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Objectively Correct Lists

25 Things That Are As #Woke As Green Day

We proudly present to you the MVPs of today’s trans-global information age. Take this, world!

ByRyan BassilandEmma Garland

On Thursday, August 11, 2016, the world’s greatest punk band™ returned from their hiatus with a new song called “Bang Bang”. Like every Green Day song before it, the track invites us to ruminate over how "the world has lost its collective mind". As expected from the guys who invented punk, it's an extremely #relevant musing on gun control, politics, and Twitter. As you can tell, it is also incredibly #woke. But what exactly is #woke, you might be asking. Who has Green Day joined hands with in this public service and mission to prise open our eyes? Let's take a look shall we, as we proudly present to you the MVPs of today’s trans-global information age. Take this, world!


ILLUMINATI CONSPIRACY YOUTUBE CHANNELS

In the fight against capitalism, war and all the other bad stuff, this is very important. Knowledge is power. So, claim it back like a true dissident from the armchair of your house, without ever getting off your ass! Genius!

SCIENTOLOGY

(via)

Science, eh? It can really make you think.

#KONY2012

(via)

I bet he regrets the day he crossed millennials.


TWITTER

Lots of great opinions on there.

NIHILIST MEMES

That’s right, you lay that Marxist quote over a screenshot from Minions and shove it right up the arse of authority!


READING

Sometimes you have to sit down and think: WTF am I doing with my life? Pick up a book, ya nerd!

BEING PUNK

Listening to the punk music instantly gives you a thorough understanding of all things. Have you heard NOFX’s The War on Errorism? Man, that George W. Bush was the worst!

V FOR VENDETTA

Where would anarchy be without this film? This is one of life’s greatest mysteries.


VOTING FOR HILLARY

Electing people into positions of power on the basis of their gender alone is extremely progressive and woke.

THINKING FACE EMOJI

Helping you articulate your suspicions without using words since 2015.

TIES!

(via)

Green Day wear these.

SAM SMITH

(via)

“Don’t be alarmed but I’ve just discovered this thing called racism exists and it is bad.” - Sam Smith, January 2016.


BROADWAY

Mormonism, AIDS, being American - there is not a single topic that hasn’t been tackled on stage in the form of song and dance, tricking your conservative and extremely heteronormative parents into applauding a room full of LGBTQ representatives.


WEED

(via)

A bag of the good ol’ green grass + snacks + crippling paranoia = woke.


B.O.B

Listen, yeah, the earth is flat and don’t let NASA or ancient Greece or rudimentary physics tell you otherwise.


“THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE" T-SHIRTS

All the woke ones are wearing them. Benedict Cumberbatch, Emma Watson, Theresa May. You know, all the woke ones.


URBAN DICTIONARY

This is where you will find the literal, actual definition of woke. Unlike the actual dictionary, which still thinks it’s the past tense of wake. Haha! Idiots.


MICHAEL MOORE

(via)

Do you… Do you ever get the feeling that the government may not have our best interests in mind?


DISLIKING THINGS THAT ARE POPULAR

Pokemon Go? More like Pokemon No Thank You, I Have An Extremely Long Scathing Comment To Leave On An Article About Beyonce.


THINK PIECES

Tea is shit! Margaret Thatcher was a feminist! Yeah, take that, status quo!


NOEL EDMONDS

(via)

Sprightly, drug-addled TV presenter or maverick in the field of medicine? You decide!


FACEBOOK PROFILE PICTURE FILTERS

(via)

How else are your friends and family going to know that you are in tune with current affairs?


THE NSA

(via)

They know everything.


WIKIPEDIA

(via)

They also know everything. Sort of.

NOISEY.COM

Where else are you going to find a list of things that are woke?

Follow Ryan and Emma on Twitter: @RyanBassil @emmaggarland