Kid Trapped In Thomas The Tank Engine

According to my favourite website, some kid in America has watched so much Thomas the Tank Engine that his mind has been wiped of all knowledge beyond the show's catchphrases. Supposedly he walks around like a zombie mindlessly repeating phrases like: "Well bust my buffers" instead of taking his part in the theater of wit enjoyed by his more eloquent classmates.

This kid is either a sponge with no mind or personality, or an absorbent genius, because I spent ages trying to teach my three-year-old nephew the words to "TV Party" but he could only get his head around the bit where you have to shout the name of your favourite TV show (in his case: "DR WHO!"). He also couldn't remember where he put the TV remote, which totally diddled on my TV party.

Clearly the relationship between a three-year-old and his TV is a strange one and now all sorts of people who believe if you shout loudly enough you can make something a nationalised law no matter how untenable it is, are calling for kids under three to be banned from watching TV completely. Which totally shits on my plan for my TV party with my nephew.

PETE BOG