Drake Is Officially Music's Sinister Robot Overlord

He received 4.7 billion Spotify streams this year, and to be honest we need to be more vigilant.

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01 December 2016, 11:54am

Have you ever taken a second to really look at Drake? I mean really look at him – to probe into what is beneath that perfectly sculpted facial hair, and all those feelings? Think of his intentional goofiness, his inherent meme-ability. Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, Drake is too perfectly placed as 2016's favourite rapper – too internet savvy, too understanding of the zeitgeist? Well, my friend, hold that thought.

Today, it was announced that Drake is Spotify's most streamed artist of the year, and indeed, of ever. Drake has been listened to via the streaming service a frankly incomprehensible 4.7 billion times this year alone. That is equivalent to every single person on the planet, including babies, streaming Drake 0.64 times. That is everyone in the world listening to two thirds of "Hotline Bling". The #numbers are staggering.

I would like to know: how has this happened? How has Drake reached such echelons? I, for one, am concerned, and believe that there is only one possible answer: Drake is a robot, programmed exactly for peak 2016-ness, probably to take over the world and implement universal emotion-sharing and bad jumper wearing. And we, by streaming him, and making our memes, and having our funny jokes, are just allowing it to happen. So please, next time you decide to stream Drake: take caution. Do not become a cog in the machine.

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(Image via YouTube)