Pack it up guys, humanity will never surpass this moment.
Jim Steinman, the songwriter behind Meat Loaf's career and Celine Dion's best song (do NOT @ me) is the musician who best harnessed the inherent theatricality of 70s and 80s radio rock to craft ludicrous, Rube-Goldberg-machine pop epics that were all enormous hits. Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is his magnum opus, seven minutes of pure melodrama that's so contagious you can forgive it for originating as a vampire love duet. Wild that Jim Steinman foresaw Twilight twenty years before the fact.
Anyways, the song rules. You know what else rules? Astronomical phenomena like solar eclipses, which are nature's version of Jim Steinman songs when you think about it. A total solar eclipse is happening on August 21, and it'll be the first one visible to the continental US in nearly a century. This is a big deal, and you need a big song to go with it, preferably one that's about... you see where we're going with this. Getting to the point: Bonnie Tyler is gonna sing "Total Eclipse" during this literal eclipse. On a boat. With Joe Jonas in her backup band. What a time.
Two things to note: one is that the eclipse will last for a little less than three minutes, which is considerably shorter than "Total Eclipse." Maybe they can just play it really fast. Also, if we're going by astrology, this eclipse will trine Uranus, which traditionally means sweeping changes on a personal level. This is good! Let's be optimistic for once! DJ, play my track: