Sometimes swearing feels really, really good. Thatâs why when kids first hear the words âcrapâ or âGod damn,â they use them over and over in sentence structures that do not even make grammatical sense. When I was about 9 years old, I remember saying the phrase âcunt puntâ in front of my father and his jaw dropped. âWhere did you learn that?â he hurled at me. Of course, I learned it from television or the bad kids in the schoolyard, but I thought it was totally appropriate. This was the early 90s: a time (unlike now) when 9 year old girls did not use the word âcunt.âNow that Iâm a full-grown idiot, I swear more than I would like to. I have to curb my daily vernacular in most social situations. I like swearing in sentences, but when I hear it back, it just sounds gross.It feels good to swear; âfuckâ has real anger built into the syllables. But swearing looks terrible on paper, and it sounds even worse in most songs. Unless you're spitting out perfect rhymes like Lil Boosie or Jay-Z, chances are, your sing-song swear is going to end up sounding very Avril Lavigne-esqueâand who wants that?? Of course, there are some rockstars who really make swearing work. Here are my favorites.Smith wrote some of the most beautiful songs known to the Western world. I think most people hoped that Smith would pull a Cat Stevenâs and disappear from the hellish music industry by going deeply religious and living in seclusion. Instead, he stabbed himself in the heart. In my mind, Smith is the only singer/songwriter who can sing the words âfuckâ, âshit,â or âmotherfuckingâ and instead of sounding like foul language, it sounds like angels whispering Godly prayers.When Steve McBean says âfuckâ in this song, it just sounds like a synonym for âI am into everything around meâ in some weird alien language we humans arenât smart enough to know.Tonetta is a major creep who is super scary and makes you feel uncomfortable in all the right ways. The only reason that swearing works for him is because if he didnât swear these songs would be love songs and combined with the visuals, he would end up in jail.Sometimes, when I invite a dude over for the first time, I like to throw this album on, mix up a cocktail of GHB and say, âCan you do to me what RĂ„berg says heâs going to do to the chick in this song?â If he runs when it gets to the part about penetrating âher asshole with a 12-inch nail,â I know donât want him.(We could also include the songs âLipstick On My Dick,â âDie You Fuck,â âThe Whore,â the list never endsâŠ)Bjelland may be a little weathered now in 2012, but back in the 90s, she was a screaming Queen of Cute who looked like a doll but swore like a trucker. She said the word âcuntâ and it came across like a punch in the face and not at all cringe-worthy:Gretel said "I know whatâs in your head." I vacuumed out my head. I know youâre feeling bad. You fucking bitch, you cunt hole bitchâŠ
My name is Gretel, yeah. I got a crotch that talks. It talks to all the cocks. Itâs been 12 city blocks, you fucking bitch.âAnd thatâs, like, half a verse of the song.Honorable mentions: Nick Cave, Beck, Kathleen Hanna, and Julia Cafritz.
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ELLIOTT SMITH - âChristian Brothersâ
STEVE MCBEAN OF PINK MOUNTAINTOPS - âI (Fuck) Mountainsâ
TONETTA - â81 Inch Prime Ass â
PETER RABERG OF BRAINBOMBS - âKill Them Allâ
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KAT BJELLAND OF BABES IN TOYLAND - âHandsome Gretelâ
My name is Gretel, yeah. I got a crotch that talks. It talks to all the cocks. Itâs been 12 city blocks, you fucking bitch.âAnd thatâs, like, half a verse of the song.Honorable mentions: Nick Cave, Beck, Kathleen Hanna, and Julia Cafritz.