What Musicians Were Wearing and Sharing on Instagram This Week 6/7

The truth is, I wanted to take this week’s column to just discuss a bunch of pictures that celebrities posted in support of Caitlyn Jenner, along with the fuckheads who posted memes like “His mama named him Bruce” or “Akon saved the world and Bruce is a science project.” Honestly though, you’re probably all tired of that so it’s better off that I’m not “that guy” this week. Enjoy what I did choose though! Or don’t. I don’t care. I still get paid.

Someone casually mentioned to me how I “always pick photos of Beyoncé for my Noisey column,” and then sealed it with this golf buddy laugh. I politely told this person to go fuck themselves, and they’re probably reading this piece right now so HERE IS ANOTHER ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE PHOTO OF BEYONCÉ FOR YOUR ASS. Bey good, y’all!

Listen, I know this necklace probably belongs to some girl who goes by “OVOAmber” on Snapchat or some shit, but wouldn’t it be totally amazing if Drake actually walked around wearing this necklace? It would make me very happy. I know that much.

Is this legal? Like is Willow Smith allowed to be wearing a shirt with bare breasts on it? Is Chris Hansen going to show up and ask me to “have a seat over there” while I enjoy cookies and lemonade and try to explain that we were “Just trying to hang out”?

Cassie gave up music to use her vagina as a cushion for Diddy’s hand. Career goals dot com. Kidding, who knows if this is even Cassie. Let’s face it though, it probably is.

Pictures like this are proof of what a nice guy Fetty Wap is, but even better you can read my feature on Fetty and get a real idea of what an awesome person he is. Shameless plug? Of course.

Doesn’t this Nicki Cosmo pic look like when you go to Disney World and they have those kiosks where anyone’s face can be on the cover of a magazine? I did that once with Teen Beat and they gave me a Zack Morris phone to hold up to my ear for the mock cover. I look like such a little asshole. My mother still has it framed at her house to remind that no matter how famous I think I am, I will always be an eight-year-old pretending to be on the cover of Teen Beat.

Okay so where was Jake Kropinski when I was in high school? A Boosie quote for his yearbook? Man, in my school all of the guys either quoted Yoda or some football-related quote on “victory” and “triumph.” Gross. Not here for #sports, but here for #Boosie. As an aside, Jake looks like Lance Bass.

If Adam Levine weren’t attractive, this photo would be so annoying. We’d all be collectively rolling our eyes like, “Get this dude and his Biore strips out of here.” Instead it’s like, “He’s so cute moisturizing his eyes. I’d like to moisturize his [insert expletive].”

So basically Gwen Stefani is shopping for her hair at the Sia wig store now? No shots, but total shots.

Finally Justin Bieber is hanging out with someone his own age.

I don’t know why, but this photo makes me extremely uncomfortable. Is this Snoop’s new crew or a plotline for a terrible new movie where a “cool coach” has to turn a little league team into winners for the “big championship” or whatever. Call it the Mighty Sucks.

God Taylor, does EVERYTHING have to be SO EPIC? Mark my words, this girl is headed to Vegas in the next three years. Quote me. The Swifties will prematurely find a reason to visit Sin City considering most of Taylor’s fans are like twelve right now.

Kidd Kidd is all fucks adjacent about being made fun of on that XXL Freshman cover with his new shopping bags. My question though is where the hell are all of the people in Times Square? No diss, but I doubt the city cleared out a landmark so “International G-Unit celebrity and XXL Freshman Kidd Kidd” could traipse through.

One of the Rae Sremmurd guys is out here showing us what happens when you try to act like Tyler, the Creator at Governors Ball. Hope that doesn’t scar! Actually, you want it to scar so people will start asking about your scar instead of “No Flex Zone” in interviews.

Kanye and Pharrell look like they’re modeling emojis here. Kanye is that really wide smile face and P is the prayer hands. They both look adorable though.

Kathy Iandoli has scars on her legs from riding through Paterson, New Jersey as a kid on the back of her friend’s bicycle. Ask to see them when you meet her, and follow her on Twitter.