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PHYSICAL DOMINATION
ANT'S HEADBUTT IS A DOMINANT WEAPON
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CRUCIALLY: YOU JUST VERY MUCH GET THE FEELING THAT ANT DOES NOT FEAR DEATH
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1. This is the reason behind 80% of male fighting. I can guarantee you this. You go to any town in England on a Friday night at kicking out time and it's just a load of hench lads in size S T-shirts suddenly flipping out at a 'your mum' joke even though they have been making 'your mum' jokes themselves relentlessly for hours, and just ruining the vibe entirely by squaring up to their best mate in the world and going, "what the fuck you saying that for, Dean?" and all the rest of the lads have to calm him down and take him to a separate kebab shop where he can spin his shoulders out and go "HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP". It's not detailed in any great scriptures but I'd posit most ancient wars were actually started by one lad misjudging the mood and saying, like, "Theseus, you can't talk, your ex was a right slag".↩More stuff from VICE:'Ant and Dec's 'Saturday Night Takeaway' Is Better Than All Your HBO Boxsets Combined' Is Better Than All Your HBO Boxsets CombinedThe Queen's 90th Birthday Party Was Basically 'Britain's Got Colonies'Stephen Mulhern: When Showing Up Is Literally Enough