So it's April 20th, the one day of the year that people smoke weed. Just kidding!!!!! People smoke weed every damn day of the Gregorian calendar because A) they seem to love it, B) it's not necessarily illegal for everyone, and C) how else you gonna watch The History Channel and not wanna KYS because life is absolutely effed and humans don't learn from their mistakes.But here's the thing: Weed is bad. Weed is naughty. And look, I'm no Christian but I'm pretty sure weed is a sin. If I—a woman—am not allowed to have sex with another woman according to G.O.D. then you're definitely not allowed to smoke some thing you found in the earth that makes you think Dane Cook is funny. There's just no way that's allowed.
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So, in the spirit of NOT SMOKING WEED because it's a fucking sin, here are songs that will make you FEEL high on 420 day. You know… so you don't feel left out or whatever. Get high on life, high on vibes, high on being PURE and PRESENT and SOBER. Here goes.Katy Perry, "Chained to the Rhythm"
What a perfect place to begin. Everyone knows this is the wokest song in the world and I'm willing to bet you at least seven dollars that if you put it on loud as heck and kick back (sans shoes if you really wanna feel it), it is gonna blow your mind fuckin' David Attenborough's Planet Earth-style. The opening four lines alone are enough to melt your mind:Are we crazy?
Living our lives through a lens
Trapped in our white-picket fence
Like ornamentsDamn, dude. Do you feel that? Feels like drugs, doesn't it? It's not drugs. It's the truth.Weyes Blood, "Generation Why"
Generation why, though. Generation… why. Do you see? Do you even get it? Actually you know what, these lyrics are too complex. Can I suggest printing them out and taking them outside with you, to a nearby patch of grass under a tree. Let the dappled sun warm your arms and head. Read them to yourself. Over and over and over. See you on the other side, buddy.The Beach Boys, "Feel Flows"
Oh, you're gonna try and tell me I have to do a drug to feel like all time and space is slipping away? Really? Really? Ever heard of the fuckin' Beach Boys??? That bitch Brian Wilson brought DOGS into the studio. DOGS. Listen to this song—in fact, this entire album—and tell me you don't feel like that dank ass kush buddha personified. That pan flute? That's some trippy shit.
What a perfect place to begin. Everyone knows this is the wokest song in the world and I'm willing to bet you at least seven dollars that if you put it on loud as heck and kick back (sans shoes if you really wanna feel it), it is gonna blow your mind fuckin' David Attenborough's Planet Earth-style. The opening four lines alone are enough to melt your mind:Are we crazy?
Living our lives through a lens
Trapped in our white-picket fence
Like ornamentsDamn, dude. Do you feel that? Feels like drugs, doesn't it? It's not drugs. It's the truth.Weyes Blood, "Generation Why"
Generation why, though. Generation… why. Do you see? Do you even get it? Actually you know what, these lyrics are too complex. Can I suggest printing them out and taking them outside with you, to a nearby patch of grass under a tree. Let the dappled sun warm your arms and head. Read them to yourself. Over and over and over. See you on the other side, buddy.The Beach Boys, "Feel Flows"
Oh, you're gonna try and tell me I have to do a drug to feel like all time and space is slipping away? Really? Really? Ever heard of the fuckin' Beach Boys??? That bitch Brian Wilson brought DOGS into the studio. DOGS. Listen to this song—in fact, this entire album—and tell me you don't feel like that dank ass kush buddha personified. That pan flute? That's some trippy shit.
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OG Maco, "U Guessed It (Extended Version)"
This song is so unbelievably insane and still somehow good that you just, I'm sorry, you will be powerless against it. It has the ability to turn you into an Alex Mac-type puddle of wobbling mercury or whatever. Who thinks of this? This is groundbreaking. This is Earth-shattering. This is post-music, man. You go find those sinner friends of yours who smoke that Elizabeth Danks and you tell em: "Hey! I don't need drugs to get high! OG Maco created post-music, BITCH."The Beatles, "I Am The Walrus"
WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING THE F*CK IS THIS SONG ABOUT??? WHAT ON EARTH ARE THESE MEN TALKING ABOUT!!! WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THIS BAND????See that? That's called the Truman Show effect. When something is so insanely bizarre to you and seemingly only you, that you begin to believe you live in a world that works day and night to convince you of a falsehood. Everyone's in on it except you. Much like how you feel after seven bongs. Pretty sure I officially have the munchies right now.Banks, "Brain"
Ok so I'm not sure if I feel like I'm super frickin' baked on that Seth Green when I hear this song because of the semi-psychedelic effects on it—that delay, dude??—or because of this video where a dancer rips a cone (sinning) and then does the most incredible pole routine anyone's literally ever seen… ………. Either way: I'm losing it, dude. I'm like… Whoa. This is crazy. Are you feeling this?
