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Music

New Swears Talk About The Terrifying Magic of Horses

The Ottawa rock band tell us some tall tales and also shop for cowboy boots.
Image via Daily VICE

Much like their celebrated live shows, sitting down and talking to the guys in New Swears is an experience that one does not forget. Sitting on some benches inside Bootmaster, Toronto's premier cowboy/girl outfitter (apparently Drake buys his boots here), guitarists/vocalists Beej Eh and Scru Bar waste no time showing off their larger than life personalities. Everything the two members say I find myself incredulous of, even though I know that whatever bullshit they serve me could easily be true: There are the giant rats that terrorized them at home; the booze-free, all-veggie rider; and the moment one of them crowd-surfed to get a pulled pork sandwich. And the greatest tale of all: The incident in Switzerland that may or may not have involved an old man, a wheelchair and a massage that nearly got them deported. I want to believe it all because they're unbelievably amiable guys.

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If you don't know of New Swears yet, that's probably gonna change sooner than later. The Ottawa fun rockers recently signed to mega-indie label Dine Alone , home to City & Colour, Tokyo Police Club, the New Pornographers, and the Dirty Nil, and the intention is for them to become the label's next big thing. And there's no reason for them not to. They've got one of the most electrifying live rock shows in the country that's a mix of acrobatics, drunken antics and just plain stupidity. They give you a good time, no question, but what's even better with these guys is that they've got the tunes to play while they try to pull off a human pyramid, or whatever stunt they have lined up that night.

Having self-released their first two albums, it seems apt that their best yet is the one to get the big push by Dine Alone. And The Magic Of Horses is the kind of hook-crammed, potty-mouthed rock'n'roll you'd expect from four dudes that named their old house the Fun Boy Club House. Their beer steins are always half full… that is before they chug them.

NOISEY: The new album is called And The Magic Of Horses. Magical horses?
Beej Eh: We got the inspiration for magic from Harry Potter, and the horses from that show Heartland.
Scru Bar: And a little bit of magic from Penn & Teller. We've been binge-watching that show on Netflix. We've gone through the entire thing twice, and learning a few things along the way.

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What was the inspiration for the album cover? It looks like either a beer commercial or something airbrushed on the side of a van in the early '80s.
Scru Bar: Thank you! But no, we started off with a bit of a Hardy Boys adventure book cover, but then it sort of morphed into an '80s VHS tape cover.
Beej Eh: It's sort of like a Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey situation.

Magic horses are the Pegasus and unicorn. Which team are you?
Scru Bar: Pegasus.
Beej Eh: I'd go with unicorn, I think.
Scru Bar: I'm actually terrified of horses. I was chased out of a pen once. I have family in Texas and they have a stable near their house. One horse was really unstable and it chased after me because he thought I was getting too close to his kid. I was really, really scared and had to jump over a ten-foot fence. I think if I was around horses again or had to ride one, I'd need the oldest, calmest horse that wouldn't bite, buck or trample me.

How is And The Magic of Horses a step up from the previous two albums?
Scru Bar: A step up? Like because you've got to step up to get on the horses?
Beej Eh: [Laughs] We just want to keep it fresh, really. Have a totally new idea, a brand. In terms of music…
Scru Bar: I mean, yeah, we've evolved.
Beej Eh: Yeah, we've evolved.

You have songs about the devil and Hell. Did you guys make some pact with Satan?
Scru Bar: We're not using the devil as a person. Can we just pray for a sec?
[Prayer occurs]
Beej Eh: I once bought the Satanic Bible from a thrift store and they have a Ten Commandments thing too.
Scru Bar: I thought it was the six commandments. Bad is good. Good is bad.

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New Swears are a pretty exciting live band. Can you tell me about some of the craziest gigs you guys have played to date?
Scru Bar: They haven't happened yet. Tonight is gonna be the first.
Beej Eh: The craziest live gigs? Europe was pretty crazy. There was a dog on stage in Italy.
Scru Bar: It was the maddest dog ever. I think it was when I got off the plane in Germany and took a cab straight to the venue because I was arriving three days because my passport got stolen out of my coat. Don't know how it happened. Maybe it just fell out. I got pulled out of the cab, promoter comes and grabs my guitar, everything's all set to go, I plug in my guitar and start playing.
Beej Eh: We were already on stage waiting and hoped that he came.
Scru Bar: I had just been on a plane for 14 hours. That was a pretty crazy experience. Show wise? Gonna go back to the question you asked… I don't know, probably our first ever show?
Beej Eh: Ottawa shows are pretty nuts.
Scru Bar: Oh!!! There was the time the security guards just started punching the crowd and the crowd then pushed them all onto the stage and then stormed the stage. I feel like if you're a security guard and you start pushing the crowd, there is at least 400 percent more people there that can start something.
Beej Eh: One show Sammy crowd surfed to the back and he'd ordered a drink.
Scru Bar: No, it was food. Smoke meat poutine. Or sandwich. Pulled pork!
Beej Eh: And he brought it back on stage…
Scru Bar: Then he started climbing up this ladder on this old paper mill, and he was playing all the way up there. I didn't even know what was going on because I had my eyes closed.
Beej Eh: Nick was playing drums.
Scru Bar: And Bruce Springsteen came on stage and started playing with us.
Beej Eh: Yeah, that was probably the craziest gig.

