X Factor Have Already Thrown In The Towel With Sam Bailey

Today started just like any other day. I got up, had a scratch and came to work.

Then this appeared on i-Tunes:

Just two months after her X Factor triumph over that malnourished cave-dwelling little Scottish lad, Sam Bailey's debut album has appeared on iTunes. But what can we glean from this information?

- You can make anyone look like Katy B with a bit of Photoshop.

- There will be eleven tracks on Sam Bailey's debut album, including her god-awful just in time for Xmas version of Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper".

- Judging by the album title there's going to be a mawkish cover of Gabrielle Aplin's mawkish cover of Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "The Power Of Love".

- Someone's gone to New Look and bought a "please forget I used to be a fucking screw" angora fluffy jumper. (Backfired a bit because angora jumpers are normally made from rabbit fur pulled from screaming rabbits who are kept alive throughout the whole process).

- Syco have effectively given up on Sam before she's even done anything. Back in the early series of X Factor, when it was still basically a show for teenage girls and Northern grannies, the winner would rush release a terrible record of MOR covers, so as to quickly capitalise on the public recognition of whichever stubbly arsehole they'd ordained as their champion. Series 1 winner Steve Brookstein's debut record is almost parodic, opening with his take of "Dance With My Father" before embarking on a ranch of Phil Collins and Van Morisson pub balladry moister than the nethers of the 50,000 housewives who bought it in its first week of release.

That went on for a few years but then Leona Lewis happened and X Factor realised they had a proper star on their hands. They pushed back the record till September and put her in the studio with proper song writers. Instead of her singing over a karaoke version of "The Tide Is High", we got "Bleeding Love" and Leona was propelled to IRL stardom. That's been the model ever since. There have been varying degrees of success, but every winner has had a proper shot at being a proper popstar.

But the fact this record is already available for pre-order, seems like it's going to have two Live Lounge lite covers on it and is coming out before the new series of X Factor even starts is a pretty clear sign that they want this inevitable shit show out the way before they start looking for the next proverbial/not proverbial lamb to slaughter. Digital Spy are reporting there's going to be a version of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" with Michael Bolton on there, which tells you pretty much everything you need to know.

- A click on related albums reveals three other records:

There's her X Factor winners single, some old shit she made before she was famous (which X Factor lawyers haven't bothered to take down, further suggesting they really couldn't care less about what happens to her) and an entire record of Casio dancehall songs, presumably by a different Sam Bailey who looks a bit like Elizabeth Moss on her way to Pacha in 1996.

- To be honest the title track is a bit of a tune.

Follow Sam on Twitter: @SamWolfson

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