This song is so unbelievably insane and still somehow good that you just, I'm sorry, you will be powerless against it. It has the ability to turn you into an Alex Mac-type puddle of wobbling mercury or whatever. Who thinks of this? This is groundbreaking. This is Earth-shattering. This is post-music, man. You go find those sinner friends of yours who smoke that Elizabeth Danks and you tell em: "Hey! I don't need drugs to get high! OG Maco created post-music, BITCH."The Beatles, "I Am The Walrus"
WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING THE F*CK IS THIS SONG ABOUT??? WHAT ON EARTH ARE THESE MEN TALKING ABOUT!!! WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THIS BAND????See that? That's called the Truman Show effect. When something is so insanely bizarre to you and seemingly only you, that you begin to believe you live in a world that works day and night to convince you of a falsehood. Everyone's in on it except you. Much like how you feel after seven bongs. Pretty sure I officially have the munchies right now.Banks, "Brain"
Ok so I'm not sure if I feel like I'm super frickin' baked on that Seth Green when I hear this song because of the semi-psychedelic effects on it—that delay, dude??—or because of this video where a dancer rips a cone (sinning) and then does the most incredible pole routine anyone's literally ever seen… ………. Either way: I'm losing it, dude. I'm like… Whoa. This is crazy. Are you feeling this?
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Miles Davis, "Love For Sale"
What the actual hell is Jazz!!!!!!!?????? How does it work??? How do they do it!?? I'm serious! I'm not making a joke! How do they… do this?? Does anybody understand what I'm saying? Yoooo somebody pass the Doritos ha ha.Rihanna, "Pon De Replay"
This is just gonna make u feel like… "How is possible that Rihanna started out here… How? You know?" and everyone knows that questioning reality is a thing that stoned people do. This will make u feel like all the walls around you are crumbling and perhaps it will lead you to confront the reality that every artist you love is just doing whatever it takes to be successful in that field and that maybe there is no real artistry… Maybe every single personal brand was just developed in boardrooms full of people with dickloads of data gathered and utilised over years and years and years. Maybe nobody in the limelight is anything except a gosh damn puppet. Hmm? Ever thought about that? That Drake doesn't even get memes or the Internet but his team and his label saw the potential and the niche for the Millennial's Rapper and they ran with it??? Yeah. Exactly. Nothing is real.Follow up questions: Who needs that sticky icky icky when you can drive yourself to temporary insanity?Literally any Lana Del Rey song to any Lana Del Rey fan
If you wanna know what it feels like to not just be high on that George Kush Snr but also basically any other drug in the known universe (yes even Meow Meow), just be an LDR fan and listen to LDR. Because if the YouTube comments are to be believed, this shit bends minds: "This song makes me feel high!!!" "Lana is DRUGS to me." "I love how this video looks like memories." Very cool, and very drug free.The Black Angels, "Entrance Song"
This is if you wanna feel the kinda high that characters in coming of age films and shows like Freaks and Geeks get. The kind of high where you smoke some of that Reefer Sutherland and lay back on a velveteen couch with your feet up on the arm, and you stare at the roof and you're not even thinking about anything. You're cruising through time. But you're not. You're on an intergalactic highway but you're also not. You're swimming in a body of water but you're also totally not. One thing is for sure though: you're starting a band first thing tomorrow.Follow Issy Beech on Twitter. Unless you do drugs in which case you should turn yourself into the cops right now.
What the actual hell is Jazz!!!!!!!?????? How does it work??? How do they do it!?? I'm serious! I'm not making a joke! How do they… do this?? Does anybody understand what I'm saying? Yoooo somebody pass the Doritos ha ha.Rihanna, "Pon De Replay"
This is just gonna make u feel like… "How is possible that Rihanna started out here… How? You know?" and everyone knows that questioning reality is a thing that stoned people do. This will make u feel like all the walls around you are crumbling and perhaps it will lead you to confront the reality that every artist you love is just doing whatever it takes to be successful in that field and that maybe there is no real artistry… Maybe every single personal brand was just developed in boardrooms full of people with dickloads of data gathered and utilised over years and years and years. Maybe nobody in the limelight is anything except a gosh damn puppet. Hmm? Ever thought about that? That Drake doesn't even get memes or the Internet but his team and his label saw the potential and the niche for the Millennial's Rapper and they ran with it??? Yeah. Exactly. Nothing is real.Follow up questions: Who needs that sticky icky icky when you can drive yourself to temporary insanity?Literally any Lana Del Rey song to any Lana Del Rey fan
If you wanna know what it feels like to not just be high on that George Kush Snr but also basically any other drug in the known universe (yes even Meow Meow), just be an LDR fan and listen to LDR. Because if the YouTube comments are to be believed, this shit bends minds: "This song makes me feel high!!!" "Lana is DRUGS to me." "I love how this video looks like memories." Very cool, and very drug free.The Black Angels, "Entrance Song"
This is if you wanna feel the kinda high that characters in coming of age films and shows like Freaks and Geeks get. The kind of high where you smoke some of that Reefer Sutherland and lay back on a velveteen couch with your feet up on the arm, and you stare at the roof and you're not even thinking about anything. You're cruising through time. But you're not. You're on an intergalactic highway but you're also not. You're swimming in a body of water but you're also totally not. One thing is for sure though: you're starting a band first thing tomorrow.Follow Issy Beech on Twitter. Unless you do drugs in which case you should turn yourself into the cops right now.