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Is it tough to keep that level of excitement up night after night?
Scru Bar: No. It's only 25 minutes, so it's not hard. Not. At. All. We have unlimited energy. Also we stretch a lot. Our rider before the show – our "rider," which we never get – it's just vegetables and water, y'know, pitas and hummus, maybe a bit of chocolate too. So that gives us some energy.
Beej Eh: It's all soaked in Red Bull though, for 12 hours.
Scru Bar: Like the concentrated Red Bull, boiled down to beyond 5 Hour Energy so that it's almost black tar heroin.
Beej Eh: It's pure energy.

How hard is it to be technically proficient while you do stupid shit on stage? Does it even matter?
Beej Eh: Oh, it's fucking hard. Like Apple Macs and shit?
Scru Bar: Like reformatting your telephones.
Beej Eh: We try to hit all of the notes.
Scru Bar: We don't really think about it. We just try to play it right. You really just have to fly by the seat of your guitar. And then sit on your guitar.

So what is Ottawa like for bands these days?
Scru Bar: It's good. A lot of envelope pushers in Ottawa. You've got to try harder when you live there. But yeah, it's a great, tight-knit community.
Beej Eh: House of Targ is a great spot to play.
Scru Bar: But we're lacking in the venues, but what we have is good. They really help out the bands as much as they can. Zaphod's is great.

In one video called "New Swears goes Bowling," Scru gets drilled in the face by a bowling ball. How much does that hurt?
Scru Bar: It didn't even break my nose. It didn't hurt. It kind of stung though. In fact, that was the first nose bleed in my life. And I've been hit in the face a lot of times, but I've never had blood come out. It probably hit me in the perfect spot so it didn't pierce my brain and only broke a blood vessel. It looks cool though.

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You all have party personas or nicknames.
Scru Bar: Yeah, we have a lot. Nick has like six nicknames. I have one.
Beej Eh: We like to change it up.
Scru Bar: I don't know how it happened. We just call each other that. We don't ever use our real names, and then people hear us call each other by those names.
Beej Eh: Nick's got a really long last name, like five syllables, and so we just played on that a lot. Then it just started to fucking roll. Nicky Rampage. Nicky Homefries. Nicky Nofun. Anything goes now.

How important is beer to New Swears?
Scru Bar: I mean, they made it for us to drink.

Do you have your own beer?
Scru Bar: Yeah. No. Wait, do we? Are we allowed? [Looks at manager.] Okay, yes.
Beej Eh: We're in the process of brewing it right now.
Scru Bar: In the backseat of the car!
Beej Eh: We're doing it with Big Rig Brewery. We get to design our own beer. It's a secret recipe that's been passed down from generation to generation.
Scru Bar: Ever seen Beerfest? Nothing like that. We got it in a will. It's all in Austrian. So German, I guess? A lot of backward ees.
Beej Eh: And accent aîgus.
Scru Bar: You know how in Belgium they speak this weird French-Dutch?

You mean Flemish?
Beej Eh: Yeah, the recipe was in that language. From his grandfather's will.
Scru Bar: Great grandfather. And great grandmother. They died the same day.
Beej Eh: We're sticking to that recipe, but changing a few things.

Final question: What happened in Switzerland?
Scru Bar: Switzerland?
Beej Eh: How do you know about that?
Scru Bar: We almost got deported. We're getting the stare down right now. Wheelchair. Old man. Massage. Guns. Cops. Passports. Slap on the wrist. Massive hangover. Really, really bad. Tried to sweat it out hotbox style. Didn't work. We were already in another country by then. Or was that still Switzerland with your parents?
Beej Eh: I don't know.
Scru Bar: His parents show up everywhere! They came to Europe on a vacation but they still came to the show. They're the most loyal, supportive parents.

New Swears Tour Dates:

June 23 @ House of TARG - Ottawa, ON
June 24 @ House of TARG - Ottawa, ON
July 06 @ The Moustache Club - Oshawa, ON
July 07 @ The Red Dog - Peterborough, ON
July 08 @ Elora Brewing Company - Elora, ON
July 12 @ Mills Hardware - Hamilton, ON
July 13 @ Rum Runners - London, ON
July 14 @ Warehouse Concert Hall - St. Catharines, ON
July 15 @ Lee's Palace - Toronto, ON
July 22 @ River and Sky Festival - Sudbury, ON
July 23 @ L'Esco - Montreal, QC
July 26 @ L'Anti - Quebec City, QC
July 27 @ Claude's House - Moncton, NB
July 28 @ Seahorse Tavern - Halifax, NS
July 29 @ The Capital - Fredericton, NB
July 30 @ Baba's Lounge - Charlottetown, PEI
August 04 @ Our Wicked Lady - Brooklyn, NY
August 12 @ Wolfe Island Music Festival - Wolfe Island, ON

Cam Lindsay is a writer living in Toronto. Follow him on Twitter.