This Interview with Fat Mike Is Ridiculous Even by Fat Mike Standards

Photo by Jay Blakesburg

Fat Mike has been having a big week here on the ol’ Noisey. He recently made news by kicking a fan in the face and then making it up to the kid by letting him kick him back because two wrongs always make a right and that's definitely how that saying goes. He also became the unlikely star of a video game. And now he’s just done this amazing interview with Going Off Track, the weekly podcast hosted by Noisey contributor, United Nations member, and guy behind those wonderfully awkward Sound Advice videos, Jonah Bayer. Even by the standards of the notoriously outspoken Fat Mike, this interview is particularly ridiculous. In it, Mike, who had just eaten a big spaghetti breakfast after staying up all night, and his fiance Soma Snakeoil talk candidly about everything from sticking blueberries up your butt to keeping a sex slave to… well, you should just listen to it because it’s absurd. But here are a few select quotes, out of context, of course:

“She used to jerk off with the Bible. She used to read it before bed and then use it on her clit.” - Fat Mike

“My mom used to have all this porn. She had a magazine called 'Cocks and Cunts' and it was just pictures of cocks and cunts. It was terrible, like, God, I can’t believe my mom is reading this." - Fat Mike

"Having a normal boring sex life just seems so retarded." - Fat Mike

"You should wait 'til you get all the money 'cause you don’t wanna walk around with one tit. LA is not a one-tit town." - Fat Mike

“It’s actually a lot of work to have a slave.” - Soma Snakeoil

“I don’t want to go down on her after I came in her, that’s gross.” - Fat Mike

“I will put all the blackberries up your ass” - Soma Snakeoil

“It says 'Daddy’s' on her bottom lip. That was a good time, that was a forced tattoo. I had her tied up and brought in a tattoo artist late at night and she didn’t know what was happening. And I had 'Daddy’s' tattooed on her bottom lip, because I’m her daddy sometimes and it’s daddy’s mouth.” - Fat Mike

“I’m scared of not offending anyone, that would be terrible. Punk rock’s supposed to be offensive and make them think about stuff differently.” - Fat Mike

“It was too many drugs to stick in my pussy.” - Soma Snakeoil

“When I’m on tour, it’s party times. When I’m at home, it’s sober times.” - Fat Mike

“Will you anal-yze me later, baby?" - Fat Mike

“One part was cool because she had rubber pants on, rubber stockings. And they were kind of lubey, so I was kind of fucking her legs when I was on her lap.” - Fat Mike

“Go ahead and worship me because you’re supposed to, and everything will be great.” - Soma Snakeoil

And if you haven’t checked out Going Off Track, you should get on that, since they’ve gotten DEEP with some musicians. Like this one where Chris Conley of Saves The Day talks about the car accident that almost killed the band and this one where Doyle from The Misfits talks about Danzig's reaction to hearing The Misfats for the first time.