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Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" Is Just Regular Racist, And His Album 'Wheelhouse' Is Bad

HOLY SHIT I FUCKING HATE COUNTRY MUSIC B. THIS SHIT SOUNDS SO FUCKIN RACIST B.

YO I STARTED THIS REVIEW AT THE "ACCIDENTAL RACIST" SONG BECAUSE THAT SHIT CAUSED A WILD UPROAR ON THE INTERNET. I WAS READING MY TWITTER FEED ALL YESTERDAY LIKE "I WONDER HOW BAD THIS SHIT ACTUALLY IS?" CUZ ALOTTA TIMES NIGGAS AMP SHIT UP SO MUCH ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND IT REALLY AIN'T SHIT. LIKE SUCH AS FOR EXAMPLE I'M ON THE INTERNET A LIL WHILE AGO AND ON TWITTER SHIT IS ALL LIKE "MILEY CYRUS IS TWERKING! OMG!" AND ALL #BLACKTWITTER IS LIKE "YO...MILEY TWERK TEAM? IM OUT! *EMOJI PEACE SIGN*"

SO IN MY HEAD I'M ENVISIONING MILEY CYRUS DOING A VIDEO TO SHOWCASE HER NEWLY SURGICALLY ALTERED ASSCHEEKS YOU FEEL ME? THAT'S THE NEW SHIT, IT USED TO BE FAKE TITS NOW YOU NEED A FAKE ASS TO MAKE THE CYPHER COMPLETE. IT'S GIRLS OUT THERE BUILT LIKE SPONGEBOB WITH GRANDMA TITTIES THAT GET THEY INCOME TAX CHECK, FLY TO MY HOMELAND (THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC) TO HAVE SOME DUDE NAMED "DR. PORFIRIO MARTE" MOVE THEY FUPA TO THEY BUTT AND PUT TWO GRAPEFRUITS UNDER THEY DEFLATED MCGRIDDLE LOOKING TITTIES. THAT'S NOT THE POINT THOUGHT THE POINT IS THAT I TURNED ON THIS MILEY CYRUS VIDEO EXPECTING WORLDSTAR LEVEL GRATUITOUS SLOW-MO ASS CLAPPING AND IT WAS HANNAH MONTANA GOOFY ANDROGYNOUS ASS HALFWAY KRUMPING IN AN AKADEMIKS SWEATSUIT THAT SHOULD BE ON A PUERTO RICAN GRANDPA AND NOT A NUBILE YOUNG WHITE WOMAN B. THERE WAS NOT ONE MOLECULE OF SEXUALITY IN THAT VIDEO B IT WAS PURE INTERNET HYPE, ZERO SUBSTANCE, LIKE THAT 40OZVAN NIGGA. SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I AIN'T IMMEDIATELY JOIN IN ON SLAYING THIS SONG BEFORE I ACTUALLY HEARD IT.

BUT THEN I HEARD IT.

HOW APPROPRIATE THAT LL COOL J IS THE NIGGA THEY GOT TO RAP ON THIS SHIT BECAUSE THIS IS A DOUBLE FUCKIN L FOR BLACK PEOPLE B.

"I GOTTA THANK ABRAHAM LINCOLN FOR FREEIN ME—THATS REAL" WOW MY NIGGA SHUT YOUR OLD ASS THE FUCK UP YOU SOUND LIKE A JERKOFF. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE MAD PUSSY AND YOU HAVE A STRONG OPINION ON SOME SHIT BUT SOMEONE IS LIKE "NAH YOU'RE WRONG FUCK OUTTA HERE" AND SINCE YOU'RE WILD WILD WILD PUSSY YOU JUST BE LIKE "YEAH I GUESS YOU HAVE A POINT"? THATS THE VIBE THIS NINJA TURTLE FACE ASS NIGGA GIVES OFF IN THIS SHIT. THIS NIGGA SCALP BOTOX MUST BE SEEPING INTO HIS BRAIN STEM, OR HE'S MANAGED BY DONALD TRUMP. "IF YOU FORGIVE MY GOLD CHAINS I'LL FORGIVE YOU FOR MY IRON CHAINS"?!?!?! SON I AM LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW JAMES YOU ARE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN HUMAN BEING AND YOU OUT HERE ON A COUNTRY ALBUM MAKING A SONG THAT SHOULD BE CALLED "BRO SLAVERY WAS LIKE A MILLION YEARS AGO GET OVER IT!" THIS NIGGA JUST SOLD HIS SOUL FOR A CHECK GET THIS NIGGA OUTTA HERE B.

SON AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FINDS IT HILARIOUS WHEN THIS NIGGA BRADLEY IS LIKE "I'M JUST A WHAAAAAAAAATTTTT MAAAAAAAYYYNNNNN"

I'M JUST A WHITE MAN!! LMAO YO "I JUST RUN THE WHOLE FUCKIN PLAAAAAANET" NIGGA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE I'MA JUST PUT THIS OUT HERE SO CAUCASOIDS UNDERSTAND. BEING "PROUD TO BE WHITE" APPEARS VERY RACIST EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S LIKE BEING PROUD TO BE BLACK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND BEING LIKE "I'M PROUD TO BE ICELANDIANESE" OR "IRISH" OR "GERMAN" OR WHATEVER OTHER SWAGGERLESS COUNTRY OF ORIGIN. BUT COMING OUT ON SOME "WHITE AND PROUD" SHIT IS RACIST. DON'T ARGUE WITH ME B I'M THE FUCKIN KNOWLEDGE GOD I HAVE SEVERAL PHD'S.

HOLY SHIT I FUCKING HATE COUNTRY MUSIC B. THIS SHIT SOUNDS SO FUCKIN RACIST B. I TOLD YOU NIGGAS PREVIOUSLY THAT BANJOS MAKE EVERYTHING SOUND RACIST AND THIS SHIT IS NO EXCEPTION. THIS ALBUM FUCKIN SUCKS BRUH.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 0 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 CUZ THIS NIGGA SPITS BARS ABOUT NASCAR AND CHURCH SO YOU KNOW THE DELUXE EDITION GOT BARS ABOUT FUCKING HIS PICKUP TRUCK IN THE ASS AND "BEATING NIGGERS UP."

STANDOUT TRACK: I'M LISTENING TO STEVIE NICKS AGAIN DOG I NEED TO CALM DOWN I'M AT WORK AND I AIN'T SLEEP AT ALL CUZ MY FUCKIN SON DECIDED TO WAKE UP AT 3AM AND DEMAND I PUT ON CURIOUS GEORGE. IF I LISTEN TO DUFLOCKARANT 2 LIKE I USUALLY DO I'D PROLLY THROW MY BOSS' FACE IN THE GARBAGE AND BE UNEMPLOYED VERY SWIFTLY.

The Kid Mero is on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO

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