Shakira and Maluma’s “Chantaje” Was Actually the Best Song of 2016, You Ignoramuses

We like to think we usually get things pretty right here on Noisey. Our year-end lists were pretty sick, if we do say so ourselves. We're not perfect, though, and are ready to admit when we've backed the wrong horse, eaten our fair share of crow, made Himalayan blunders, or what have you. This, dear reader, is one of those times. With absolutely no disrespect to YG, the greatest song of last year was in fact Shakira's "Chantaje," featuring Maluma.

To describe this song as "fire" is an affront to oxygen."Chantaje" is reggaeton as a finely-honed blade, ready to slice open your aorta and stuff it full of sultriness. It features two of Colombia's finest in a story of sexual tension ("Chantaje" means "Blackmail") that rivals any pop duet of the same ilk that you can think of. Get Halsey and whatever the name of the dude from the Chainsmokers is (I want to say… Tyler?) outta here.

A short list of very good things in this song and video:

• It begins in a deli, as all great works of film must.
• The hook, dear lord.
• Maluma's voice gets Autotuned at random intervals.
• The combined attractiveness of both performers could power continents.
• When Shakira goes "¿Que?"as the beat drops out >>>>>

As someone partially from Brazil, the one Portuguese-speaking country in Latin America, Spanish has always sounded extremely weird; it's like seeing your reflection in the mirror but not recognizing it because someone put a whole bunch of soft "j"s there for some reason. I'd imagine this scenario plays out in reverse for everyone else, to which I say "fode voce, cara." Regardless of long-standing linguistic beefs, Shakira and Maluma make Spanish sound beautiful and fly-as-hell in "Chantaje," both spitting machine-gun verses as their characters' mutual lust grows.

All of this is to say that "Chantaje" will rearrange your neurons and unlock senses you didn't know you had. You should enjoy this song now before Drake jumps on the Latin wave (like he hasn't started to do so already) and we get the evolved form of Champagne Papi: Aguardiente Jefe. But we're not at this terrible future yet, so Noisey is amending its previous statements on the best music of 2016. We were wrong, and we couldn't be happier about it.

Phil is the quietest Brazilian to have ever lived. Follow or slander him on Twitter.
Jabbari didn't contribute anything to this post, he just loves this song. Follow him on Twitter.