Ah yes, another year passed, another year born anew. Bet you have loads of plans to put into action too – like getting a new #hotbod or finally deciding to stop using Tinder, after re-downloading it somewhere close to fifteen times (when drunk ofc). Like they say though, out with the old, in with the new, and the music industry is no different. You gotta kill off the trends of the past so culture can move forward. All the things below are stuff that need to be left in 2018.
Advertisement
Albums with millions of songs
They say people don’t have attention spans anymore. On the one hand, this is true: there are people out there who find the most simple tasks impossible when phone-less – like cooking eggs or shitting. On the other, in 2018 there were so many songs on so many albums that if you added them together you’d probably have a running time similar to that of a return flight to Australia. One could take this to mean listeners care more than ever; another could say it’s a way of gaming the system (hiya average album that reached number one in 2018!). But odds are at least 75% of people would like an album that’s somewhere close to eleven songs (or 15 at a push if you’re on you’re fifth record and about to enter your empirical phase). Or just anything that’s perfect for a bus ride, really.… which brings us to, complaining about Spotify and streaming! Get over it, iPod lover. TheSwedish giants/Apple/Amazon/whatever are here to stay and sometimes we get good stuff outta it (Frank Ocean’s Blonded radio show, for example / all the others!) and sometimes bad (whatever that bloated rap album was that took three years to listen through and no one in this office ever finished).
Complaining about Spotify/streaming
Encores
An outdated ritual that brings joy to absolutely no one. Everyone pretends show ends, musician dodders around in the wings for a few minutes while crowd wonder if they should beat the rush and leave for public transport now, musician comes on to half-arsed applause and plays the best songs to a crowd already tired. Fin. Just fuck it all off and end with a bang or at least play the song above.
Advertisement
Ranting on Twitter instead of doing real promo
Using ballroom slang to sell products
Ball culture was born from Black and Latino American LGBTQ communities. Which makes it kind of weird when big brands and companies appropriate the slang to sell their shit. Just tell me to join your bank, or buy your shampoo – I don’t need to know if it’s gonna snatch my wig hunty yes mama yas kween. We get it, you watched Rupaul’s Drag Race once and now you’ve forgotten you’re straight, white and from Huddersfield.
Advertisement
Arguing about The 1975
Multiple Movies about Dead Musicians From Multiple Angles
More support for UK radio stations like Foundation FM after Radar Radio died
If you don’t know the Radar Radio story (read about their Rise and Demise here), let’s just say the entire enterprise burned as quick as one of those California wildfires, gutting the business and sending it to bed. Thankfully some of its best DJs, aka Snoochie Shy and Tiffany Calver, have taken on new roles at BBC Radio. Then there’s Foundation FM, the new station led by women but for everyone. Plus they have a banging logo. So while Radar can be gone, Foundation FM can be brought in. Listen to them here!This isn’t so much a cliche as something that needs to stop? And if you’re still out here calling yourself Lil Xan, then idk, I guess it’s like calling yourself heroin – at least in some dumb basic way, anyway – which maybe seems cool on the surface but is dumb as hell ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. IDK, maybe just us!!!What we’re saying is, more good music pls. Happy New Year! Mr Worldwide, baby!You can find Noisey UK on Twitter.