Where We Go to Learn in Bucharest

With rocks in the basement that glow in the dark and life-size wax figures of insane Siamese twins, the Bucharest Museum of Natural History is a highly educational place. There's a research institute, dinosaurs, geology exhibit… and mutants, pop stars, cultural idols, and mythological figures. It is a beautifully sick Communist exhibit. Come with us and learn a thing or two.

Masha and Dasha were the world's eldest Siamese twins. They lived and died in the Soviet Union and their fucked-up life story is simply mind-blowing: 53 years of insane asylums, booze, and abuse.

The pig-faced woman. A musem visitor said that she must be from one of those old  Russian fairy tales. I won´t even try to figure out the origins of this Miss Piggy knock-off, but i would like to point out that even though she´s a sow, she should be treated as a lady.

So slutty, so sad. A pretty emotional mini-exhibit. There is something simply soul-shattering in those glass eyes.

With a few more pounds of wax rubbed around her boobs she could have been Lolo Ferrari, the late XXX diva who had the most monstrous fake hooters ever. But, as it is, I think they were just going for a mermaid. Anyway it was a real hit. I literally had to wait in a line just to take its picture.

I know you're still checking out the mermaid on the left side of the photo, but take a break and enjoy this impossible body.

Hercules just chillin' on a stick. He has the whole Christian art look, which is a pretty bold touch for a pagan exhibit. Note the severed beast head at his feet.

Let's not think about this anymore.

The cretin cleavage of a harpie, worthy of the great Minoic civilization.

The smallest twins that ever lived, and that's the only thing they were known for.

Another severed head. This one has a promiscuos woman stomping it. I think it´s from Christian culture, possibly John the Redeemer? Wait, that's not right…

Logic? There is none. It seems like ancient Greece had nail polish and scat fingers.

Besides the wax figure exhibit, this place is deserted. I only saw twelve people on the whole rest of the floor. Somehow, even without the cloak of a hundred people crowding to see the tits of an inanimate object, someone managed to steal the diamond.