Tinchy Stryder SLAMS Skepta's "Chocolate Digestives are Dead" Slur

Gavin Haynes has 100 free minutes but no friends. So each week we're going to make him call a popstar. This week: Tinchy Stryder responds to comments that Skepta made about chocolate digestives in last week's Polite Conversation

Hi Tinchy. So you’re in your PR’s personal office, talking on her personal mobile phone?

Yeah.

What are you doing there?

I came here just to do a few interviews. I’m on the phone to you Gavin. Just to catch up. Touch base with the team.

Have you touched much base so far?

Not really. I got here not long ago. So just having a drink. Talking. Then you rang.

What are you drinking?

Water. Still.

Still water, you, mean?

Yeah.

Well, Tinchy, last week I spoke to your colleague in the grime community, Skepta. He told me that digestives are a dead biscuit that have got no swag. What have you got to say about that?

Skeppy said they have no swag? You know what, to be honest, I don’t eat digestives like that. Maybe when I was young and you go places where there isn’t much choice of biscuits. I like shortbread biscuits.

Seriously?

Yeah. But I guess if I don’t eat digestives that might mean they’re not swagging enough?

What are your views on cream crackers?

They’re alright. I’m not much of a biscuit guy to be honest.

Is that because you were raised in a very un-biscuit-focused household?

I wouldn’t say so. Biscuit wasn’t the sort of snack that I liked. Digestives were ok. I liked them, you understand, but I wasn’t much of a fan. I wasn’t always asking for them all the time.

Skepta also mentioned that we are all cosmic dust and life is essentially meaningless. Do you take the view that life is essentially meaningless and we’re all just particles waving softly in the wind? Or do you think: ‘Bollocks to that. Let’s have it!’?

I don’t think life is meaningless. I do understand that people come and people go and there’s not much you can do to change that. It’s like a system we’re all in and it’s just happening. You’ve all been put on earth for a reason and I’m here to play my role.

Do you ever wake up in the small hours of the morning and panic about time running out for you?

I’m always driven. I always wanna do more. I’m real grateful. Anything that comes along that’s great or amazing it’s never by chance you know what I mean.

I know exactly what you mean. Fate. Destiny.

Yeah.

I’ve got a cold right now, Tinchy. And it’s working on my wick. So I’m wondering: do you generally practice basic cold prevention techniques? Ie. Do you wash your hands frequently in an average day?

I actually do man. I really really do. Just the way I was brought up. Say you meet a lot of people in your day. You don’t know where their hands have been.

Well precisely.

Before you eat some food or something just wash your hands. It’s best to be safe than sorry.

So that’s your message for the Radio 1 youth massive, is it? “Always wash your hands.”

Yeah. Always wash your hands.

Do you meditate at all?

I don’t, you know.

Do you pray?

Yeah, I pray. I usually try and pray every time before I go to sleep and when I wake up.

Really?

Every time I’m on the flight before the flight takes off and when it lands.

To whom do you pray?

I pray to God. And then I also give thanks. One doesn’t come without the other. It’s like saying please without thank you.

Do you have a denomination? Are you a particular kind of Christian?

I’m not a Christian. I believe that whatever you believe and it’s leading you on the right path then whatever’s helping you get there is the right thing.

So you don’t go to an actual church?

My family do, but I don’t go very often.

You’re a busy man. Let’s face it. Have you got a German whip?

I actually do have a German whip.

What’s that like?

It’s a nice car to drive. There are lots of whips, whips that are made in Germany.

Did you feel there was a lot of peer pressure on you to get a German whip from the grime community? God knows, German whips aren’t cheap. It must be difficult to get finance for a car like that, especially given that you’re all essentially self-employed. I just feel like there’s a lot of pressure out there on these poor young men who enjoy grime, to get into unsustainable cycles of debt via German whips.

You know the realities. You know how much a certain car costs and if you can afford it. So don’t feel peer pressure. It’s not like pair of trainers. It’s an actual vehicle, it’s a car.

Your new song is called “Misunderstood”. What do you do when you can’t understand what someone is saying? For example, a Scottish person. Do you ask them to speak up, or do you just try and mumble through on the basis of a bit of guesswork about what they said?

It depends you know. If I spoke to someone and I didn’t catch what they were saying I might say “can you repeat that please.” But it’s just a bit uncomfortable. And I don’t like it when people feel uncomfortable. So sometimes I’d just be like hey - I understood - even when I didn’t and just try and move through.

It is five years since “Number 1” hit the top of the charts. What would you say to 2009 Tinchy to prepare him for the present, if you went back in some kind of mind-meld TimeCop experiment?

I would just tell myself understand you have to stay strong and that you learn more from the failures than the success.

That’s brief but uninformative.

Well yeah, you did say if I had 30 seconds. You can’t be too informative in 30 seconds, can you now Gav?

But you could at least be like, “by the way, on 9 May 2011, don’t double-park on Old Street cos the warden’s coming round at midday.”

Oh. I’d say, by 2012, maybe you’re gonna have to make another album and this has to be the best one that you’ve ever made and then keep recording and then two years from then, you’ll be ready to bring out a new album.

What is the title of this new album?

360 Degrees.

It’s good we got that in finally. Ok, I’ve got no more questions for you now Tinchy. Do you perhaps have a question for me?

Do I have a question for you?

Yeah.

Uhm… Who is your football team?

I don’t support football, unfortunately.

I guessed.

What made you think that?

I like football a lot but you didn’t ask a single question about football, so either you didn’t read up on me, or -

I did! Honestly, I care deeply about you, Tinchy. Ok, well… what’s football like, then?

What’s football like?

Yeah. Go on.

Saturdays, ‘bout 10:30, BBC1, it’s called Match Of The Day. Watch it. You’ll know what football’s like.

Well it’d be nice to know, because it seldom plays much part in public life in Britain.

It’s true. I buy the newspapers, I never see nothing about football.

Follow Gavin on Twitter: @GavHaynes

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