Men on the Mistakes They Could've Avoided With Proper Sex Ed

This article originally appeared on VICE Romania.

I remember clearly how awkward sex and sex education seemed to me during high school. Since then, I've met guys who couldn't find the clit and would be intimidated if I showed them or told them what to do with it. After a while, I didn't even bother trying to explain unless there was a connection between us. I’ve also met guys who felt awkward when I asked them to stop. And I’ve always been struck by how often they tried to avoid any discussions about STDs. 

Let’s face it: Most of these situations could have been avoided if they’d received proper sex education in their school years. So I asked a few guys about the times they think sex ed would have saved them from making embarrassing, and sometimes terrible, mistakes. They shared their stories, using fake names for privacy reasons.

“I was 19-years-old, my girlfriend was 17, and we’d been together for some time. I’d never done anything sexual except for some intense touching. One evening we were home alone because her parents had gone on vacation, so we organised something romantic like in the movies. We filled the tub with water and bubbles, got undressed, and got in. We started kissing and caressing each other until, at some point, I ejaculated in the water.

Her vagina was far away, but we both freaked out and couldn't sleep all night. The next morning, we went to the pharmacy to get the morning-after pill. I wish someone had told me that sperm doesn't travel through water and that it's almost impossible to get pregnant from a distance. We would’ve both avoided a really bad fright.” - Iustin, 26

“When I was a teenager, I thought women peed through their clitoris, so I would only stimulate it with my hands, never with my mouth. During the same period, when my then-girlfriend complained about her breasts hurting during ovulation, I suggested I should milk them to ease the pain. It just shows how much I knew about the female body at the time.” - Mircea, 32 

“I had one of my first sexual experiences — maybe even the first — when I was studying in Spain. I wanted to try anal sex with a man, but I was a bit reluctant. So one night I went out, got really drunk, flirted with a guy at the club, and then went home with him.

In the room, I realised he had a really big penis, but I was drunk and didn't feel the discomfort. When I got home the next day, I realised I had some bad anal fissures and my anus hurt for a week.

Because I’d never had similar interactions before, I didn't know I was supposed to be careful and take it slow. Luckily, I could find information on the Internet, but I wish someone had told me I needed to use a lot of lube and not pressure myself to take it all in. I also would have liked someone to explain to me how to do an enema, so that I wouldn't get stomach pain or discharge.” - Tony, 27 

“When I think of sex education, I remember a teacher doing a demonstration with a banana and a condom in uni, but that’s pretty much it. I grew up without a father, and my mum and I never talked about sex. I learnt from older friends and from my own experience. Unfortunately, sometimes I had to pay the price for my ignorance.

At one point, a girl from another city, who I’d partied with in the past, came to visit me. That night, we both drank too much and I was rougher than usual in bed. I had tried choking and butt slapping before, but this time I slapped her in the face. I didn't want to hurt her; I was just playing a fantasy.

When I talked to her later, I realised how much my behaviour had shocked her. She was shocked at how ignorant I was about boundaries and consent. At the time, I didn't realise that it was a potentially sensitive situation we should have discussed beforehand, and that, without consent, my sex play was abusive and dehumanising towards her.

Over time, I've learnt that it’s essential to get informed beforehand and that sex education is a lifelong process.” - Vlad, 33