What Having Sex While Pregnant Is Really Like

This article was originally published on VICE Romania.

Pregnancy is often described as a life-changing, beautiful but painful experience that can modify your body in temporary yet often freakish ways. For some people, these changes can even be fun and beneficial, like having big tits, zero periods, and feeling hot and horny. Not that you hear that much about it – the truth is, having sex while you’re pregnant is something that’s rarely talked about.

Society still has a hard time acknowledging that around half the population are sexual beings, let alone when they’re carrying a baby. This taboo is so heavy that Dr. Raluca Enciu, an OBGYN based in Bucharest, often sees patients who shyly ask her if they’re allowed to get it on during pregnancy at all. 

Many of them worry that sex could cause painful contractions or even induce premature birth. “Indeed, during intercourse and orgasm, the brain releases a hormone called oxytocin, the main hormone that causes the uterine muscles to contract during labour,” Enciu explains. “But the amount released during sex is very small, so it may produce false contractions of very low intensity.”

She adds that penetration doesn’t increase the risk of premature birth or rupture of the membranes inside the reproductive system. Sperm does contain a substance called prostaglandin which can cause contractions, but these happen very rarely – another misconception.

Besides her patients’ own fears, they also have to deal with their partner’s anxieties. “It's hard to believe, but fathers are the ones who worry the most about hurting or touching the baby,” Enciu explains when talking about cishet relationships. “But it’s not possible because a penis cannot reach further than the vaginal canal.” (Sorry, guys.)

So overall, the answer is yes, you can have sex while pregnant, as long as your pregnancy is going well. In some situations, though, penetration might be a bad idea – when the cervix is too short, for instance, there is a higher risk of miscarriage or premature birth. Sometimes it’s also discouraged when you’re expecting twins or triplets, or if you have a history of premature births.

In any case, Enciu’s advice is to talk about it openly with your gynaecologist and straight-up ask them clear questions about the safety of your sexual practices. Sex during pregnancy has plenty of benefits – it improves immune function, releases endorphins and relaxes both the pregnant person and the baby, while also maintaining intimacy between partners.

But of course, each pregnancy is different – so we asked five people to tell us about their sex life while they were pregnant, from an emotional and, obviously, practical point of view.

“At seven months, my body almost hadn't changed and I loved to joke about it – what would grow faster, my butt or my belly?

“In the last few month, the latter won, obviously. By then, I was super comfortable – I was doing yoga every day and didn't care about the frequent farts. I was even going for runs every few days. Having sex was also fine at first. It seemed normal to do things as usual, because the baby was part of me.

“But at eight months, my body started to change: My breasts got bigger, my nipples wider and darker, my belly grew and you could easily see when the baby was moving. Overall, I think that experience was weirder for my partner than for me.

“Things got more complicated. Because of my belly, I could no longer see my vulva and didn't know what it looked like anymore, except with a mirror. I often felt tired and not sexy. In the last couple of months we had sex very rarely and the only possible position was from behind.

“My husband also started to see me differently, like a metamorphosing caterpillar. Who wants to have sex with a caterpillar? He was fascinated that I had a living thing in my belly and I felt he was a little scared. But I totally understood him, because I also wanted to feel light again. 

“I have to admit, though: I was really horny at times. But not like ‘I would fuck my husband in any position’; rather, ‘Come on, let's get it done, so I can get rid of this tension in my body.’" - Andreea, 36, designer

“Up until the fifth month, we had sex as usual, and the last time we did it was around seven months. I felt really horny during that time, because the blood flow to your genitals is much stronger than usual. So if you can't have sex, masturbation and porn are the way to go. If we were always this horny, I think our lives would be a lot cooler. 

“In terms of positions, you're not so flexible so you have limited options, and it can be uncomfortable if you're not used to it. In our relationship, I was the one who decided to have sex and for how long. I think it's important to guide your partner and express what you like as clearly as possible.” - Cristina, 36, customer service agent

“I have two girls aged nine and seven. I was relaxed about both pregnancies because they were healthy and I had no restrictions, so I assumed from the start it was OK to have sex. I was sexually active until the last month of pregnancy, and I have friends who even had sex on the last days to trigger the labour!

“In terms of libido, my pregnancies were different. During the first one I was always horny and I loved the shape of my new body. I was walking around the house naked, feeling like some kind of Mother Nature goddess – I felt really sexy! By the second one, I don't know if it was the hormones or the accumulated fatigue, but sex was the last thing on my mind. I still liked my body, but the pregnancy didn't feel as magical as the first one. 

“Pregnancy sex is a new kind of sex if you have the right partner, because it's experimental and it fills you up with love and sexual energy.” – Belina, 33, fitness instructor

“After the fifth month of pregnancy, my cervix started to open so I had to have it surgically closed. As a result, the doctors advised me not to have sex – we were too afraid to try anyway. My libido dropped after I got pregnant, and in the first year after giving birth it was almost gone. 

“It happened because of the birthing process, the hormones, the fatigue, the recovery, but also because my need for affection was completely fulfilled by the baby, which wasn't a bad thing at all. Luckily, later on, my libido came back in full force.” – Laura, 34, journalist

“In the first two months of pregnancy, we didn't even think about sex, because we were told at the first check-up I had a haematoma [where bleeding happens outside of blood vessels] right next to the foetus. 

“Luckily, my gynaecologist told us we could have sex regularly after the first two months, as long as I felt comfortable. My ex-partner and I didn't know each other very well before I got pregnant. In those nine months, we discovered all our demons.

“It turned out he ejaculated very quickly, so I didn't see the point in having sex anymore. He was super horny, but I wasn’t as much. At seven months, I couldn’t have sex anymore because of back pain.

“Luckily, my libido adjusted instantly after giving birth, so I was counting down the days until I was allowed to have sex again.” – Andra, 34, ceramic artist