Important Questions Raised By Shia LaBeouf's Freestyle Video

Shia LaBARZ.

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Jun 28 2015, 9:22pm

Actor slash wildman slash motivational speaker slash non-famous person slash life's inspiration Shia LaBeouf has been on a ridiculous tear this year, and his latest move might be the greatest. A video of LaBeouf rapping in some woods to a bunch of amused, presumably stoned onlookers has just surfaced online, and it is hilarious. It may even be great. But we have questions. Watch Shia's rap and then we'll talk about it below.

Where is this taking place? It looks like all the filler in between the cool places on the side of the highway.

What drug makes you do this?

Where are the black people? Is this what goes on when we're not around?

"I rock it like a rocket"? Do rockets even rock, bro?

What does "cuzzed out" mean?

Does "cuz" have time today?

Why is the kid to the right in the red shorts dancing?

Where is the kid to the left in the red shorts' shirt?

What potatoes did Galileo break down?

Isn't Kendrick "the best in the West and shit"?

Is this a response to the "Control" verse?

"Transformers is the dummy rap"? Those royalty checks dumb too?

Does it count as a rhyme if you say "though" at the end of every line?

Is tuna casserole hip-hop?

Are rattails hip-hop?

Is this supposed to be like that video where Eminem takes word suggestions and someone goes "animal crackers" and he goes "eat MCs like a cannibal backwards"?

"I'm so underground the rap kids call me Tubman"? Rah Digga already declared herself the Harriet Tubman of hip-hop.

"Rare commodity the quality is what it's gotta be, and my philosophy is much farther than what your eyes can see." Someone wrote some of this down, right?

Did Troy Ave write this?

What is Shia's endgame here?

Can we just have Macklemore back? Enough already.