Is Kid Rock Destroying Barbecues with Heavy Weaponry a Metaphor for America's Future?

Nothing screams "USA" louder than the wanton use of artillery.

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Mar 9 2017, 9:48pm

If both Trump and former WWE businessperson Linda McMahon being in the U.S. government weren't proof enough that the bro culture of the late 90s now rules the world, Kid Rock's potential appointment to the country's Senate is the capstone. He isn't sweating things, however, as he's launched a new line of all-American barbecue grills called American Badass Grills. This is an obvious reference to Kid's 2000 single, which is the second best rap song to sample Metallica's Black Album after Koopsta Knicca's "Torture Chamber" and is also 17 years old. There have now been nearly two decades of Kid Rock being an inescapable part of American pop culture. Anyways, Kid, who has never outgrown the "Xtreme" marketing of the era that made him famous, has decided to market the grill by annihilating Chinese-made grills ("they stink!") with medieval siege weapons and shotguns.

Never mind that the specific type of catapult here has a French name (trébuchet) and came from China in the first place. His name is KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID, as the familiar guitar riffs of the deathless "Bawitdaba" remind us in the background, so this doesn't matter. This kind of blind rushing-in must feel awesome, yes, and Kid has made it feel awesome many times before, but it's also incredibly stupid.

How did he make the barbecue explode? American pride, that's how. It makes everything blow up.

To watch these videos is to understand the future. America will continue to become the whole-nation equivalent of a Steven Seagal character, which will definitely lead to lots of sick action movies, but also widespread death and destruction. Maybe. That or Insane Clown Posse'll decide they need to represent Detroit rap on the American stage, and not this actual clown.

Phil still thinks 'Devil Without a Cause' is the greatest album Beck never made. He's on Twitter.