Watch Stormzy Launch G Factor, Grime's Answer to the X Factor

Screenshot via YouTube

Nobody really needed convincing that the X Factor was dying a death, but the slow croak became mathematical on Wednesday. Winner Louisa Johnson’s single is currently hovering somewhere around 8 on the UK's midweek charts, suggesting it might become the poorest performing X Factor winner’s single of all time. Basically, the whole talent game has fallen apart like a dropped sandwich. There’s scope for a new program that taps into what the gritty youth of the UK wanna see on their HD screens straight after Strictly Come Dancing on a Saturday night. There’s scope for G Factor, basically—a.k.a. grime factor.

Already publicly gunning for X Factor in general with his #ShutUpForXmasNo1 campaign, Stormzy has launched his not at all a parody show (yes, okay, it’s a parody), G Factor. “I’m not looking for anyone that already thinks they are a grime superstar already,” he explains in the video, “because they are not. There’s only one grime superstar here.” Still, there are some clues as to what they are looking for in MCs. “The hairline’s gotta be right,” says one of the judges.

If you’re still feeling skeptical about the concept here, then you just kinda need to watch it, because once the auditions begin, it reaches Roll Safe levels of grime comedy. Aside from a raft of Stormzy impersonators (Big Tipper raps half time in a tucked in red Adidas tracksuit whilst riding a hoverboard), there’s also some guest appearances from Section Boyz (who perform a timid a cappella of “Lock Arff” only for the judges to say they “aren’t feeling it”), and Krept, who gets asked to leave for wearing a Puma trackie. Add to that, appearances from Yungen, A Squeezy, Cadet, Big Tobz and Avelino. Plus, there’s MC Flipz, who, to be fair, delivers probably the hottest bars of 2015. All jokes aside. That kid is fire. World, take note.

Watch G Factor below.

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