Just Dance,” “Telephone,” or “Born This Way,” on any and every popular American radio station in the past six years. But what’s an insanely talented acoustic songwriter turned go-go dancer turned hit-song extraordinaire without her weird wardrobe and penchant for changing hair colors every three minutes? The answer is: nothing. Okay maybe she’s something without all the glitter and glam, but please, let's stop poring over her wardrobe and talk about Lady Gaga’s hair.

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You can read colors to figure out a person’s aura the same way you might read Lady Gaga’s tresses to figure out her vibes. Ghostly dominatrix: platinum bowl cut. High fashion wannabe: gray mermaid hair. Award winner: dude hair. See! For every Gaga phase there is a hairstyle and for this we thank her. As you read this she’s probably shaving a peace sign into the back of her pretty brunette head. When you’re done, call up your girlfriends and fight over which Gaga phase is the best. It’s fun, I swear, until someone says her “Dope” character and all is silent. Behold, a not entirely definitive guide to the many, many versions of the great Lady Gaga.

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“BB Stefani” Gaga
Well would you look at this baby brunette? Shocker: Lady Gaga is not Gaga’s real name! Before she was a powerhouse popstar, our girl Gaga was a fresh-faced Stefani Germanotta. Her story reads like a stock character from Fame in that she dropped out of NYU to pursue her music dreams, worked the underbelly of the NYC coffeehouse circuit, and then ended up meeting Lady Starlight, forming a go-go-dance glam-rock duo. The spandex leotards that were her 07 uniform and disco-ball bra (ah, Margiela foreshadowing!) hint at Germanotta’s flair for weird costumes, but her hair was still super plain. Girl, you are so much more than that twee-ass haircut.

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“The Fame” Gaga
But Gaga knew that, duh. So, what do you do when you change your name to fierce new moniker and your debut pop album, The Fame, becomes a seemingly overnight sensation? You change your hair! The soft brunette tresses morphed into the stick-straight, blunt-fringed, bleach-blonde hairdo. It’s 2008, and Gaga has arrived.

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In addition to her blindingly bright new ’do, Gaga really shows everybody how to just work hair in general. Did you know you can add things to your hair to make it cooler? Well I guess we all knew that, but somehow Gaga discovered a hair accessory potential beyond my personal comprehension. Case in point: the hair bow. Back in the day your mom put bows in your hair and they were lame. Gaga is a bow-revisionist. I don’t care who you are—you need a hair bow. Who, what, where, and why, are the questions the hair bow poses to me and I can only answer with: Yes. DIY one by chopping off someone elses’s hair that matches yours. Actually that might be bad—just buy one. Claire’s Accessories will sort you out. Sidenote: what’s up with the hat that’s basically a hair disc? Is it a personal flying saucer, or a next-level beret? You be the judge.

Beyond the head-scratching hair-made accessories are Gaga-established trends like origami shapes that matched like-minded ensembles and this Grace Jones-wannabe head scarf thing. Maybe she’s just covering her locks and protecting them from the wind while she drives around in the convertible that is the superstar life. Or, maybe I’m just bad at metaphors.

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“Pink 'n’ Purple” Gaga
But you didn’t think Gaga was content with just being some blonde, right? Barbie hair as is too square for Gaga’s taste, so she gave her fans a snapshot of her future chameleon ways by going through a pink and purple phase. With the locks of a unicorn-obsessed Tumblr girl, Gaga’s clearly in tune with the hair chalk trend that was birthed from the underbelly of the Coachella beach babe scene. But what seems like subtle My Little Pony cosplay for Gaga is really the start of her letting people know she’s going to make a very lucrative living from her image. From here on out, Gaga’s hair changes on the daily, and she switches up colors and styles in tune with the art direction of her music videos and pop songs.

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“The Fame Monster” Gaga
With the release of her 2009 EP, The Fame Monster, Gaga reverts goes back to her old lover—bleach—but instead of the heavily flat-ironed middle-schooler steez, she goes for an 80s-esque blunt shag. In “Alejandro,” she’s rocking a bowl cut. Somehow this classically dorky haircut works with her pale, S&M-inspired harness lingerie and Gaga proves she’s edgier than the public may think. Suddenly she’s gone from “Just dance doo doo doo” to “Kay let’s whip this dude tied to a bed.” Ah right, Gaga. We see you.

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“Telephone Girl” Gaga
Because Gaga’s a bottle-blonde pop star with a flare for public underwear, she’s always been in the shadow of Our Lady Madonna. Though trying to compare her to Madonna is another essay in itself, the two ladies have one thing down: reinvention. One minute Gaga’s a hyper-gothic dominatrix and the next she’s a comic book action figure. In “Telephone,” Gaga’s made up to be a Lichtenstein-styled Barbie girl, while her ever-changing headgear in the video elevates her bouncy 50s corn yellow bob to a futuristic level. And can we PLEASE talk about the coke can hair-curlers? Oh, sorry, Diet Coke. Never have my lunch recyclables looked so aesthetically pleasing. Gosh, there’s so much potential in trash, isn’t there? Gaga teaches us the beauty of changing up your look and sticking random things in your hair for #fashion.

