Angel Haze on why she never came out.
Angel Haze has got a new column with Noisey. This time, she discusses sexuality, homophobia and hip-hop.
I don’t have a coming out story because I don’t think anyone needs to come out. I don’t get the fascination with being gay, lesbian, bisexual. There’s no separation between gay rights and human rights, it’s just fucking stupid.
Being gay in hip-hop is still really stigmatised. There are so many people in this world that are closet homosexuals. I guess I'm "out" but people ask me what my sexuality is all the time and I always tell them that it doesn’t matter, we’re not in a sexual situation so you don’t need to know. If we were in a sexual situation you would know exactly who I am sexually. But if we’re just having a conversation you don’t need to know what I do in private. Sexuality is not the most interesting detail about a person. It’s like me saying my favourite colour is red all the time. After a while you’d kindly tell to me to shut the fuck up about it.
So I don’t use gender pronouns in my music. For me it should be universal, something that everyone can relate to; if you like boys, if you like fucking puppies, who cares. I think that’s why I keep my personal life and feelings separate from my music or how I’m supposed to act cause I’m a pansexual rapper or a queer rapper or whatever.
But just because I didn’t have a coming out moment, didn’t mean I had it easy. I went through so much shit. A lot of my friends basically said, “bisexual people are disgusting, you don’t know what you want.” My family was the hardest, my mom said I was going to burn in hell.
My mother’s never been married, she’s never been in a successful relationship, my friends have had boyfriends who abuse them and think that shit’s ok. Yet they think that I’m an abomination. Strangers have attacked me, calling me a “fucking faggot”, a “homo rapper”. You have to listen to yourself, and go “this makes me feel right.” You’ve found someone you love, deal with it. Love is not a fucking crime.
I’m not a special case, I know there are thousands of gay kids who are scared that someone’s gonna call them a faggot in school or punch them in the face for thinking they’re looking at someone’s dick in the locker room. I had a 16-year old fan tell me that her mom wants to marry her away because she thinks it will be a better way to control her. She wants to run away. You don’t deserve to go through that and you don’t have to let that define who you are.
I was so reluctant to do “Same Love”, because I get so caught up on people thinking of me as a queer rapper, I don’t discuss my sexuality in my music. But I’ve always said to myself that an artist is a person who has something to say and isn’t just a part of the noise. Adele is one of those artists for me. So are Frank Ocean and J. Cole, people who have something genuine to say and won’t just add to the room full of chatter.
So “Same Love” was for the fans who I get messages from saying “I hate myself for being gay, I wish like fucking hell every day that I could be straight.” Why? Why would you wish to be anything other than who the fuck you are. Who are all these people to say you shouldn’t be gay and you’ll burn in hell. Show me real-life HD footage of hell and then we can talk, otherwise shut the fuck up. I do believe that for people who are gay or bisexual or whatever, it’s not something you plan yourself, and if it’s natural why deny yourself; never deny yourself anything that makes you feel happy.