Nelly's New Song Is Incredible

Proving, yet again, that he's probably the best singles artist of all time.

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Mar 5 2013, 1:39pm

Above is the new music video from Nelly. In it, he rides around in a Porsche, does some non-descript dance moves and reminds us that he’s still alive. It’s all set to the theme of what I’d imagined all my high school road

trips through California with my BFFs to sound like. Except, I’m English. And it’s fucking cold. Always.

Anyway, the song is terrible. It could have been sung by Taylor Swift and it would sound exactly the same. And, that is why it’s also amazing. Seriously, I listened to it ten times last night. As I awoke this morning, I remembered that this song was waiting downstairs on my computer, ready to be gifted to my ears all over again. I couldn’t wait to get out of the sheets to listen. Nelly, you gave purpose to today.

It also got me thinking. Nelly has always been the undisputed king of singles orientated music. Let’s take a chronological look back through his career highlights / reinventions.

"COUNTRY GRAMMAR"

Nelly was a lifejacket to the sinking ship of early 2000 hip-hop. He was the generic rap artist that I’d spent my eight year old life looking for. He offered everything that I wanted. A beat that sounded like it would be found on a copyright free music library. Oversized clothes. Women. Chicken. Intriguing face-to-camera expressions. And a street party. But, what my kindergarten self (and the world) didn’t know, is that this was only the beginning.

"RIDE WIT' ME"

I’m not really qualified in anything in life. But, having been raised in the early 2000s, I feel confident in saying that "Ride Wit' Me" was the best song of our childhood. Sure, Outkast’s “Ms. Jackson” and R.Kellys “Ignition Remix” (petition here to make it the USA national anthem) were also on the Now compilation CDs. But, they’re non comparable. Andre 3000 was too complex for a linguistically challenged kid to flow along to and "Ignition" - with it’s line about coming fresh out of the kitchen - only made me think of hypothetical over-sexualised dinner parties that I wasn’t old enough to attend. Yes, Nelly, I’d like to take a ride with you. Can I make it? Damn right! I’ll be on the next flight! I’ll be paying cash; first class - sitting next to Vanna White!

"HOT IN HERRE"

At this stage in his career, Nelly had advanced from bootleg loop packs to seductive Neptunes fronted production. With the lubrication of Pharrell and Chad, Nelly slid into the realm of R&B sex jams with ease. And, my God, did it sound great. Pre-internet, this song was not only the perfect accompaniment to taking it off like you were home alone (y'know, dancing in front of the mirror while you were on the phone) but also to every nappy night ever. It’s only now, at the tender age of 21, I understand how fucked up the coupling of those ~club nights~ with mid 2000s R&B was. But at the time, I didn’t give a fuck. I was too busy grinding in my H&M “d-boy” jeans to some Nelly. He made me feel mature.

"DILEMMA"

Welcome to Nellyville. Welcome to "Dilemma". Welcome to the best R&B duet of the modern age. Yes, I’ve heard '03 "Bonnie and Clyde". But, have you ever tried to cry yourself to sleep listening to Beyonce and Jigga talk junk about how much they love each other? It’s counter-productive. Nelly and Kelly are the best partnership and not just because their names rhyme. This song had soul. It had passion. It had feeling. But mostly, it taught me about life. The video educated me on sartorial colour coordination. It confirmed that you could still dress like a dickhead, but as long as you could get a harmonious colour scheme going then you’d be dancing with a beautiful girl in the middle of the street by the end of the night. With the release of this song, the world was sold to the cult of Nelly.

"MY PLACE"

I’d heard that a friend of a friend, told a friend of mine that Nelly was thinking that he should do it again sometime. So, we went over to his place. We sat ourselves down and switched on The Box music channel and waited for his new smash hit to ease our minds forever. With the release of the Suit/Sweat duo album, Nellz flirted with lower key lounge music. At first, I was disappointed. How could he deprive us the massive pop singles of past? But then I got to the mid-video skit where Nelly apologizes to his squeeze and everything was right in the world. The next single, "Over and Over" further let loose Nelly’s crooning capabilities and promised that when we would laugh or cry that it would be together. It was forever.

"JUST A DREAM"

I decided to skip “Grillz”. Why? Because fuck “Grillz”, that’s why. Listen to it here if you want your ears to do a little cry. Anyway, on “Just A Dream”, Nelly was back to crafting majestic pop singles that gave purpose to us all. The track has over 140 million YouTube plays...COME ON!

"HEY PORSCHE"

And here we are, back at the beginning. Or at the end. I can’t wait to press play again and be transported to a better place. Thank you Nelly.

Follow Ryan on Twitter @RyanBassil