The Reality TV Political Spectrum

It is the 31st of October, 2018, and we have woken up in the age of Comrade Gemma. After meeting Jeremy Corbyn for approximately 30 seconds on the, haha, red carpet at the Pride of Britain Awards, GC gave an interview to the Daily Mirror talking about her support for the Labour leader and his policies, including his plans for the railways ("rationalisation – that's a good thing") and abolishing car parking charges at hospitals ("I'm not being funny, but someone's died").

Though Gemma's leanings are a bit surprising – I really did have her as full on Land Rover Tory-adjacent, and for that I apologise – she is one of many reality TV stars who have crossed the threshold from "calling people cunts on TV" to saying their actual views about the world (like the literal President of the United States). The thing about reality telly people is that They're Just Like Us, so in the same way there are a huge variety of political stances among the public, the same can be said for people who say "at the end of the day" more than the rest of us and get to go on TV because of it.

Here is a brief guide to the spectrum as it stands.

At the "Yung Activate" end of things, there is, of course, Toff, AKA Georgia Toffolo from Made In Chelsea, AKA Queen of the Jungle 2017, AKA massive Tory who's into fox hunting and once said that Jacob Rees Mogg – AKA PPE Slenderman – is a "sex god".

It is rare to see the Love Island house used as an arena for political debate, but this year some chat about Brexit snuck in. Hayley Hughes (see below) didn't know what it was, so Georgia chimed in with the following, very telling insight: "We're leaving the European Union… it would mean that welfare and things we trade with would be cut down."

Not sure about the factual correctness of this statement (I'd go with: "not…..very?"), but honestly, as soon as someone mentions "welfare" my eyebrows are halfway up my forehead. Also, Georgia goes to racecourses and wears that weird type of Sorry But There's a Queue Here pink tweed with knee-high boots over jeans far too often to be anything other than politically sus, let's face it.

For me, Hayley was the unsung personality of Love Island 2018 – #Hungate was easily the year's best row, except for maybe when Alexandra called Doctor Puce "pathetic" – though for others she was awful and her dumping from the island was a blessing.

Regardless of your opinion, it's fair to say that she was not particularly well-versed in politics (or in… much – "What’s an aura?" – but I will say she can give herself an amazing face of makeup and an incredible blow-dry, which is, in many ways, much, much better), and as such she ended up going on Good Morning Britain and doing a horribly awkward segment with Nigel Farage.

By anyone's measure, this was extremely poor form, though I remain convinced she still doesn't know who he is or what havoc she wreaked by doing a video with him, which is almost definitely worse than if she did. I've put her round the middle of the spectrum because she represents people who are largely apolitical but say they "love" Boris Johnson "because he got stuck on that wire!"

Remember Dan? Young lad on Season 4 and 5? Of course you don't, which makes Dan the Lib Dem of the reality television political spectrum. While he never actually said anything about his political opinions, he didn't contribute a great deal, got in the middle of a few scraps but was never an actual aggressor, and vomited a lot. So yeah, Lib Dem.

Who'd have thought it. Red Gem. We should have seen it coming, really: underneath it all, of course, GC is a woman of simple needs ("If you can't buy me a cup of tea and put 70 quid petrol in my car once a month, get out of my life," Amen), and she also fucking loves a viral moment. So, as soon as she clocked Corbyn at the Pride of Britain awards, she of course was over him.

In fairness to her, however, she's followed it up by speaking to the Daily Mirror about her political views, and discussed Labour policies on stuff like education and the NHS, which is, objectively, good. Also, she gave this quote, which – like most other things she does – is art:

"Do you know why I love Jeremy? He wants to end hospital car parking charges. I'm not being funny, but someone's died – a member of your family – and you've gotta put three quid in the meter? It's just not the time. Your mum has a heart attack, yet you've got to rustle around in your bag for £5? It's not the one."

Make TOWIE a party political broadcast. Nationalise Sheesh.

Celebrity socialism hath a name and, friends, it is Scotty fucking T:

@hiyalauren