Special shout out to Noisey Style’s buddy Fred Butler who created that origami telephone hat. Fred, you accessories visionary, you!

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“Grey-Haired Fashion Goddess” Gaga
Gaga can play the tough girl in heavy eyeliner with Coke cans (ugh, I can’t get over the Coke cans) wrapped up in her tresses, but she’s also, ya know, a lady. A lady who knows her fashion. As Gaga moves through her career, she cycles through an unparalleled designer wardrobe tailor-made for her specific brand of pop cray. From Margiela bubble bodysuits on the cover of Rolling Stone to the Herve Leger unitards, 2010 sees Gaga inching further and further into the fashion galaxy. Her regal Alexander McQueen gown at the 2010 VMAs was an homage to the late designer and in the same year, and she’s front and center for Vanity Fair’s style issue, suggesting that, yes, she has officially moved into STYLE ICON territory.

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She’s A Raiiiinbow Gaga
I know, I know, you’re thinking: how are these all of the same woman? From a Louise Brooks-referencing bubblegum pink bob to the cotton candy green beehive bun (nice cat-eye specs, G), 2011 saw Gaga changing her hair color weekly. She comes in colors everywhere! I’m partial to her turquoise, black-browed, red lippy days because it’s so weirdly beyond anything else she’s ever done with her hair. It’s very 80s Power Girl-meets-Molly Soda, you feel? And her 20s vibe on the cover of Vogue is the Vogue-iest Gaga could ever look. And look at her Jessica Rabbit-self reviving the hair bow on that Rolling Stone cover! Claps, claps, claps. Oh, wait, I mean, APPLAUSE!

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“Cruella deVille” Gaga
Once her single “Born This Way” dropped, Gaga ditched the Crayon colors and channels Cruella. The half chocolate, half vanilla hair fit her single and accompanying video’s black and white color scheme. Decked in chains, pearls, and netted updos, Gaga goes through a Cruella-meets-leather daddy-meets-Daphne Guinness phase that’s a muted culmination of all the ensembles she’s been working for the past few months. The eyeliner gets heavier and the fake beauty mark is on an adventurous solo roadtrip the likes of which a face has never seen. All I ask is: why no dalmatians in tow?

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“Alien” Gaga
When Gaga release Born This Way she basically became an alien. We all want to be carried into the VMAs in an over-sized fake dinosaur egg, right? Just me? The alien angle is strong in the make-up department too (jutting bone prosthetics, hello), but the follicle situation is all light pinks and purples in soft waves or super-high Madonna ponytails. The high pony is actually a pretty bold move when you consider the sonic plagiarism controversy between “Born This Way” and Madonna’s “Express Yourself.” You do you Gaga, you do you.

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“That One Time She Pretended To Be A Dude For, Like, A Second” Gaga
Young Ralph Macchio, that you? I couldn’t not mention it. But that’s enough said.

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“Normal Bombshell” Gaga and “Dope” Gaga
Gaga’s back to brown and surprisingly normal looking. She rocked crazy Natasha Lyonne-worthy ginger hair for a spell, like some sort of Botticelli Venus in her “Applause” video, but her Art Pop days have her wearing a simpler look. I mean, aside from the paint. With her long dark hair and little septum piercing—showcased at this year’s VMAS—she looks like a young Angelina Jolie. And as for that septum piercing, I must say, kudos on getting that now and not freshman year at NYU, Gaga, I applaud YOU.

But then there’s this new, dark Gaga. The boyish Gaga with the (sometimes) weird teeth, also known as your new nightmare. Her “Dope” character is all about looking at Gaga’s tortured past, her bare-bones, teary performance at the YouTube Awards had her looking like a prettier and more talented Mac DeMarco. But, uh, still, this is scaaary girl:

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Gaga’s hyper-referential. I’m always curious to see what the Gagster has up her sleeve. Or her skirt. BTW, is “Gagster” a cool nickname? Blink once for yes and twice for no. Everything Gaga’s done you may have seen somewhere in the history of music and fashion, but it’s her dedication to consistent transformation that makes her so watchable. She must have this never-ending Cher Horowitz-style closet of wigs, hair dyes, and faux-hair bows, because the girl’s hair resumé is staggering. Gaga, we bow down to your soda-can curler and hair-beret ways.

Hazel lost a lot of her young life writing this piece—thank you Hazel—and she's on Twitter - @HazelCills