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Music

Imagining That Royal Wedding Afterparty Playlist

William and Kate had Ellie Goulding performing live. Let's hope Harry and Meghan let Reprezent Radio's DJ Jevanni Letford take the reins on their big day.
Lauren O'Neill
London, GB
Image via Kensington Palace on Twitter.

It's two in the morning and you're a lot more drunk than it is fine to be around your family, and you keep weirdly crying about love, and you're standing in a circle between your dad and an uncle who has grabbed your arse on two (2) separate occasions over the course of the day, and you're all kicking your legs up in the air – at dangerous heights for people so pissed – to the strains of "New York, New York." Yep, you've guessed it! You're at a wedding!

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Weddings are a Great Laugh (if there's an open bar, at least) but I imagine that a royal wedding would be more of a stiff upper lip affair – no bitter aunties ranting about their divorce (probably) for better or worse. When I think about royal weddings, I always think about what the afterparty, traditionally the most raucous bit of the whole affair, would be like. Our most recent point of reference is William and Kate's wedding, which actually sounds kind of… good? according to a Telegraph report:

One guest described the scene in the Throne Room, which had been set up with a stage, a dance floor and a cocktail bar serving champagne, spirits and mojito cocktails: “The huge chandelier in the Throne Room had been cleverly covered with a kind of curtain or cylinder which had laser and strobe lights on it for the dance floor.

“There was a huge bar in the middle of the room, lots of sofas for everyone to lounge on when they weren’t on the dance floor, and a stage for the band.”

So far, so actually-sort-of-normal (except for the whole Buckingham Palace Throne Room thing). However it does go a bit downhill from there: for the entertainment, William and Kate treated (/subjected) their guests to a two-hour (!) set from Ellie Goulding. Imagine how bored you would be. Two. Hours. Of her off the John Lewis advert. Christ.

Luckily, however the royals have an opportunity for a wedding entertainment do-over in 2018, as 19 May will see Prince Harry marry Meghan Markle. The two hinted that they are the 'cool royals' (not like other royals!) by paying a visit to south London's Reprezent Radio on Tuesday, so hopefully they will choose something better for their Special Day. Thankfully, my very serious predictions for their trip didn't come true, although I did suggest that they might consider getting one of the Reprezent DJs to play their nuptuals to liven things up a bit. One of those DJs – Jevanni Letford – decided to shoot his shot when he met Prince Harry, handing him a business card:

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If they've got any sense, they'll book him. I caught up with him to see what he'd play given the opportunity:

I'd definitely set myself the challenge of having The Royal Family do the Electric Slide to "Candy". Aside from that, I would probably play a mixture of music to engage the crowd as a whole: Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It; The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme tune; Radiohead and a bit of Journey - "Don't Stop Believing." Most definitely, I would play a bit of Stormzy and Ed Sheeran to represent the UK. Oh, and cannot forget a bit of west coast hip hop for Meghan. Finally, as it was Rep who gave me the opportunity, I would probably throw a couple of our playlist tracks in for good measure - some really good songs on there!

He also mentioned that he should get the gig "Because I'll be able to create a set list that has everyone dancing from the Obamas to The Queen herself!" He also added, "Jokes aside, it would be an honour to play at a special day which promises to celebrate the beauty of two different cultures coming together (a task I am regularly trusted with on a day to day basis)." Seems like a pretty good manifesto to me.

While Jevanni's obviously the first choice – let's hope Harry picks up that phone sooner rather than later – just in case he's not selected, here's what a section of the royal wedding playlist will almost definitely look like:

1) "Rule Britannia" (donk remix)
I appreciate that they have to do their weird patriotism bit but they could at least make it bang.

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2) "I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor" – Arctic Monkeys
Bet Prince William loves smashing it to Arctic Monkeys when he's several glasses of Moët in.

3) "God Save the Queen" (donk remix)
See 1)

4) "Starry Eyed" – Ellie Goulding
Harry discovered her at the last royal wedding and now absolutely cannot get enough.

5) "Talkin' the Hardest" – Giggs
Since learning about Giggs from Reprezent's Jeremiah Asiamah, Harry's actually got bang into him and makes everyone call him the Landlord. This song is actually the first dance, at Harry's demand.

6) "La Macarena" – Los Del Rio
Duh.

7) "Oops Up Side Your Head" – The Gap Band
The queen loves doing the actions to this one.

8) "Thinking Out Loud" – Ed Sheeran
This is the one that a minor royal will snog a celebrity to. Someone will take a video on their phone and sell it to The Sun.

9) Grease Megamix
See 6)

10) "New York New York" – Frank Sinatra
I don't care if it's a royal wedding it's still a bloody wedding isn't it?

Follow Lauren on Twitter.