Religious Iconography in My Apartment, Volume One

This is Dapwell. Hi Dapwell. [Credit: Holland Brown]

Hello friends, welcome to my new column: The Dap Corner. My name is Ashok Kondabolu, but people call me Dap or Dapwell. I was formerly the South Indian backup dancer for American rap group Das Racist. In an attempt to not bore anybody, work too hard, or be too creative, I’ve decided I’ll use this blessed space to share my thoughts, rants, regrets, and maybe–if you play your cards right—my sexy body.

I like purchasing assorted figurines, posters, crucifixes, etc. because they’re (often) fairly cheap, widely available, and (sometimes) look bonkers as fuck. It’s a lot of bang for my design buck, and also gives the house a fuzzy, “we are the world,” religious-cohabitation vibe. The vast majority of pieces in my “collection” (roughly valued by me at one hundred dollars) are of the Roman Catholic and Hindu persuasion, Mexican/Christian jams being the property of my roommate slash consort. My next stop is to Jackson Heights or Atlantic Avenue to pick up some Islamic “pieces," and maybe some of that olive oil soap, that shit is jamming.

Here is a rundown of a few of these items.

Golden Jesus Christ + Virgin Mary:

These motherfuckers get around!

My understanding is that Mary was Jesus’ mother who was “impregnated” by the x-tian “God” (“white guy in the sky”) and birthed the baby Jesus while remaining a virgin. She was married to Joseph, who is Jesus’ earthly step-father? I have no idea what that’s about, but this gaudy duo of portraits only set me back twenty bucks. They appear to be constructed out of cheap plastic spray painted gold. Their expressions aren’t cast in that “creepy/holy” way they usually are, they appear like two middle-aged people looking at someone cutting a birthday cake like, “Man, I want to eat some of that cake.”

Heart with Thorns and Fire and Cross:

Red Tops, 2 for 5

What makes a crucifix a crucifix? If Jesus is on it, it’s a crucifix? If no Jesus, it’s a cross? Regardless, this thing is totally “heavy metal” except for the off-white background which makes it suitable for nunnery use. The imagery overall reeks of pain, though I have no idea what this is supposed to represent. However, a quick cyber-jump reveals it’s the Sacred Heart and involves “taking Jesus' physical heart as the representation of his divine love for humanity.” They should add a white guy wearing a long black gown yelling at a gay dude next to a weeping lady with mascara running down her face, because that’s what just popped into my head when I thought of Christianity/Jesus. Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but “Jeopardy!” very regularly had “‘The Bible” as a category and I’d never get any of those questions right. Here’s a trick: the answer is always “Jesus.”

Anyway, if I was a Catholic person who cared a lot about this shit, this would be the tattoo I would get on my back or upper arm. Is a heart tattoo badass if the heart is on fire while being squeezed by thorns? Also, the heart looks more like a stubby vase?

Mexican Coffin with Married Couple:

Notice the dead insect on the left.

I’m not completely sure what this is. As you can see, it is a black coffin with a cross (crucifix?) painted on the outside, inside, what I can assume are the skeletons of a married couple, presumably still wearing the clothes from their wedding day? Maybe this falls into the “folk art” category. Bottom line: skeletons are fucking awesome (skulls are less cool, especially on shirts and tattoos).

Mexican Miracle Paintings:

Somebody translate these and let us know what’s going on here.

I stole these from my old roommate Katy Porter (who is awesome). She found them in a box of free stuff on a stoop in Carroll Gardens. A speedy e-lookup reveals these painted sheets of tin are Mexican votive, or miracle, paintings. They are made to give thanks for miracles performed, recoveries from illness, or answers to prayers. They remind me of going to my pediatrician’s office and looking at the thank you notes crudely drawn by his little patients. Except these are beautiful, and don’t make their benefactor appear as a creepy pederast with stick legs. Also, that was the last time I’ve been to a doctor and was maybe a dozen years ago. A real miracle would be universal health care, AM I RIGHT?

Wooden Ganesh Statue:

This cost less than a dollar.

This is a fairly low-quality, mass produced statue of the head of the Hindu god Ganesh, or Vinayaka, often referred to as the “remover of obstacles.” Every year we’d “observe” Vinayaka Chavithi in my house, where there would be the cooking of prasada, picking of leaves and flowers, and the formation of symbolic representations of god made from sindoor and turmeric. It was a lot like Christmas! The part I liked least was sitting down with my knees crossed (ironically, “Indian style") on the hard floor listening to the long Sanskrit recitation of Ganesh's origin story followed by the story of his rebirth (which is what the festival celebrates). Also, eating sweetened, boiled lentil cakes kind of sucks (sorry ma). In full-body depictions of Ganesh, he is holding his own broken tusk in his lower-right hand, which is pretty “badass.”

Two-sided Mao Icon:

I once read Mao might have died of syphilis.

Mao iconography was everywhere when I went to Beijing on tour with Das Racist, and these small glass portraits were sold everywhere, which I think might be “ironic” because of communism, but I am not smart enough to know if that is in fact “ironic.” Regardless, the genocidal maniac is featured in both “classic” and young whippersnapper versions.

“God is One”poster:

This poster is from a sikh gurdwara.

I stole this from my friend Himanshu Suri. It’s omnireligion Summer Jam.

All of this religious shit is seriously in Dapwell's apartment. He's on Twitter — @dapwell