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Music

Damian Abraham's Fucked Up Christmas Playlist

Damian Abraham lets you know what he listens to have a punk Christmas.

All photos courtesy of author

Every November first the holiday change-over commences. Halloween over-stock and decorations are quickly packed away, liquidated, or trashed. With lip service paid to the other faiths that happen to have a holiday around the “big red one,” a fresh coat of Christmas is painted all over. Much of the same happens to cultural outputs, as the family gathers around the TV to watch the Peanut’s Christmas or to see how American Horror Story manages to shoehorn in another blood-soaked homage to Black Christmas. This Christmas-ifying seems to happen to music with a special zeal around this time of year.

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For years, the months of November to February have been considered the blackout periods for new releases. With record stores turning over their precious shelf space to holiday music or holiday gift buyer-targeted greatest hits packages or compilations, it’s been considered futile to try and unleash new music into this environment. Some middle of the road radio stations, as if anticipating a non-existent desire within the masses to hear all Christmas music all the time, change format to their dusty ol’ holiday playlists.

With popular songs taken from A Very Special Christmas Vol 1 and A Very Special Christmas Vol 2 as well as a smattering of other holiday themed songs, these playlists serve as a chance for the ghosts of music’s Christmas past to be played again and again and again. Day after day and year after year, like a Pavlovian bell to remind you to go shopping, we get to hear Bono ask his baby to return home for Christmas. Even the songs you try and buck the holiday system with on a party playlist end up sounding over-played. How many times can you drop the hum over the hard f-bomb in the "FairyTale In New York" before you throw down the egg nog cup and say “enough!”?

I love this time of year, and I think the Holiday genre has some deep buried gems. Thus, I offer you five songs that are not likely to show up at a holiday party, on the radio, or on a Holiday Compilation on any store shelf.

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Alan Milman Sect - “Punk Rock Christmas”

Like many of the most beloved Christmas songs ("Rudolph," "White Christmas," "Jingle Bells," etc), the greatest Punk Song celebrating Christ’s birthday was written by a Jewish writer. Alan Milman Sect’s “Punk Rock Christmas,” not to be confused with the Raver’s "Punk Rock Christmas," is a stomping Killed By Death monster. From the opening prelude threat that we are only going to get one more take of it “then that’s that,” the record oozes with the type of aggression and menace that could only come from a novelty punk song. Vocals referencing “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” but “punked” are pouted out with all vim of an angry stoned David Johansen as a guitar churches away.

Culturcide - “Santa Claus Is Not My Lover”

The 1970 Jackson 5’s Christmas Album was sadly Michael Jackson’s only foray into the holiday music world. Fortunately, Texas experimental group Culturcide sought to rectify this back in 1986. Done in the style of their lawsuit enticing “Tacky Souvenirs Of A Pre Revolutionary America”, the actual album cut of MJ’s classic “Billy Jean (Is Not My Lover)” serves as the backing track as vocalist Perry Webb sings sarcastic parody lyrics about Santa Sex over top. This long running Texas punk band gave us the Christmas gift we have always wanted: a Negativeland-influenced Weird Al that works blue! The flipside of the 7” is also worth checking out for fans of weirdo Christmas records, where “White Christmas” is worked into the self-harm anthem “Depressing Christmas.”

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Art Dickerson - “What Is Christmas For?”

Of all the artists that have chosen to take the “Crying Clown” approach to Christmas songs, no song captures the lonely sadness that lurks within Christmas Joy than this one does. The cover features an illustration of a man alone on a park bench looking at a tree that would make Charlie Brown well-up in pity. The stark 80s production and the minimalist electro-rock lend themselves to the seasonal isolation bemoaned by the lyrics. Anyone that has the general complaint that “Christmas music depresses me” has no idea how much more depressing it can get when ol’ Art’s record hits the turntable. (A song so depressing it isn’t even on the internet.)

Jim Jones - “Wishlist”

To many, Christmas Rap begins and ends with “Christmas in Hollis”, however the rest of us are well aware that there is a rich history of this sub-genre Of all the great holiday Rap songs writers, few have shown greater dedication to the cause than Dipset’s resident Christmas-Crusader, Jim Jones. Jim wasn’t the only one from Dipset to get bitten by the [" target="_blank">holiday bug](http://<iframe width=), but he was the member that decided to dedicate a whole EP to the holiday. Released in the heady days of 2007, before I had children or any thought of having them, I probably heard “Wishlist” and thought nothing of it. But eight years and three kids later, this song speaks to a part of my soul that few others could reach. The song is about the mental health of people who are struggling to get the family they want for Christmas. Fellow bird gangers Stack Bundles and Mel Matrix paint the picture of the desperation we put on ourselves to provide the family with the things they ask for this time of year. Any parent can relate to the stresses expressed that this time of year can place on us. For God’s sake, teach your children management of expectations!

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Attanas - “Joulupukki”

What is it about Christmas and Skinheads that go hand in hand? If you are ever in the (unfortunate) position to throw a Skinhead Christmas party, your playlist is set! If, however, you have to throw a Finnish Hardcore themed Christmas party your song choice is sadly somewhat more limited. Something about blazingly fast Northern European punk doesn’t seem to lend itself as readily to the festive season as the British Glam informed Punk or Oi music. Thankfully, Attanas come through with the title track of their Joulupukki EP. The song “Joulupukki,” or Santa Claus, is a short burst of raw punk with simple pondering lyrics:

"If is was God who created the earth, Who was it the created God? Was It Santa Claus?"

Something important for us all to think about this holiday season.

Damian Abraham is a father and a herbalist. Follow him on Twitter.