What VICE Readers Bought This Month: Dumb Phones and Smart Sex Toys

Order another Big Gulp, because we have officially made it through the first month of 2024—and what a month it’s been. January came and went almost as quickly as Stanley cup mania transitioned into TikTok simping over the Lindt chocolatier guy, but VICE readers still found some time to treat themselves, and browse our virtual goody bag of the best deals, drops, and really chic puffer pants. 

In December, y’all unwound with  Puerto Rican eggnog while seeking out sturdy, non-squeaky bed frames for sex, penis pumps, and chicken-themed crossbody bags (that pump isn’t going to stash itself) for a little serotonin boost. This month, VICE readers got extra cozy and extra horny by investing in sink-in-able sectionals, affordable memory foam mattresses, and crotchless panties (V-Day is on its way, my brother in Christ.) January 2024 was all about covering your bases with quality winter apparel—including jawns for your dog—and cutting back on social media time by getting smart, and ordering a dumb phone. 

Now then, let’s kick off the year right with the best stuff VICE readers bought last month.    

If last month was all about investing in sturdy bed frames for sex, this month was all about bringing home the perfect comfy mattress for winter and beyond. Nectar makes one of the most affordable, queen-size memory foam mattresses on the market, and it’s also designed with a special “ActiveCool HD phase change material” that adjusts to your body temperature so that you don’t overheat. Our writer Angel Kilmister made the switch to a Nectar Premier, and says it’s the absolute GOATed pic for side sleepers who run hot. No wonder y’all were fans. 

HEATTECH is cool, but you know what’s cooler? Letting your legs live layer-free this winter by copping a pair of insulated puffer pants. This VICE editor is a  longtime fan of their lightweight feel and retro look, and VICE readers took her recent endorsement to heart  by ordering one of the most affordable, high-rated (and high-waisted, which also rocks) pairs from this puffer pant shopping guide.  

… That might be taking it too far, but when was the last time you gave your mother a luxury cashmere sweater, and when was the last time you gave your pug a cashmere sweater? Y’all really let the Benjamins fly for your dogs with this biscuit-colored cashmere sweater from our guide to the best luxury pet brands. Plus, it even comes with a little AirTag pouch.  

Apparently, just being near your phone makes you dumber. That’s just one of the reasons that VICE editor Adam Rothbarth recently broke down the gamut of the best dumb phones out there in this VICE article. As someone who’s recently made the switch himself, Rothbarth was able to recommend the retro-looking Nokia 6300, which ended up being a big hit amongst VICE readers, too. As Rothbarth explained, “The 6300 is actually one of the most modern of the dumb phones, as it has Facebook and WhatsApp access, YouTube, hotspot capability, FM radio (if you’re craving some Nelly), and a maps feature.”

The Kova sofa from Albany Park is just as cloud-like as you would imagine, and VICE editor Hilary Pollack penned a full breakdown of the sectional’s specs—including the fact that it’s “insanely easy to assemble”—in this VICE review of the ultimate cuddle puddle couch. If you haven’t already experienced the hug-like nature of sinking into one like the rest of VICE readers, the sofa is still big-time on sale.  

Trying to channel your inner Paul Bunyan? Or simply hoping to commute to work without having your fingers freeze? Perhaps you’re one of the VICE readers who got elbow-deep in this guide to the best gloves for every purpose. Folks were especially down for this über-durable unisex Carhartt waterproof pair with a 4.6-star average rating from more than 30,600 reviewers. In the words of one, “What I like most about these gloves is the fingers/palm material and fit. It's almost like it's meant to grab a bucket before I even break them in.”

Hokas have a cult-like following among runners and people who chain smoke outside of Casino on the Lower East Side alike, probably because they’re hella comfy and look really cool (we prefer them in black over the wild ‘n’ crazy color combos the brand is known for). VICE editor Nicolette Accardi asked foot fetishists a podiatrist exactly what makes them so potently popular (and well-loved) in this article, to which readers responded by ordering bouncy Bondi 8s, among other styles. 

Whether you’re new to male sex toys (peep our guide) or seasoned in treating your saucisson to fancy Fleshlights, this male masturbator is one of the best devices your rock-hard money can buy. It has more than 3,500 reviews on Amazon and an impressive 4.3-star average rating—likely because it offers a variety of suction and vibration modes, and, according to one user, is “super easy to clean,” which is why it made the cut as one of our top picks.

VICE readers got a leg and a [redacted] up on Valentine’s Day by ordering this pair of stretchy, black lace crotchless panties from Lovehoney. After all, winter is the best time of year for ordering in to eat out. 

See you next month, superstar. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.