Guys! Why Is Nobody Bidding on This eBay Guitar "Owned by a Member of The Fratellis"?

"The Ultimate Prize for the No1 Fratellis Fan" has zero bids, despite a very reasonable opening price of £6,799. Are people blind or something?

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Aug 10 2016, 10:23am

Ebay is great, isn't it. Only there will you find such a rich buffet of human desperation, ranging from Abz of 5ive selling his unwanted Brit Award for a cool million to fund the running of his new farm to someone living in East Asia selling cheap pairs of Vans that turn out to be large heavy coins in a box. Where else can you flog your old Topshop vests for less than the cost of postage instead of donating them to charity? Amazing. Anyway, today eBay has surpassed itself in terms of brilliant once in a lifetime opportunities. For today, we have noticed that someone is flogging a Fender Telecaster previously owned by a member of The Fratellis.

Yes, Fratellis fans – of which there must be dozens currently active worldwide – now is your chance to own the weapon used to play "Creepin Up The Backstairs" and the one that goes "duh duh duh, doo dah duh duh duh duh duh" for the cool minimum of £6,799 or buy-it-now price of £10,500. Imagine, the instrument Jon actual Fratelli once used to bosh out immortal hit "Henrietta" sitting in your house with the rest of your Fratellis memorabilia!

Nobody has bid on it yet, despite there being only 6 hours left, and I'm not quite sure how this is possible. Are there no music fans in 2016, approximately eight years after the official death of indie, gagging for a piece of Fratellis history at a five figure price? I am winded, frankly. Especially since the seller, bless their generous soul, has done the absolute most to shift it.

"The Ultimate Prize for the No1 Fratellis Fan!" is how eBay user justascratchuk opens the item description, addressing The Fratellis thriving, active fanbase, before going on to explain in several paragraphs of detail exactly why it is of value.

"It is now the 10th Anniversary of 'Chelsea Dagger' and their debut album Costello Music," it continues, "So as you can imagine, Magazines/Newspapers etc will be giving the band a lot of coverage."

You hear that lads? Magazines! Newspapers! Bits of paper you can point at and say to your friends and family, "See that guy there? I bought one of his guitars off the internet." Still not convinced that this is worth dropping six months of your salary on? Well, what if you knew that "this guitar and its case has toured the world with one of the most important acts of the early/mid 2000's"? Did you know that? It is a "true piece of Rock n' Roll history", not to mention – and I can't believe it's taken so long for this fact to appear in the description – "signed by all 3 members on the back."

At this point, the seller starts to hedge their bets. You can sense the panic. Perhaps, they consider, not everybody loves The Fratellis for their undeniable contribution to popular music. Not everybody had an #IndieAmnesty, after all. There are many among us who came to The Fratellis through their incessant prevalence within popular sport.

"'Chelsea Dagger' is the official goal song for the most successful NHL American hockey league the Chicago Blackhawks," types the seller, keyboard practically setting alight with urgency at this point. "United States buyers welcome for any of you Chicago Blackhawks Fans or Team Players this would make a great item/focal point if were to put in a glass cabinet etc at The Blackhawks arena." They handily link to a video of the team scoring, followed by a seperate video of Mince and Baz of The Fratellis hanging out with The Blackhawks in 2013 for encouragement. Like we need any, jeez!

Before you begin the process of remortgaging your house, though, you may find yourself wondering if such an opportunity is for real. It does seem weird that someone would want to get rid of such a poingant reminder of the year 2006. How did our seller even get their hands on such a priceless piece of music history?

Well, it's very simple. See, the guitar was originally donated to the Meningitis Trust for a charity event back in 2008. We know this because the lister has uploaded a screengrab from The Meningitis Trust website to verify that it is, indeed, Jon Fratelli's guitar. So what has apparently happened is our seller went to a charity raffle for people who suffer from Meningitis, paid £2 for a ticket, left with a guitar donated for free by The Fratellis, then kept it in its case in a closet for eight years until the tenth anniversary of Costello Music arrived, at which point they listed it on eBay for ten grand.

Hooray, humanity!

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